Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Should I show surviving cat the dead cat's body or not?

30 replies

LittleGreyFluffyCat · 17/09/2021 13:53

I'm trying to make a difficult decision. Later today we're collecting the body of my poor little grey cat who was killed by a car on Wednesday.

Her brother was quite close to her, they were littermates, 1.5 years old. I can't decide whether it's wise or unwise to let him see and/or sniff the body of his sister when I bring her home for burial later today.

The vet's assistant said that vets have different opinions on this, some think it a good idea and others think it doesn't do anything useful.

My worry was that my surviving cat might think that we've murdered her if we bring her home dead! Obviously, cats don't have human levels of reasoning and thought, so I mean on some kind of base cat instinct level that it might frighten him in some way.

On the other hand, it might help him understand that she's not coming back.

But also I've been advised to not look at the body as it's not nice, yet the same vet assistant also said we might want to wrap her in a nicer blanket before burial (which would mean seeing her body), so there's that to think about too.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Charliechoosecarefully · 17/09/2021 13:54

I've never heard of this but wouldn't do it at all, my cats have always gotten over another animal leaving without seeing the body, I can't see how it would be helpful.

Peach1886 · 17/09/2021 14:08

So sad, just been looking at your photos of her on your other thread.

If you are picking her body up from the vets then maybe take the blanket you want to bury her in with you, and ask the vet to wrap her for you...then you don't have to look at what has become of her, which can only be distressing for you, and this is difficult enough.

Re letting her brother sniff/see her, I think that might sound like a "nice" thing to do but whether it will serve any real purpose for him - like us saying a final goodbye to another person - I don't know; he might want to guard her body/not leave it and then you're going to have to take it off him so you can bury it...again, more distress.

When I lost my lovely puss (of old age but I had to pts) it was comforting to remember him how he was not the difficult bit at the end, so I would spare yourself, and her brother, as much as you can.

lilmishap · 17/09/2021 14:08

Your cat will be able to smell the dead cat on you so I wouldn't display it if it's gruesome.
You're anthropomorphising with the idea that second cat may blame you for it.

You're having a crappy enough day, no need to add worrying you'll terrify your cat to it.

HirplesWithHaggis · 17/09/2021 14:11

I don't know if it helps any, but have some aecdata. I raised two unrelated kittens from about 12 weeks, and they became quite close. One had to be pts unexpectedly, though she had been off colour for a short time, and we left her at the vet for cremation. The remaining cat looked for her for weeks and was quite mopey.

Then I acquired two littermate brothers, and the older cat came to love them both very much indeed. They made a lovely group, and older cat actually appreciated the gifts the kittens brought him. He died very suddenly in my arms one night when the kittens were two years old. I curled him up in a box as if he were sleeping and left the box by the door where the young ones could see him. They sniffed him and briefly groomed his head, and seemed to understand he had gone.

They didn't seek him out, or call for him after that. But it's taken two years for them to interact as lovingly with me as they did with him.

So I had one sad cat with no corpse, and two "ok" cats with an intact body. The difference of course is that your dead one has physical injuries and that will be obvious to the surviving cat. It's my guess that seeing the dead cat might be more traumatic than the sadness of unexplained loss, so on balance I don't think I would show the body.

(And sorry if this is hardhearted, but why would you wrap the dead one in a prettier blanket? Seems a bit pointless, especially if you then have to see the injuries. :( )

Sorry to waffle on, and very sorry for your loss.

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/09/2021 15:29

We’ve done it twice so the remaining cats know their not coming back.

InpatientGardener · 17/09/2021 15:33

One of my cats was run over and dead when we found her. I had her wrapped in a towel and our other cat came over to see what was going on, I let her have a sniff of the body, she looked a bit confused then wandered off. I dont know whether she knew her friend was gone but I didnt think it could do any harm. Sorry for your loss

Mseddy · 17/09/2021 15:36

We have done this twice now at my parents who had 4 cats. Both times bodies where brought home to allow the other cats to see them pre cremation. Mixed reactions from the remaining cats. One clearly understood and sat with body meowing and washing. Then went off an moped for a bit. Others just sniffed and walked away. I have 2 of my own and I would 100% bring them home. Sorry for your loss

Toddlerteaplease · 17/09/2021 15:41

My cat was with her sister when she was PTS. She sniffed her body and recoiled. She absolutely blossomed from that moment. No grieving for her. 😥

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 17/09/2021 15:42

I did. They then sat and watched the burial, stayed out there a while by themselves, which was completely unlike them, then they came back in and curled up in quiet spaces for the afternoon.

Completely different to when animals were staying at the vet's, when I had them mithering around, calling and generally looking confused that one of them was missing.

Toddlerteaplease · 17/09/2021 15:43

I wrapped my girl in the blanket that was in her carrier the day I bought her home.

