Cat swiping toddler

[HobnobbingAboutHobnobs]

I am in such a quandary about what to do. My cat is about 5 years old and has taken to swiping at my toddler, sometimes at her face. Toddler (nearly 3) loves cat, insists on being the one to put food in her bowl every day, stroking her (with gentle hands) and tries to play with her. Cat has suffered from stress cystitis in the past, and has spaces that she can go to that toddler cannot access. Also she has a cat flap so she can go out whenever she wants. Add into the equation that I am 8 months pregnant.

A few days ago, cat scratched toddler's face quite badly (long scratches on cheek, lip bleeding). I didn't see what happened as I was in the room next door, but they weren't together alone for very long. Before I am told that I should never leave them unsupervised together, that's all well and good but I can't and don't want to keep eyes on them every second of the day. Toddler often plays independently and that's something I feel is important (especially with baby imminent).

My husband feels that we should look at finding a new home for cat, as this isn't the first face swipe and we've seen unprovoked hand swipes previously. I am so unsure about what to do (no, I won't be rehoming the toddler or the husband before it's suggested!) as I don't want the cat to be unhappy (as surely she must be if she's being aggressive) or the toddler to get hurt. Any advice would be appreciated!

Well the toddler will soon learn what the consequences are of doing whatever they're doing
I wouldn't be doing anything at the minute apart from keeping a closer eye on them

Oh dear, that is a dilemma. It doesn't sound as though your cat is enjoying your toddler's attention, gentle as he is. It could be that she finds him noisy and unpredictable - which is normal behaviour for toddlers! And your little boy must be bewildered that his much-loved pet is scratching him.

I think a check-up at the vet should be your Plan A, to check that your cat isn't in pain from an abscess etc. If nothing is found, ask your vet about Feliway or similar, to calm the cat. But if this behaviour continues, I'd consider rehoming the cat before your toddler's eyes are scratched. Kitty may be happier in a home without young children.

Tell your child to leave the cat alone, and enforce it absolutely rigorously.

If the cat then attacks him without any possible perceived provocation have it pts, not rehomed as otherwise someone else will have the problem

Child should be taught NEVER to touch the cat unless supervised by you AND the cat goes towards your child. Your child should never approach your cat. Its basic pet ownership.

I'd rehome the cat - it sounds a miserable situation for the cat and the toddler.

No stroking, gentle hands or not and no playing. The cat must be left alone. No matter what it takes.

Does the cat have plenty of high spaces to get away from toddler?
A cat tree is great, the ability to traverse a room via furniture etc without ever touching the floor is golden.

Second Feliway / Pet Remedy diffuser to reduce stress. Maybe Zylkene in the short term especially with the new arrival.

Toddler also needs to be encouraged to leave cat alone - only approaching when you say its ok to do so. This will help keep them both safe.

Get rid of the cat!

I think you either need to have the toddler in an adults eye sight at all times or have places where you can shut the cat out.
If you want the toddler unsupervised for a few mins, you need to take the cat with you and stop them being together.
Even a good 3/4 year old will do impulsive things - accidentally play rough. They can't be reliable all the time no matter how well you teach them. They must be separated for their own safety. If you can't do that, then you need to rehome. If under your supervision the cat still goes for toddler than rehome.
Also - you're about to have a baby. Toddler is going to have escalating behaviour for a bit. Cat is also going to be stressed by baby. Things are going to get worse, and your priority must be the children.
Also - you've said nasty scratches on the toddler's face on 2 different occasions. What if next time its the eye? You're very close to a potentially life changing injury.

If you're not willing or able to keep an eye on them at all times, I'm not sure what you expect people to suggest

Toddlers can never be trusted alone with animals so you either need to leave your toddler in a room where the cat doesn't have access, or you take the toddler with you so you can supervise what's going on.

Cat scratches can be nasty - why would you leave your child unattended with one?

