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Runt of the litter probs, and sister who can't be picked up! Help!

24 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 16/01/2022 10:51

I have posted about my two new kittens before. They came home on 16th December, so we have had them a month. We have another cat, so they have been slowly introduced to the household, and as yet haven't had free run of the house. At first they were in my bedroom, and I spent lots of time with them. One of them is the runt, and she is a tiny little thing of a kitten. She was the more confident one from the get go. At first they would both hide under my bed, and I could get little one out with toys, and play with her. Bigger one wouldn't come out if I was playing, but would come out to play with her sister if I ignored her and gave no eye contact. Any eye contact resulted in her running away to hide.
Eventually bigger one would come out for treats, but absolutely not let me handle her or touch her. She would take treats from my hand and run straight off. The only time I could ever stroke her was if I found her in their bed, as it is a little covered dome and I could pick it up and then reach in to handle her. The rest of the time there was no chance.
In the meanwhile little kitten was growing in confidence, and was allowing me to pick her up and stroke her, and was generally getting used to her new home.
After Christmas I brought them downstairs, and put them in a large playpen type thing to get them used to the big open space (it's a big through living/dining room). This helped me being able to handle her more, and I thought we were making progress. After a few days, they were let loose in the room, and this is how it has stayed since. Big kitten is still very very reluctant. I have managed to touch her twice without her running away immediately, she still can't do any eye contact, so it had to be done steathily. Both times I have managed to slowly get her on to my chest and stroked her and actually had her enjoying it and purring away (a first!). But these have had days between them, so it isn't changing how she reacts overall. She still runs if you look at her, she will not be picked up if she can help it, and the only surefire way to handle her is if I find her in the cat bed/hidey thing. She will come and sleep out both on the sofa near and on the chair, but she clearly isn't sound asleep, as any slight movement and she is ears up, eyes open, ready to run. If I get up to do anything, she legs it. She will still allow me to play with her, and will take treats, but she is so obviously anxious through it all.
Does anyone have any advice on how to help this kitten who is clearly struggling with the transition? I have no idea how I will ever get her to the vets for her injections, as I won't be able to get her in the carrier!!!
Her sister has fully adapted and is a bolshy little thing! She loves strokes, cuddles, any kind of affection and she is all over it. She loves to play, and will be the first to pounce or run.
However!!! She has maybe become a little too bolshy! To the point she is becoming a problem when food is around. She wants it all. Doesn't matter what it is, she is determined to get it. So far she has managed to get cheese, supernoodles, pringles, a chicken leg, and last nights pièce de résistance, had to be removed from a fucking birthday cake!!!! We try to shut her out when there is food, but she is bloody difficult to catch or chase out!! She won't be distracted with her own food, or treats! Nope, she will fight for the right to eat human food! She is absolutely under sized for her age, she is half the size of her sister, but she is gaining weight, and I have spoken to the vet who is happy with her. I've never had a cat (and I've had many over the years) who has been into human food like this, so this is a new one on me! Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? I did ask the vet about worms, but he said she doesn't sound like she has worms... so 🤷‍♀️.
Pictures included! First one is big kitten asleep on me from the first of the two times I've been able to get her to me to hold. She clearly loved it as she relaxed and slept... so why are we having such difficulty the rest of the time?!

OP posts:
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Isgooglebroken · 16/01/2022 10:58

Just stop trying to hold her and pick her up. She is telling you she doesn’t want to be picked up.

I’ve had my cat 3 years and it was very obvious early on she didn’t like to be picked up and held. She also still dashes off with any sudden movements and will run and hide if you walk too near her.

She will happily come to me, sleep on my knee and even sleep on me in bed at night but she doesn’t like being approached, and definitely doesn’t want to be held, so I don’t. I wouldn’t want to stress her and do anything to make her uncomfortable.

Isgooglebroken · 16/01/2022 10:58

They are gorgeous btw.

Haus1234 · 16/01/2022 11:04

I have 2 adult rescue sisters and one won’t be picked up, she just won’t have it and we’ve not traumatised her in any way so I think it’s just her personality. She is otherwise a little nervous but friendly, loves strokes etc. Putting her in the carrier for the vet is an hour job and last time utterly ruined my DH’s t shirt with huge claw slashes.

We still love them both Smile

Cattitudes · 16/01/2022 11:09

Our two were like that. The runt still remains rather inadequate as a cat (often doesn't use litter tray properly, can't jump, follows us everywhere) and will still try to get human food so we now tend to shut her out. If you consider her as a cute, walking, loyal, fluffy cushion who will eat anything she is more successful! The shy one over the years has become more used to us being around and will come to us for strokes but only on his terms. I think all you can do is try to take it easy on her terms, trying to avoid picking her up unnecessarily but working on proximity with her. The vets is an entirely different issue and even the most agreeable cat will turn into Houdini when faced with a cat box.