Myshitisreal · 17/09/2021 15:44

We had two who were like sisters for 13 years . One died naturally in the house this January and we let her sister sniff her. We didn't consciously do it. Our wee cat had been ill with cancer and had been incredibly well in herself. She suddenly went downhill and died as we were ringing the emergency vets within a few hours.

I don't think we would have brought her to sniff from the vets as the psssed kitty will also smell like the vets.

It's terrible decision to have to make. Go with your instinct.

Our remaining kitty is incredibly well but goes digging in my wardrobe sometimes and I'm sure she's looking for her sister.

You have my sympathy, 8months now and I'm still a blubbering mess when she comes up 😺

BertieBotts · 17/09/2021 15:45

I don't think she'll think you've killed the cat. I would bring it home but leave wrapped up.

WitchBaby · 17/09/2021 15:49

@InpatientGardener

Same, when my cat got run over (on the quietest road ever) I brought her son over to say goodbye. But he just had a sniff and walked off. I guess she smelt different at that point so there was no connection

3GreenPullups · 17/09/2021 15:51

We always try to show our animals the body of the deceased. They usually have a good sniff. We think it helps them to know their friend is dead.

They know what death is. I think if an animal just vanishes it is disrupting and they wonder what happened. You can't tell them in English, but you can tell them by showing them the body.

I recall one when one of our boy cats died. His sister who was devoted to him sniffed him all over and then sat next to his body. Our other female cat who was NOT friends with the others came over and sniffed him. Then she went to sister cat and licked her all over and lay down with her. The two were inseparable from that day. There is no doubt in my mind at all that they were grieving. It was important they knew what had happened IMO.

powershowerforanhour · 17/09/2021 15:53

The vet's assistant said that vets have different opinions on this, some think it a good idea and others think it doesn't do anything useful.

I say this in work. It's a more polite way of saying- it doesn't actually matter. Just do whatever you feel like doing. Having said that, if the cat died 2 days ago and was a bit mangled to start with, I'd probably just bury straight away without unwrapping at all and put a few flowers from the garden on top if there are any left.

Bluntness100 · 17/09/2021 15:54

Honestly if cats were to think you’d killed her, presenting the dead body would make them double down on that. I would not do this.

WitchBaby · 17/09/2021 15:57

There's no way the cat is going to think you killed her.

leavesthataregreen · 17/09/2021 15:57

We did. DCat's lovely twin brother was knocked down in the street and we brought his body home. DCat howled and kept his tail low for a couple of weeks but he recovered. I think it was good for him to know and not wonder. We also didn't want him to go looking for his brother as they tended to wander a bit too far in those days and we'd have been gutted to lose them both.

I think it was the right thing to do but can't be sure.

CorvusPurpureus · 17/09/2021 15:57

I would say yes if the cat had died peacefully of natural causes at home.

This happened to one of my dogs; the other two sniffed the body when I found her, looked a bit sad, were subdued for the rest of the day but clearly understood she was gone.

I think it's different as your cat was struck by a car, & also - sorry - because it's been a couple of days since she died. Plus there'll be the vet smell...I think your other cat might find that distressing & confusing.

I'm so sorry about your lovely cat .

BreatheAndFocus · 17/09/2021 16:05

Sorry about your beautiful cat. I’ve lost two cats to cars and it’s heartbreaking.

To answer your question - no, when our cat was killed on the road we didn’t show his body to his brother. We originally thought we should, but then changed our minds as we thought it would distress the other cat as it would look like we were somehow presenting them with the body of their brother, like we’d killed him or something. It wouldn’t have been something the other cat could comprehend.

It was upsetting because the surviving cat missed his brother dreadfully for weeks, but I’m not sure showing him his body would have eased that grief at all.

mangowithasqueezeoflime · 17/09/2021 16:10

We always did with our dogs. We didnt do this last time with elderly cat because the other two cats had only recently moved in and they weren't close.

Dogs will look for their friend so I would do it for cats who are pair bonded too.

ShowOfHands · 17/09/2021 16:10

My Mum had three cats and when one died and was cremated, the other two pined. They kept looking for her everywhere and were really distressed. When cat 2 died, the remaining one saw the body, groomed him, lay down next to him and watched the burial. None of the pining or distress afterwards. So maybe there is something in it.

SirenSays · 17/09/2021 16:16

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, I wouldn't do this, especially if you think it will be traumatic for you.

Duvetflower · 17/09/2021 16:22

Mother and daughter cat both in their late teens. We had mum PTS and cremated by the vet. Daughter cat had a bit of a wander round that afternoon looking for her, then shrugged her cat shoulders and got on with life.

Madwife123 · 17/09/2021 21:53

We lost our cat recently and couldn’t bear bringing her home dead as we were so distressed. Our other cats (including her daughter) seem to have adapted very quickly. I don’t think it really makes a difference to them if they see the body or not and it’s more about what makes you feel better.

Flip

1 2