I hate to say get rid of the cat but it sounds like the child and cat aren't being supervised together which isn't ok. It's unlikely cat approaches toddler and scratches unprovoked so either separate them until toddler can be trusted or get rid. Mine were allowed to stroke supervised our old cats from about 4 but we have a new cat who is less tolerant and they are still at 6 and 8 only Allowed to interact with her under supervision. Even that doesn't necessarily stop scratches though.

I would at least look at creating more escape routes for the cat, up high, and enforcing to DD that she doesn't touch cat unless it comes to her and stays there. I don't think she's in imminent big danger but she needs to get the message. I suppose if it doesn't improve you'll need to rehome but if it's an old cat I'd worry about their chances.

It seems really unfair on the cat. Gentle hands or not I'm not convinced the swipes are unprovoked. Sure. Allow independent play but only if the cat is in its own area.

I can remember as a child my cat doing this to me all the time- it was never unprovoked just me being a child and doing the opposite of what I should. Your little one will soon learn to stop provoking if the cat is actually causing her pain. Even know I have a cat that scratches when I mess around- clearly never learnt as an adult either lol!

I have 2 cats and a 2 year old and the cats are never left alone with her, it wouldn't be fair on any of them!
1 cat loves her, likes to watch her play (from the back of the sofa) or lies right next to her and dd is always told to be gentle when stroking cat 1, but there are still times when she might pull her tail or be loud or chase the cat across the room to stroke it. That is when the cat could lash out and why they're never left alone.

Cat 2 has very little to do with dd & generally keeps out of the room she is in. Sometimes dd will spot the cat napping and go for a stroke and cat 2 will just get up and leave.

I completely understand that you want your toddler to play by herself, but then that means ensuring the cat is not left alone with her.

@BabyFeb22

I can remember as a child my cat doing this to me all the time- it was never unprovoked just me being a child and doing the opposite of what I should. Your little one will soon learn to stop provoking if the cat is actually causing her pain. Even know I have a cat that scratches when I mess around- clearly never learnt as an adult either lol!

^this.

I’d get crabby being mithered by a toddler - hardly a reason for rehoming

Toddler needs to leave the cat alone. As you are not facilitating this the cat is doing it for itself

Cats only do this out of fear, you shouldn’t have left the cat and toddler unattended like that. You take one of them with you. My dm never let me play alone at that age, she’s not even 3 you can’t leave her alone like that or she runs the risk of getting injured and you have to tell a dr you weren’t even in the room.

Cats find children very unpredictable, because kids are by nature unpredictable. The toddler doesn’t get to insist she feeds the cat either, she’s a baby and not in charge of anything.

Your dh is right, she needs a better home and you need to supervise your child before she gets hurt.

Sorry op, but the unwillingness to supervise a toddler with an animal that could cause it serious harm is a complete cop out. If you want your toddler to play with no supervision then make sure the cat is out or in an area of the house that the toddler can’t access. Would you allow your toddler unsupervised play next to an open flame, sharp knives or a paddling pool? Take some responsibility for your child! If you’re doubting the damage your cat can do then google cat attack videos. It’s gone for your toddlers hands repeatedly, and now it’s going for her face.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I completely understand what people are saying about keeping the two of them separated, but the cat will frequently go into whatever room the toddler is in! Shutting the cat away then distresses the cat, she meows and scratches at doors. So, so many high and inaccessible places have been provided for the cat to use, but she always chooses to sit right next to where the toddler is playing. I really don't think it's fear that's causing this, as I said the cat seeks out the toddler and doesn't run away. I am under no illusions that my toddler is an angel, and take the point that she may still be being rough with the cat.

I'm going to speak to a couple of local shelters today and ask their advice. I hate to consider rehoming the cat, but realistically the household is going to be much louder and busier very shortly, and it will be even harder for me to keep children and cat separated. In the short term, I'll keep a much closer eye on the two of them and reinforce the "leave the cat alone" message as much as possible.