ClariceQuiff · 16/01/2022 11:13

Personally, I've never had a cat that enjoys being picked up. Some of them learn to tolerate it over time, but essentially with cats everything has to be on their terms!

Youaremypenguin · 16/01/2022 11:19

Let them do it their way. Cats have slaves remember! You make them do things they don't like they will ignore you and avoid. You accept their ways and remain calm they are more likely to include you in their world. They're only babies, cat take time, patience and calm!

Santahasjoinedww · 16/01/2022 11:22

My dd has had her dcats 18 months and can still only pick one up without it wanting to get away! Dreamies may help her to love you more!!

AnnaMagnani · 16/01/2022 11:27

Most cats don't like being picked up. A lot will tolerate it but it isn't their favourite thing.

Currently I have a rescue and over 6 months we have gone from just being able to touch his neck, only the way he likes it, to him loving being stroked. But we still can't touch his legs and the only way to pick him up is to scoop either side and run holding him at arms length in front of you. Funnily enough he walks straight into the cat carrier!

Other cat we have had from a kitten. Yes we can pick her up and give her a cuddle but it's clear it's for us, not her. So we don't.

Let your kittens go at their pace. She sits on you, that's amazing. Just let her be.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 16/01/2022 11:35

The advice on my last thread was to handle them as much as possible.

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JackieJormpJormp4 · 16/01/2022 11:36

Tiny runt owner here, ours is also obsessed with human food. I wonder if it is because when she was with her larger siblings she only ever got scraps of what was left so grabs food whenever she can. She's 18 now and still looks like a tiny kitten. When she could go out she'd come home with packets of crisps, cup cakes (she loves eating the wrappers), pork chops, anything really. She begs permanently even though she has a constant supply of cat food. All human food has to be eaten in another room/locked away from her, it's a pain! The other one I'd just leave to come to you, it will take time but hopefully one day she'll tolerate handling.

ClariceQuiff · 16/01/2022 11:44

@ThisMustBeMyDream

The advice on my last thread was to handle them as much as possible.
Handle, yes, but on their terms. Let them come to you and be petted - but stop at the first sign of impatience. Offering treats by hand is a good way to encourage this - you may have to begin by dropping the treat on the floor rather than hand-feeding. Most cats respond enthusiastically to Dreamies.

It is a slow process. My shy rescue took about a week even to come out and still hides on the odd occasion a stranger enters the house. Three years on, he will come and snuggle up and roll over to have his tummy tickled. He'll tolerate me playing with his feet for a bit. But he won't sit on you and he hates being picked up - so we only do that when essential.

As time goes on your cats will lower their boundaries and you will learn exactly how far you can go with handling and to recognise signals that they've had enough.

autopsyandgrim · 16/01/2022 13:19

If your cat doesn't want to be picked up, they don't want to be picked up.

This is one of my cats who at the moment is cuddled up next to me in my bed purring.
She will only come this close to me if I am on my bed and usually sleeps snuggled up next to me gave myself the fright of my life once when I reached out, found the cat and in my half asleep state I thought DH had grown fur. I can't pick her up but DH can long enough to stuff her in a cat carrier.

She's breathtakingly stupid though.

autopsyandgrim · 16/01/2022 13:19

Photo might help!

Runt of the litter probs, and sister who can't be picked up! Help!
ThisMustBeMyDream · 16/01/2022 13:39

OK, forget the picking up. I think what I'm asking is being missed (probably because it was lengthy!). She doesn't want any sort of human touch whatsoever. By handling, I mean touch, stroke as well as picking up. Not being able to pick up isn't an issue as such, but not being able to have any sort of contact is what I'm asking about. I was advised to handle them as much as possible as kittens because it seemed they hadn't been socialised. It has worked with little one, but big one is still not happy.

OP posts:
ThisMustBeMyDream · 16/01/2022 13:41

@JackieJormpJormp4

Tiny runt owner here, ours is also obsessed with human food. I wonder if it is because when she was with her larger siblings she only ever got scraps of what was left so grabs food whenever she can. She's 18 now and still looks like a tiny kitten. When she could go out she'd come home with packets of crisps, cup cakes (she loves eating the wrappers), pork chops, anything really. She begs permanently even though she has a constant supply of cat food. All human food has to be eaten in another room/locked away from her, it's a pain! The other one I'd just leave to come to you, it will take time but hopefully one day she'll tolerate handling.
Yes, I thought similar, that she has always had to fight for her existence. It doesn't sound like she is going to get any better then!
OP posts:
Curiousmouse · 16/01/2022 15:04

@ClariceQuiff

Personally, I've never had a cat that enjoys being picked up. Some of them learn to tolerate it over time, but essentially with cats everything has to be on their terms!
We have a huge athletic lump who slumps on anyone, and expects to be able to.
Curiousmouse · 16/01/2022 15:05

I think I'd try and handle her more rather than less, although I've never had a feral kitten, so I may be wrong.

