Bonding with new cat

[MagnusMagnusson]

hi,

I am hoping someone might have a similar experience to me.
We have just re-homed a lovely rescue cat, she is gorgeous, loads of energy, very chatty, A really special cat. There is one problem, she reminds me so much of my previous cat who died 4 months ago that I am struggling to bond with her and feel at ease. Don't get me wrong, I am still giving her lots of attention, cuddles, treats and talking to her but so often when i look or play with her she just reminds me so much of my previous cat who I was devastated to lose. Both cats look different, very different size, temperaments etc. but I am still pining after my first cat. I feel dreadful, as though I am not fully committed to this lovely new girl. Rest of the family are loving her and I feel she is very special too but I can't just can't seem to fully bond with her as she is not my old cat who I still miss dearly. I am really worried that we have committed to her when I wasn't ready or is this something that happens when a beloved cat dies and a new rescue comes into a person's life? As I say it's been 4 months since beloved cat passed away. I thought that I was ready but I am wondering if I am. Would appreciate anyone's experience on this. Thankyou

A very similar situation happened to me 20 yrs ago.

I felt that I was acting, with the new cat. That she'd know somehow that I was struggling.
My situation was that I lost my v young cat suddenly and was devastated, but only a couple weeks later the new cat had to be homed and I was the one who said I would home her.

Yet, as the days, weeks went by we bumbled along and she became a cat in her own right.
My feelings for my cat that died started to belong more as a memory of feelings.
New cat was so grateful all the time and it was uplifting.

Old cat remained very special to this day. In fact I thought about him today alot.

As animal lovers I think we can always find a way to let them into our hearts.
I'm sure your new cat is having it's best life. Xx

I got a new cat two weeks after one of mine died. I hadn't planned too. But the right cat was in the rescue. She is also very different to my previous cat, but does some of the exact same behaviours that her predecessor did. It was very bitter sweet at first. But Now I love to be reminded of Maia when Cheddar does the same thing. You will get there OP.

I got a new cat very soon after my precious Buns died. I just couldn't bear to be in a silent home without a cat OP.
She will never replace Buns but I am happy to have a new baby to take care of. Shes different but like you I get pangs, memories and feel sad but zi don't let it spoil my happiness with the new cat.

thankyou everyone for your replies. They are very comforting, I have been quite concerned about this and very aware that every cat deserves a loving home and to be treated in their own right. It sounds as though it is a matter of time rather than anything to be very concerned about. I wonder if there has perhaps been a reluctance on my behalf not to move on with my memories of my previous cat. As though I am doing her a disservice or something. So hard when these gorgeous animals take a piece of our hearts when they die. She was so loved and perfect for our family. I just hope that in time I can have similar feelings about our new cat who is wonderful but feels quite alien to me at the moment. @Shehasadiamondinthesky i will take your idea of not letting my memories spoil my happiness of our new cat. Thankyou x

Takes a few months in my experience. I lost my three cats over a 24 month period (aged 18, 19 and 20) and it was so tough to have them go. Just horrible. Got new cats quickly as the house was too sad and empty without a cat in it, but I did not feel they "measured up" for a while, or rather my love for them didn't. Roll forward a couple of years and I totally love them just as much, ridiculous quirks and all. I still think of my other cats (and other cats I have lost) often, every day probably, but not quite with the same desperate longing I had for the first few months.

I really think it just takes time.

Do you think it was a little too soon for you?

I found it hard to bond with new cat because she wasn’t like the old cats. We really wanted new cat, cute and lovely and needed a home from the shelter, but it made me cry that she didn’t look or act like the old ones and i feared i would never bond with her.
A few months later (i think of the old cats every few days with remembrance and mourning loss) but new cat is such a stable fixture that i cannot be without her.
So, give it time. It will happen.

I agree with everyone else. It takes time. I had my previous cat for 20 years and was just so used to him and his ways. For a while, I felt like I was just going through the motions with my new cat, but I love her to bits now. I'm sure that you'll soon love her for who she is.