We have a 9.5yr old rescue who has always given and wanted attention on her terms - very friendly but hates being picked up and only sits on laps if you’re the only person in the room. We’ve had various issues with her over the years which we’ve worked out the causes of and solved - all behavioural and she’s in good physical health.
A year ago we adopted a kitten when friends found him by a roadside. The intervention was very very slow and very calm and went better than expected, girl cat grew to mildly tolerate boy cat and he quickly realised she was top of the food chain. Got to the point probably 3-4months ago when they could sleep a foot away from each other on the sofa.
Gradually though girl cat has been distancing herself from us and the home to the point now where she rarely comes back (though last week spent a few days happily sleeping on DH’s desk). She goes to our Neighbour’s to hang out but they don’t feed her, just give her attention etc and will often help us convince her to come home for food.
She is looking skinny now because she doesn’t eat much though we took her to the vets recently and they said she’s in good health. She hisses at boy cat whenever she sees him whereas that has stopped after their first few meetings last summer.
We don’t know what to do. Should we just relinquish control and give the neighbours some food so she at least access to food if she doesn’t want to come home? Or ask them to go cold Turkey on her and not give attention or let her in the house so she starts to come back again? We would give her attention ourselves but she’s never here.
I’m sad that she’s rejecting us but ultimately I want her to be happy. Neighbours wouldn’t take her on (and honestly I love her and don’t want to give her away!) as one of them is pretty allergic.
Any bright ideas? Boy cat honestly barely looks in her direction any more when she’s around and if he does try to play he’ll immediate be subservient, show his belly etc if she swipes at him.
I don’t know if now he’s grown (and he’s pretty hefty!) she’s now scared of him? Even though he clearly knows she’s the dominant one.