Rehoming guilt...

[DivorceAdvicePlease123]

I took in a cat for an elderly relative last Christmas after they were moved to a care home. The relative was none the wiser (dementia) and I really didn't want to take on the responsibility at all as I was in a very bad place at the time and just had enough to deal with. Anyway I was pretty much blackmailed and guilted into it so cat came to me. Fast forward 8/9 months... I'm now in a long distance relationship, am out of the house probably 4 out of 7 weekends all weekend. I work full time. Not close to neighbours. I live 15 odd miles away from anyone who can feed her and I'm the only one with a car, I can't afford to keep paying cat sitters £12 per feed. I'm also out of the house working all day anyway and at least 13 hours per day each Wednesday as I'm now in evening class too. My lovely home is now covered in cat hair and shit / piss stains. This wasn't the main issue as I genuinely fell in love with Puss, I just couldn't be around enough for her. She is elderly and vet bills that I can't pay will only rise. I couldn't keep asking my Mum to do 2 hour bus journeys to look after her and I couldn't just not have a life and stay in all the time. But I feel like the biggest bastard in the world. She's with Cats Protection and they've agreed she needs someone elderly who is always or often in the house. I've cried so much since she's gone and I contacted them to ask how she was. She's "still a bit grumpy" but eating. If I won the lottery I'd go and scoop her up tomorrow. But I haven't :-(

I'm sorry. For what it's worth, it sounds like you've done the right and only thing, for you and for her. Which I appreciate doesn't make it any easier.

Not sure if this helps any, but we rehomed our lovely cat from a family who had boisterous young DC who were terrorising her. They loved her so very much and absolutely agonised over giving her up, but it was 100% the best thing for her. It sounds like your situation is similar.

She has a sweet deal here - no noisy children, a big garden to play in, two double beds to snooze in as well as her own, and is by far and away the boss of this house. Right now she is snoozing on my heated throw (while I perch uncomfortably on the end of it) and purring like a train. Four years on and I still actually keep in touch with her former “mum” - I’m not sure if that’s an option via CPL or not?

@Judystilldreamsofhorses That’s lovely you are still in touch with the previous owner, we had to give a cat up and no idea what happened though we were told he’d ‘gone to live with a vicar’.

I was reading an article about cats which said they don’t really retain memories. Obviously if they are mistreated that affects them, but if I gave up my well adjusted cat tomorrow and he found a nice new home in a few weeks he wouldn’t be bothered. So your cat will be fine and happy in her new home. And it will get easier.

You did the right thing for the cat, as upsetting as it may be for you (and perhaps initially, puss). She will be much happier with someone around all day. You didn’t choose to have a pet at the end of the day, it was thrust upon you and you’ve done your best.

@TheCategoryIs we send photos of gorgeous cat-face, they send photos of gorgeous children 🤣. This was a “private adoption” though, not through a shelter.

Also agree re your second point. She was delivered here by her former family and was quite agitated (partly because she hates going in the cat box) when she arrived. There was a bit of hiding under the sofa but she was easily lured out with Dreamies, and in my lap by the end of the night. After a few weeks DP started to leave the back door open and go out for “a walk” with her - initially she followed him straight back in, but within a couple of days she that garden and was scaling trees/the shed like a pro! Previously she had been an indoor cat, now in the summer she would live in a flower bed and only come in for meals if we didn’t lock her in overnight.

Thanks everyone. She stank of rain and mud and was sometimes stroppy and sometimes she sat on my lap and purred to sleep and made me laugh with her mad half hours. I do love Puss 💔