Had to have my beautiful boy PTS yesterday

[MabelMoo23]

My heart is broken.

we had to have MabelCat PTS yesterday. He was so so old, nearly 15 and had started to lose so much weight, he was literally skin and bone. Him and his fluffy foofball brother used to be well over 6kg each his weight had dropped to 2.8kg yesterday.

he wasn’t eating, drinking, going outside, cleaning himself or anything. We weren’t even seeing him toilet. He was so sad and quiet that I knew it was time and we were just prolonging the agony for him for our benefit.

the vet agreed, and yesterday we took him in. Told our DD’s to say goodbye to him before school as he wasn’t feeling very well and was a bit sad.

it was very peaceful, he was ready. The vet sedated him first and he just stretched out all relaxed on the table and we whispered to him, stroked him and held his paw. Told him we loved him dearly and would look after his brother.

then the vet came back in, and we stroked him and his eyes went cloudy and he was gone. So quietly and peacefully he slipped away. I know it was the right thing, he was suffering, and he slipped away quietly with us with him. He wasn’t by himself, he wasn’t frightened or distressed.

but my heart is broken. I hate myself, if it wasn’t for me making the decision to go to the vet, he’d still be upstairs. I feel like I made him go. Even though I know our beautiful boy is at peace, it hurts so so much and I feel so guilty.

Our darling boy, I’m so so sorry, but you are at peace now.

[TheBalletCats]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Having to make that right choice is terribly hard - but you didn’t make him go, you let him go; rather than being so selfish as to keep him here as it was easier for you. That is love; & such a final act of love cannot be underestimated.

Be gentle with yourself in your grief; & I hope MabelCat’s brother is as ok as possible too.

🐾💕
💐

[Summerholidayorcovidagain]

So sorry for your loss op
We also lost one of 2 db's(8) 2 years ago now. After 7 months of him being depressed with his loss I caved and got a dkitten. He took to her immediately.. Maybe too soon or not the right decision for you op but don't rule it out as a possibility in the future..

[TheLongRider]

Be kind to yourself, you gave him the ultimate kindness. 💐

[smurfmonkey]

Hey @MabelMoo23 you posted on my thread last week as I was struggling the decision too.

I also took my boy in yesterday to say goodbye, he slipped away peacefully and I knew it was the right decision. I just needed a few days to get my head around it.

The guilt is overwhelming, although I felt it more with his brother as he seemed so much more full of life still when we had to let him go.

My boy went outside in the sun for a while on Sunday and he really struggled as he got too hot and seeing him like that made me realise I couldn't hang onto him as seeing him suffer would be far worse than the peaceful ending he had.

You absolutely did the best and kindest thing ❤

[Sunshineandrainbow]

I know it doesn't feel like it now but you have acted in the kindest way.
I know your pain having gone through it 5 years ago with my darling girl who was 20 and whenever I read through these post it takes me right back there to that day it was so so hard but she was so poorly.
I have no words to make it better as long as you remember you have done the right thing just take it day by day.

[StarDolphins]

@MabelMoo23 Ahh you poor thing. This made me cry😢There’s nothing worse than saying goodbye to our beloved pets. it’s utterly heartbreaking.

You gave him a wonderful life & most importantly you made the best decision for him. I kept my previous cat here longer than I should for selfish reasons & I regret that.

the most selfless thing you can do is to make the right decision at the right time & you did just that. I’m sure, like us, our pets want to enjoy their life then go.

you stayed with him too which is the best you can do for him. I was at the vets 2 weeks ago & a lady didn’t want to go in with her dog that was being PTS & I was heartbroken for her dog😢

sorry for your loss❤️

[Want2beme]

Sorry for your loss. Everything you're experiencing is so familiar. It's heartbreaking. I know you can't imagine being able to move on from the grief. Don't think about that, just let yourself grieve and over time you will feel it less & less, I promise💐

[MabelMoo23]

Thank you all for the kind words. There have been lots of tears today. I feel so low.

We opted for an individual cremation, so just need to choose what he comes home in. So hard to choose and I’m dreading making the call. I still need to go and settle the bill at the vets but can’t bring myself to yet

the vets is directly opposite our house and I found myself looking out our bedroom window talking to him

I’m so so sad

[Beamur]

You know you have done the right thing. Still hard though..

[Want2beme]

Wishing you a restful night, MabelMoo23. He'll always be in your heart. I still carry all of my lovely cats now gone, with me and think of them all the time. It's a huge responsibility we have as their humans. But they're worth every moment🤗

[Igmum]

Sending love to you both Mabel and Smurf ❤️❤️❤️

[smurfmonkey]

Thank you @Igmum

@MabelMoo23 I've seen some glass rainbows on Etsy that you can have a small amount of ashes scattered into. They look lovely and I'm going to have both my boys added into one so I can keep it on the windowsill and they can sit in the sun together.

[Want2beme]

smurfmonkey, that's a lovely thing to do. Very moving. So very sorry for your loss 💐

[Furries]

Am so sorry, it really is the hardest thing to do - but it’s the ultimate show of love to let them go peacefully. When you’re ready, there is a short verse called “today you did the bravest thing”. It still makes me cry, 2 years later, but it also reminds me that I did what was best.

With regards to the ashes - the pet crematorium I used had photo frames. Various sizes, holding one or multiple photos. The ashes are securely sealed in a block which sits in a gap behind the photos and the backboard. I decided this would be nicer to look at than a casket or urn.

It will take time, but you will start to feel better. The initial raw grief is hard to see your way through, but it will ease.

[MabelMoo23]

Thank you all.

I’ve spoken to the crematorium, who were so kind and very lovely. We have a paw print coming which can have a photo put with it, and just a simple mahogany box with his name on. We haven’t decided yet but when his brother goes eventually, then we may bury them together and plant flowers for them.

I was also brave and asked them to go through their checks and verification process to make sure it’s our boy that comes home to us. I know there is strict legislation but I wanted them to talk me through it.

they also said that he hasn’t been collected yet, and won’t be until Monday and I found that strangely comforting in that because the vet is opposite our house and I have to drive straight past it on the school run, I can talk to him on the way past and say hello

[Toddlerteaplease]

So sorry, it sounds like a peaceful end surrounded by people he loved. When my cat was PTS it was exactly how I'd like to go. Peaceful dignified and loved. You will take comfort in this in time.

[Leftbutcameback]

I came here because our beautiful boy had to be PTS yesterday too. I am feeling so guilty because I wasn’t there - he had a light anaesthetic to have an investigation and they phoned me with the results (bad) so I decided not to have him woken up, and they helped him to be free of his pain.

I knew it was a likely outcome and now feel like maybe I should have just decided to let him go, and then I could have been with him. But I wanted to be sure.

Anyway I want to thank @MabelMoo23 for sharing how peaceful it was. Love to those struggling too. I can’t stop crying now, I miss him so much.

[powershowerforanhour]

TheBalletCats is right. Whatever knocked half his bodyweight off would have killed him, probably very soon anyway. You just helped him on his way, quickly and easily (potentially much more easily...Nature is not always kind).