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Heartbroken over death of cat

27 replies

queensonia · 02/01/2022 17:34

My cat Angel died on New Years Day. I had taken her to the vet in the morning because she was lethargic and her breathing was laboured. Because it was new year I didnt see her regular vet and had to go to a different branch of the same practice.so they had all her notes on the computer. She was already on medication for high blood pressure and thyroid and was on a special diet for her kidneys . The vet examined her and said she was dehydrated so suggested keeping her in and putting her on a drip for 24 hours. I left without even saying a proper goodbye pleased that I had done the right thing. At 10pm they phoned to say she had died. I drove straight back to bring her home and saw a different vet. When she was explaining what had happened she mentioned that in Angel’s notes from 3 months earlier, her regular vet had noted that she had cardiomyopathy (a serious heart condition). I was stunned because my vet hadn’t actually told me this or suggested putting her on medication to control it or at least slow its progress. This is what would caused the laboured breathing and lethargy so now I can’t understand why they didn’t treat that first instead of putting her on a drip which would have only added to the fluid on her chest which is what killed her. Angel was 21.5 years old and the most loving beautiful cat who slept curled on my pillow or at my side every night.. My relationship with her was the longest I have ever had in my life - even longer than with my own parents. I am lost without her and feel so guilty that I let her down because I didn’t realise the change in her health was due to a heart condition. If I had I would have taken her back to her regular vet before Christmas when I first spotted her breathing. But like an idiot I was so distracted planning Christmas that I didn’t prioritise her and now it’s too late. I know 21 is a good age for a cat but her mother lived to 23 and I was hoping to have another 2 years with my darling girl. I have insurance so the cost of treatment was never an issue.

OP posts:
Haus1234 · 02/01/2022 17:37

Oh OP I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

21 years is seriously such a good age for a cat though and 23 is pretty exceptional. Cats are so good at hiding when they don’t feel well so you couldn’t have known as soon as she started hurting. She had such a good life with you and she is no longer in pain.

queensonia · 02/01/2022 17:40

The vet wasn’t staffed all the time either that night and she died in between staff visits so she was alone in a strange place and I hadn’t even said goodbye because I was so sure I’d just pick her up in the morning. I’d taken her to the vets to get better and they killed her. I can’t bear it.

OP posts:
LiveFromNewYork · 02/01/2022 17:41

I’m so sorry to hear about your lovely cat, they really become such features in our lives yet we have to live with the knowledge that they won’t be around forever. It sounds to me like Angel was ready to go and slipped away, she didn’t want to worry you. Death always brings up feelings of guilt, but there’s nothing for you to feel guilty about and ultimately feelings of guilt don’t change anything. Better to try and hold close all your memories and be secure that you gave her a lovely long life.

everybodystalking · 02/01/2022 17:44

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful companion.
I also lost my dear pet on 31st.
When animals (or humans) have kidney problems, heart problems and endocrine problems (thyroid) the burden on the pet's organs is very great: balancing all the needs of the various organs becomes impossible...heart meds affect the kedneys, thyroid meds affect the metabolism, kidneys affect fluid overload and dehydration. You did the absolute best thing for your wonderful friend and I don't think that there was another outcome that would have been possible at this time.
Like you I am feeling empty and alone just now. Be kind to yourself and remember all thet you shared with her...I'm very sorry that you have to bear this but you were her all for a long time and you did the absolute best for her.

JustBkind · 02/01/2022 17:48

Oh I am so deeply sorry for you and the loss of your beautiful girl. Our pets do become our best friends and it is heart wrenching when something happens to them, especially when you can’t do anything about it. Please be assured that she is at peace now in animal heaven and is no longer suffering. Hold those beautiful memories close to you. Sending you the biggest hugs ((((((💗))))))

HunkyPunk · 02/01/2022 17:49

Don’t feel guilty. You did your very best for her by relying on a vet’s advice, like we all would have to do, and you weren’t in possession of all the facts, through no fault if your own. I’m not suggesting you should do this, if it makes things more painful for you, but I would feel compelled to find out why the heart problems were not treated or communicated to you, and whether they were taken into consideration when a drip was advised. I can’t bear important details being skated over, and it might give you some sort of closure, if you try to get some answers to your misgivings about her treatment. Flowers

JustBkind · 02/01/2022 17:50

@everybodystalking So sorry to hear of your loss too and thinking of you also at this very sad time 💗💐

queensonia · 02/01/2022 18:17

@HunkyPunk
Yes I do need to speak to the vets who treated her to get some answers although I’m afraid that will make me feel even worse. It would be easier to accept that her death was nature taking its course rather than it being caused by medical negligence

OP posts:
queensonia · 02/01/2022 18:23

@everybodystalking
Oh I’m so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. What’s your pet’s name?You’re absolutely right that it was probably impossible to juggle the treatment for 3 different conditions so thank you for pointing that out. It does make me feel a little better

OP posts:
everybodystalking · 02/01/2022 18:36

my pet was Heidi, she also had cardiac problems and went into renal failure very suddenly. It's a shock to lose them but I think they just keep going until they absolutely can't.

Cailleach · 02/01/2022 18:57

I mean this as gently as possible, but the average life expectancy for a cat is 15 - 21 is really very very old indeed, the equivalent of us humans getting to 110 or so.

It is very likely that your cat was on her way out anyway - you did what you thought was right but in all honesty her heart was probably failing due to her age: most of us will die of heart failure in the end. Also, thyroid problems can cause heart disease I believe, so there may have been nothing they could have done for her at that point. ( I suspect the vet was trying to tell you that she was in heart failure anyway by mentioning her cardiomyopathy.)