DeathMetalMum · 16/01/2022 15:35

We have two cats who were practically ferral kittens when they came to us. We have had them two years now and both come for strokes, sleep on our bed etc but mostly only on their terms. Female cat was and is more confident still will come and curl up with us on the sofa and will stay if we sit next to her - most of the time. She will tolerate strokes, but only really likes dd1 and dp she's very fussy. Male was always more apprehensive, would watch us from behind the sofa come out for a few seconds and run back to safety. He now sleeps on our bed comes to bed with us at night for strokes and is there in the morning - or tires to wake me up at 3am for strokes. Always on his terms still doesn't like being approached but is far more affectionate than his sister, will come to anyone in the house when he wants some attention. It took them about 12 months to fully relax around us all, both were always more relaxed around the dc than us.

We spent many (a good few months) evenings when the dc were in bed sitting on the living room floor with toys or food getting them used to approaching us and getting them used to being touched. We have had them two years and can still notice occasionally that they are even more comfortable - male cat is coming over to us in the evenings to sit with us rather than on the chair in the corner for example.

I would take it slow, plenty of play, plenty of treats let her come to you and handle them without picking up.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 17/01/2022 08:06

@ThisMustBeMyDream

OK, forget the picking up. I think what I'm asking is being missed (probably because it was lengthy!). She doesn't want any sort of human touch whatsoever. By handling, I mean touch, stroke as well as picking up. Not being able to pick up isn't an issue as such, but not being able to have any sort of contact is what I'm asking about. I was advised to handle them as much as possible as kittens because it seemed they hadn't been socialised. It has worked with little one, but big one is still not happy.
Not all cats like being touched or stroked or fussed over.

I have three cats - one is a love bug and is all over anyone who comes into the house. She will actively seek out fuss and shout if you don't give her enough attention.

The oldest is a rescue and it took me three months to be able to go within two feet of him without being hissed at. It was a year before I heard him purr and four years before DH heard it. He will now actively ask to be picked up but only on his terms and for very short periods.

The youngest is kind of in between - he will seek out fuss but prefers to sit on/near you without being touched too much, though he will ask for head scratches sometimes.

The point I'm trying to make is they're all different and you can do all the right things and still end up with a cat that doesn't like being touched too much.

You just need to take it slowly. Let big kitten approach on their terms. Keep offering food by hand. Slow, baby steps.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 18/01/2022 16:57

Well, it seems today has been some sort of turning point. Either that or she isn't well!
She has made her way on to my knee twice, allowed strokes, petting, and has not jumped at a single noise (my dc are on the opposite sofa playing a game making an almighty racket!). She has been on my knee for about an hour now. My bum is numb, but I dare not move in case she thinks "well, that's the last time I grace her with my presence". Photo for cuteness!
Ps. It might be the blanket that lured her in!

Runt of the litter probs, and sister who can't be picked up! Help!
OP posts:
ThisMustBeMyDream · 19/01/2022 23:46

Major changes again today. She is finally relaxing, seeking out attention, sleeping on my lap, and just generally being cat like! She is still very jumpy, but this is a huge improvement.
So huge, I don't know where DP is gonna be sleeping tonight, but it isn't here Grin

Runt of the litter probs, and sister who can't be picked up! Help!
Runt of the litter probs, and sister who can't be picked up! Help!
Runt of the litter probs, and sister who can't be picked up! Help!
OP posts:
GodspeedJune · 19/01/2022 23:53

Brilliant update. They’re both gorgeous Smile

JackieJormpJormp4 · 23/01/2022 13:35

I'd like to tell you otherwise but we've had 18 years of the non stop scabbing now! Just saw your update, looks like things are moving in the right direction, good luck with everything.

Shmithecat2 · 23/01/2022 13:45

I rescued a feral kitten when she was 4mo. She's now 8yo and still won't let me pick her up. She hates it and will literally wet and poo herself. So I don't pick her up until I absolutely have to (vet visits, thankfully few and far between). No amount of handling will change a cats preference. Leave her to it. It took my cat about another 4 months after rescuing her for her to crawl onto my lap. You can't make a cat do anything it doesn't want to. Just leave her to her own devices.

As for the runt, what are you feeding them and how often?

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