Help - younger cat being monstrous to older cat since arrival of new baby (human)

[RandomCatGenerator]

Hi everyone

My situation is making me so sad and so angry at the younger cat - which isn’t fair, he’s just a cat, but I don’t know what to do.

I have two cats. One is fourteen and we adopted her at nine years old. She was an indoor-outdoor cat but has become an indoor cat since we moved to a country where it would be very dangerous for her to be outside. We got the second as company for her as she was very bored and becoming depressed at being indoor only. We adopted him as a kitten and he’s now three.

I had a baby six weeks ago. The dynamic has gone badly.

Neither cat minds the baby per se. The older cat is totally unbothered - her previous home had young children. The young cat is baffled and curious but not aggressive.

However…the young cat can’t deal with the shift whereby he gets less attention than he used to. And as well as being really really loud and a bit destructive, he keeps attacking the older cat - really often and really really aggressively. In turn, she’s getting stressed and over grooming. She’s almost bald on parts.

I cannot bear seeing her so stressed and sad. I love her so much. She’s got me through some really hard times. She deserves to be happy in her old age. The young cat is stressed I get that, but he’s being so so awful and horrible.

What can I do? Honestly the last few days have been particularly bad and I can’t see a happy way forward.

Thanks

Please help :(

Buy a feliway plug in.

Give the younger cat more attention? Buy automated toys for him to bat at?

You have my sympathy. I would speak to the vet to see if they can suggest anything that would help. I would also try the plug in suggested by another poster and some toys to stimulate your younger cat. It sounds cruel but you might have to re-home your younger cat if the older one is becoming so stressed. We had a similar situation where our older cat ended up leaving home which was unbelievably sad.
I had done everything I could but had not been able to resolve the situation. In the end your older cat needs to be safe. I hope you can get some help OP!

@RandomCatGenerator as you know I've got similar issues though my 2 cats are more similar in age so are more used to each other. Our male hounds our female.

We're going to get another feliway and see if that helps. I'm also going to try and spend more time with them but it is hard to do.

Can you separate the cats for a bit so she has space away from the young cat? Does she have a safe space to go to?

We separate our 2 at night so she gets time to relax. Plus upstairs seems to be her space so we try and keep him down stairs.

It doesn't help the noise he makes though or when he takes it upon him self to chase her. I'm hoping baby will get used to it

The beaphur plug in is £10 and my timid girl relaxed a lot on it, there’s also a matching drop on for their necks. Zylkene capsules also work and are well tolerated in food.

Can they live in different parts of the house for now?

We’re in a flat - it’s not huge and there’s no upstairs/downstairs so difficult for them to live in different parts.

I may try feliway. Has anyone else tried any kinds of drops? I can’t find Beaphur locally online but will keep looking.

@Ready2020 you do sound like you’re in a very similar position - thanks for looking this thread up and I hope your situation improves too! The noise…

I honestly am wondering about rehoming him. I’ve never rehomed an animal. We’ve had him nearly three years after adopting him as a street kitten. I’m in a country that doesn’t really regard cats as pets - they’re pest control only - so I am so worried about the life he would have. But he’s being so awful and I’m so worried about the older cat.

I’m also worried that when we move back to the UK (next year) and they can go outside, she’ll run away because she’s miserable.

She might enjoy a garden though.

@RandomCatGenerator been thinking about this again today as my male cat chased my female around!

Just wanted to say if you need to rehome your cat then don't feel guilty. If you do your best to find a home for him then that's all you can do. I got a lab puppy years ago when I lived with an ex (same time I got the cats and had a horse) and when my relationship broke down and I had to find somewhere else to live I had to rehome my dog and horse. I kept the cats as they were easier to find a flat with. I had guilt because you get a pet for life right... but sometimes things just don't work out. We gave him to a work friend of my ex and he had a great life. I saw him a few times before he died and he died an old man after a good life.

So I think if you can do what you can to find a home for him then that'll ease the guilt. If you decide to go down that road.

Despite having my male cat for this long I know he could have a better quality of life with no other cats and more space. But I've yet to find a place for him.

@EachandEveryone

She might enjoy a garden though.

I’m sure she would! But I live in a place where pets are regarded as pests themselves quite often, rabies is a risk, and there are a lot of large natural predators. She wouldn’t be safe unfortunately. When we get back to the UK she’ll get to enjoy the garden again.

[quote Ready2020]@RandomCatGenerator been thinking about this again today as my male cat chased my female around!

Just wanted to say if you need to rehome your cat then don't feel guilty. If you do your best to find a home for him then that's all you can do. I got a lab puppy years ago when I lived with an ex (same time I got the cats and had a horse) and when my relationship broke down and I had to find somewhere else to live I had to rehome my dog and horse. I kept the cats as they were easier to find a flat with. I had guilt because you get a pet for life right... but sometimes things just don't work out. We gave him to a work friend of my ex and he had a great life. I saw him a few times before he died and he died an old man after a good life.

So I think if you can do what you can to find a home for him then that'll ease the guilt. If you decide to go down that road.

Despite having my male cat for this long I know he could have a better quality of life with no other cats and more space. But I've yet to find a place for him.[/quote]
Thanks @Ready2020 - you always have wise words 🙏 it makes a difference to hear someone else say it. But the guilt is real.

Your younger cat may feel as if it is competing for resources (including attention), I'm wondering if the lashing out at the older cat is it trying to assert its place in the pecking order. We also found with our kittens that as they got older, one of them (male) tried to dominate the other (female).

I would try to make sure that as much as possible it has its own space - this includes own litter tray, own food bowl and being fed separately, and it's own place to sleep. See if that improves things. If you can find 10 mins a day for some one on one playtime this could also help.

Also, it would be worth taking younger cat to the vet to,rule out any medical causes of aggression first.

No medical causes I’m afraid. He just seems to be a bit of an arsehole by nature to other cats! I know the person who has his brothers, they’re the same.

Really helpful suggestions above though @violetbunny - I will try separating out their resources.