She probably just curled up in a ball for a sleep and never woke up - not a bad way to go, bless her.

Sorry for your loss x

queensonia · 02/01/2022 19:06

@Cailleach
Thanks for your message. I know you’re right and I had of course been bracing myself for this day for years. I need this thread so that complete strangers can talk some sense into me

OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 02/01/2022 19:17

I’m so sorry you lost your lovely pet . We (well my dd ) made the decision to have our puss pts on the 20th December, she was very poorly and dd didn’t want her to suffer. I say this with love Op but I think it was time for your puss to go , I’m sure she had a wonderful life with you and decided to slip away to save you having to make the difficult decision.
We now have a moggy shaped hole in our lives and despite me cursing her when she tripped me up on the stairs, I miss her terribly.
We had her cremated and she’s now taking pride of place in a lovely casket on the sideboard.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/01/2022 21:29

So Sorry. As a PP said. Trying to balance different organs is really tricky. My cat hat HCM. But actually died of kidney failure, exacerbated by having her diuretic disease doubled. She was never unwell with the heart disease. And I didn't notice how unwell the kidney failure made her until it was too late, and it would have been cruel to treat it. Its really hard. But 21 is a wonderful age. Not that it makes it any easier.

Noseylittlemoo · 02/01/2022 21:51

I really empathise with you @queensonia.
Your story of dear Angel is so similar to my cat Parsnip.
He was vomited, was lethargic and not eating one day so the next day I took him to the vet. She said his heart was a bit slow but other than that she didn't seem concerned - she thought he might be constipated and told me to keep an eye on him for a couple of days and come back if no better. The next day he was collapsing when he tried to walk and was drinking abnormally lots. So I took him to another vet who said he was dehydrated but again not overly worried. He actually said its not like I think he will die overnight! But advised us to take him to emergency vet to get some fluids into him and do blood test to see why he was so lethargic.
The emergency vets called in the night to say he had deteriorated rapidly , and his stomach was filled with fluid going to his lungs. He had to be put down in the morning (9th Dec).
He was only 2.5 years old.
Like you I started to wonder why they hadn't done tests sooner and I googled lots of symptoms. But I realised it was just making me sadder as nothing I could do would bring him back. I had to accept he was gone as heartbreaking as it was and blaming anyone didn't make any difference to my pain.
He was an adorable affectionate creature with a big character. I have lots of lovely memories and photos and have made a calendar of some of them.
I read a saying which said "if love could have saved you you would have lived forever". It's a bit cheesy but it really helps me when I think about Parsnip and I hope it will comfort you about Angel too

queensonia · 02/01/2022 22:07

@Noseylittlemoo I’m so sorry to hear about poor little Parsnip. And he was so young ! What I didn’t put in my initial post was that Angel was the second of my cats who didn’t survive a drip at this same vet’s. In Buffy’s case she was really at deaths door by the time I got her to the vets which is why I was so sure I had done the right thing getting Angel on a drip when she was still relatively well. Now I really don’t know if that’s the case and your experience is very troubling and really makes me question my faith in vets. How long ago did you lose Parsnip? How are you coping ?

OP posts:
Noseylittlemoo · 02/01/2022 22:23

Thank you for your reply @queensonia
We lost Parsnip on 9th of December so about a month ago. I'm still heartbroken but I can think of him and look at photos without crying all the time now which I couldn't for the first week or 2.
I would love to get another cat but nervous that a new one wouldn't be as affectionate x

purpleme12 · 02/01/2022 22:31

I am so sorry about your cat OP
Crying reading your thread
They're so amazing little animals
Sending love

Tournaments66 · 02/01/2022 22:38

So sorry for your loss op. My heart breaks for you.

Your cat must have had a wonderful life. Treasure and remember those times, not how she died.

We have had two cats take themselves off to die when they were old. I always worry if I should have helped them sooner and it is so hard not having been able to say goodbye.

I'm sure all that love and care was in your cats mind and before she died she would have known you were coming back in the morning. In other words she would have died knowing she was loved and where her home is.

queensonia · 02/01/2022 22:38

@Noseylittlemoo
I know what you mean. Some cats are simply too special to replace. But I think that if you get a kitten, the more you stroke it the more affectionate it becomes. Older cats can be harder I would imagine if they haven’t had an abundance of love in their past. I’m encouraged to hear that after a month you’ve managed to focus on the happy times with Parsnip

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 02/01/2022 22:41

Yes they must know they're loved
We love them so much and they love us back

queensonia · 02/01/2022 22:46

@Tournaments66 thanks so much for your kind words. That must have been very traumatic for you losing your two cats that way but it does seem like a more natural way for their lives to run their course. I think I would have preferred that to be honest. But there’s no such thing a good way to lose your beloved friends is there. I think we’re doomed to be left with questions and guilt and regret whatever we do or don’t do

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 02/01/2022 22:47

We can only do what we can with the information that we have to hand at the time
It's all that we can do
And you did the best thing for her with what you knew

queensonia · 02/01/2022 22:48

@purpleme12. Thanks for your kind message. Cats really are the most perfect creations especially the kind who just seem to radiate love

OP posts:
Sunshineandrainbow · 02/01/2022 22:59

Lucky angel to share her life with you op bet she had a purfect life.
It is so heartbreaking and my gorgoeus girl was also 21 when we lost her. I still miss her terribly but I know she had the best life and she was ready to go and the kindest thing for her was to let her.
In time it will get easier but she will always have a piece of your heart.