I've NC for this as it's very identifying to those that know me. My cat A died last night. She was hit by a car, and the vets couldn't save her.
This is a bit long, I apologize.
In the last few years, two of our cats have been killed by cars in the road outside. Its not a main road, and it's a 30 zone, but it's not quiet like a tiny cul-de-sac either. Sometimes cars speed along it. After losing our second cat to the road, we vowed to not have another outdoor cat.
We had a strictly indoors cat (S) who is disabled and blind from birth. She's is allowed limited (supervised) garden access.
She was very lonely after our previous cat died on the road, and we wanted a second cat in any event. I couldn't losing another one in that way, so decided adopting another disabled cat, who wouldn't be able to get out of our garden (its not very cat proofed but good enough for S). We also thought that having another disabled cat would make it less it
likely that the newcomer would bully S, and a lot of people dont consider adopting disabled cats.
We eventually found one in Cyprus who had been orphaned extremely young and who was fully blind in one eye and could see shadows in the other. If she hasn't come to us, she'd have been sent to a cat sanctuary there, which is much better than just released but she wouldn't have got the medical care she needed. We flew her over, and got her eyes treated - she lost one, but actually had decent (but not perfect) vision in the other. Between the flight, the red tape, passport etc, and medical treatment when she arrived, she cost approx £1k. It was a stretch, but we hoped we could give her a good life.
Unfortunately, she didn't fit very well into our family. We did introductions very slowly with the cats, but A would often chase and pounce on S and pin her down (S obviously couldn't see her coming). S came to hiss at her every time they came near. They improved a little over time, but S was still frequently being pinned down. We ended up with a split house.
A also was extremely aggressive with us and our two children (1&3 when she arrived, now 3&5). She'd attack without provocation. We mostly managed to stop her attacking the children, by very close supervision and managing who was in which room, but it was hard. My husband and I got bitten and scratched numerous times every day. Some of these have left scars lasting months.
Over time things did get better, but even a reduction of biting by 50% still meant her drawing blood most days. The problem was, she craved human company.
We considered rehoming her, but who would want a highly volatile partially sighted cat, that likes being near people but is that aggressive? We didn't want her getting passed on from home to home because people couldn't cope.
Cat behavioural therapist didnt work. Neither did any od the plug ins etc.
We started catproofing the garden to see if that would help, but tbh it was too big a job for us, and we struggled to get it done.
I upped my hours working, to get extra money to afford the £3-5k it would cost to cat proof our garden, and we were on the verge of booking it when life went really wrong.
My 2yo was rushed to hospital with a brain tumour. My 4yo went to live with grandparents, and my husband amd I lived at hospital for nearly 2 months. Grandparents came in twice a day to feed the cats (one upstairs and one downstairs) but it was a lonely time for the cats. Had we realised we'd be away that long, we'd have tried to come up with a better plan, but I'm not sure what. She wasn't a cattery sort of cat. Tbh, my little one was fighting for her life, and the cats were not as much of a priority as they otherwise were.
When we got home, A was even more aggressive, and struggled hugely if she wasn't in the room with us at all times. But when she was with us, she'd chase my toddler who was learning to walk again, and she was being even more bitey.
Finishing the catproofing was going to take months at a minimum - we couldn't really afford it any more, after a couple of months of not earning. And with the costs hike and the increased demands after the storm, it was going to be even more expensive and a long wait. We barely have time to shower these days, and there was little prospect of us doing it ourselves in the short/medium term.
So we decided to let her go out. When she'd escaped before, she was terrified of the road, it was likely what killed her mum, and so we thought her fear would keep her away.
We knew it was a risk, but she really wasn't happy, and clearly wanted her freedom. We decided that a short but happy life was better for her than a long but frustrated one.
In all honesty, I'd also had enough of how we were living, having a divided house, having to constantly make sure she didnt bite the kid, and it was the only way I could see. I didn't have the patience Id previously had because I had so many other parts of life that I was trying to mend.
She lasted a month.
My poor baby cat.
I wish I'd don't more. What, I dont know, but I feel like I let her out to die.
I'm sorry this is so long