Nightmare cat. Please advise!

[strawberries234]

A friend mentioned having to rehome her cat, as she was being evicted and was not allowed to have pets in her emergency accommodation. She had an incredibly difficult year, lost her DM a few weeks before the eviction, and was feeling really worried about the cat, as she mentioned that shelters often euthanise them.

I offered to take the cat in. I feel it’s important to mention everything she told me about this cat made it sound like a brilliant pet - it was calm, friendly, litter trained etc. We had been thinking about adopting a cat from a shelter for some time, so thought we could help out my friend as she was so worried, while getting a new addition to the family.

The cat has been with us for several months now, and it has been a complete nightmare. I understood that it would take some time for him to get settled in, and we have been really patient, but his behaviour is really challenging and I am struggling to believe that my friend did not know he was quite a difficult cat.

He scratches everything constantly, despite having multiple scratch posts, toys, and access to outside (so I don’t think he is bored). He was destroyed our sofa, wallpaper, doors, and skirting boards. We cannot hang any clothes out visibly, or he will scratch them too. He also wakes us up multiple times every single night, I am more exhausted than when I had a newborn.

He is completely unfriendly - I know cats aren’t always super cuddly and friendly so this isn’t an issue in itself, but he does not seem to like anyone being near him, the only time he is close to us is when we are feeding him.

Since the day we got him he has also pooed and weed all over the house. We have replaced two rugs as they absolutely stank, he did the same on the new rugs so now we have bare floors. He is not allowed in the bedrooms as he urinates on the beds and under the beds.

I took him to the vet and explained all the issues and they cannot find anything medically wrong with him. He is not old, he is around 2 years old, so it seems unlikely these problems are related to him getting older.

I feel at the end of my tether. I spend a huge amount of each day at the moment cleaning up after him, trying to reduce the amount of stuff he destroys, and feeling really stressed out about it all. And no matter how much I clean the house still smells of cat urine as he does it so often. I’m at my wits end and I’m not sure what to do.

I have mentioned all of this to my friend who has replied in quite a sketchy and evasive manner, and I am almost certain she must have had these issues when he was in her care. Her housing situation is unstable and there is currently no point in the future where she is likely to take him back.

I hate the idea of taking him to a shelter and I know my friend would be very angry if I did, but I feel like this is having a massive impact on our lives at the moment and I am not sure what else to do.

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thanks

1. Is he neutered?
2. Scratching excessively, urinating and pooing everywhere can be signs of anxiety over territory. What other cats are around outside? Do they come up to the windows when he is inside?

Is he neutered? What did the vet suggest?
There are all sorts of things you can try: change of food, change of litter, change of litter tray, confining to one room, Yu calm pills, play time, cleaning urine patches with special cleaning agent - but you have to want to do all of that, knowing you might get a non-scatching non-pissy cat that still won't sit on your lap. If that's not for you, he'd be better off in a shelter.

@Pixiedust1234

1. Is he neutered?

1. Scratching excessively, urinating and pooing everywhere can be signs of anxiety over territory. What other cats are around outside? Do they come up to the windows when he is inside?

Yes he is neutered, and up to date with jabs, flea and worm treatments.

We only have a small garden and very rarely see any other cats in it. There is a bengal female who lives a few doors down who we see maybe once or twice a month, that’s mostly it.

we have also tried the Feliway diffuser which has not made any difference to the behaviours.

oh, normal cleaning does not get rid of the smell at cat level, you have to use special enzyme cleaners. Also try plugin feliway to help calm him down. He sounds super stressed and unhappy but there could be simple remedies which would make all the difference. Just need to figure out what. My money is on another dominant cat outside.

oh bengals....thats the problem.

@BluerThanRobinsEggs

Is he neutered? What did the vet suggest? There are all sorts of things you can try: change of food, change of litter, change of litter tray, confining to one room, Yu calm pills, play time, cleaning urine patches with special cleaning agent - but you have to want to do all of that, knowing you might get a non-scatching non-pissy cat that still won't sit on your lap. If that's not for you, he'd be better off in a shelter.

Thanks for your reply. The vet suggested he may just be settling in, and it could be because of the change of environment, but as it has been months rather than weeks now I am a bit worried about things being this way indefinitely.

We have tried several litters, and tried a different style litter tray, open and closed ones, and having 3 in the house. He does occasionally go in the litter trays (which are cleaned as soon as I see they have been used), but the majority of his toileting happens outside of the litter tray.

I can totally accept him not being a lap cat, it’s just the urinating and scratching constantly which is making things very difficult

@Pixiedust1234

oh, normal cleaning does not get rid of the smell at cat level, you have to use special enzyme cleaners. Also try plugin feliway to help calm him down. He sounds super stressed and unhappy but there could be simple remedies which would make all the difference. Just need to figure out what. My money is on another dominant cat outside.

Thanks for the suggestion, I will look into getting specialist cleaners. The smell is quite overpowering at the moment.

Your friend was out of order. She should have told you all this

I read on here that spraying the scratching posts with catnip encourages them to scratch the post rather than everywhere else. We got a rescue cat a few weeks ago and it worked here

I suspect your "friend" knew and was looking for an easy way to offload her cat.

I work with cats and I've never known a cat go from being perfectly well behaved and trained to behaving like this unless there's an underlying physical cause (UTI normally) or the cat is distressed by something - normally an intruder cat or a new cat or animal in the house.

Just moving homes shouldn't trigger this kind of behaviour. Yes, it can take a while for cats to settle but that normally means hiding and being shy for a while, not messing all over the house.

I don't really have much advice as generally once a cat starts messing like this indoors with no obvious environmental or physical reason, in my experience it can be almost impossible to get them to stop

Have you tried ultra clumping litters? It’s very small grained and some cats hate rough litters. Ime the wrong litter is the cause of a lot of poor toileting habits. Our Bengal hated wood pellets, clumping, non-clumping, crystal, paper pellets. Only sanicat gold would do 🙄 if he didn’t like the litter he’d wee on the walls or furniture.

A behaviourist on the bbc advised not using a tray but a 50l storage box, clear plastic, and filling that with litter instead.

Do you have other pets in your house?
Do you have space to confine him in a room with everything he needs to be safe and comfortable for a while?

Any children in the home - and did he live with children before?

Some cats are highly strung and would find going from an adult household to a household with kids stressful (not saying you are doing anything wrong - its just some cats don't cope well with busier households).

I would take him to a shelter, it sounds like its really not working out for either you or the cat.

she mentioned that shelters often euthanise them

I'm assuming you are in the UK - the overwhelming majority of shelters here most definitely do not routinely do that.

Your friend has stitched you up hasn't she! I think if it's really not working for you, then explain to your friend that you are unable to provide the right environment for her cat and he seems unhappy.

Perhaps give her a time frame and say if she hasn't found a pet friendly home by ## months then please could she find an alternative accommodation for him.

You could present her with a list of shelters that explicitly say they don't euthanise. Or websites to meet potential new owners. You sound like a good caring friend.

You say he has access to outside, does he have a cat flap or do you have to let him in and out?