How long did you grieve for after your cat passed away?

[Theoldwoman]

My dear boy passed away on Tuesday and I know it's only been 3 days, but I can't stop crying and thinking and replaying his last few days in my head.
It takes me ages to get to sleep at night too (unusual for me) fortunately once I'm asleep, I sleep well with no nightmares.
I keep thinking I'm seeing him in the house (shadows or items lying around make me think it's the cat)

I feel so lost.

@Theoldwoman - oh, my heart goes out to you.

When I lost my boy, I posted a random stream of consciousness on here and people were so lovely with their responses.

A little while later, I wanted to ask the same kind of question, but I didn’t. But I get it. It’s wanting someone, anyone to reassure you that you will feel better - because at the moment you can’t believe that could be true.

Everyone is different. Some will have family/kids to look after, some will be living on their own. Whatever your circumstances, try not to “force how/when your feelings matter.

I live on my own. For honest context, I was a mess for 4 months. After that, I could mention his name without crying in front of someone (but would cry when I got home). For the first 6 months, the date that he was PTS was hard each month. Similarly, his birthday and “gotcha” dates were really hard.

It’s now almost 17 months. In my heart, I miss him every day. But it’s an “internal” hurt rather than the pain you are currently feeling. I am able to talk about him without (mostly) crying,, but random moments can still slam me. The only thing I’m left to conquer are his photos. I have a laptop with god knows how many photos of him on that I haven’t been able to go through yet. But I’m almost at the stage of being ready to do it.

So, you will have seen from here that timelines and solutions are different for everyone. But just know that you aren’t alone in that feeling of wanting to know when the raw grief will pass.

I’m not good with posting links, but there is a “memorial” thread on here. When you feel ready, maybe post a photo or two along with your favourite memories.

💐

Aww so sorry. My girl Buns died in February. She was 19. I'm intears now thinking about her.
The others even from 20 years ago I miss every single day.
I often think about how wonderful the reunion will be on the other side when we are all there.

to all on here and to you, OP. I lost my beautiful 21 year old lady in March. The sweetest, most gentle creature. I think about her every day still. Looking at photos and videos helps me.

I did have a bad day a few weeks ago when I missed her so much. I had to go out for a walk with sunglasses as I was still crying but needed some fresh air. Over the course of a short (20 min) walk, 3 friendly cats came over to me to say hello and ask for a stroke or 10. I do that walk regularly and have never seen the cats before or since.

I am unsure about an afterlife etc. but like to think that maybe she was trying to send me some comfort from the beyond...!

Sorry for your loss

We lost BastardCat in March and think about him everyday and well up - he’ll never be replaced however, we’ve started to think about adopting a kitten. Mostly because we both miss having something to look after and there’s nothing more engaging than a cat!

I did adopt another cat within a couple of months because I have never in my adult life NOT had a cat and the house was miserable and quiet. So it's a mix of grief and loving the new cat. But really they keep living in your heart forever.

It takes as long as it takes.

I do think its harder if you've only got one cat, though, as you go from cat to absence of cat. After I lost my first cat quite traumatically I've tended to have two at a time, and though I've always grieved when one has died, the presence of the one who's remained has always been comforting. I've then gone and added a second cat/kitten whenever I've felt the time is right. As a result, although I'm still grieving my elderly cat who died a few weeks ago, I started asking about a kitten at my local cat rescue place. I was perfectly happy for it to take a while, but there's apparently one who needs a home now, and I couldn't really resist.

I’ve had a wobble. I so understand your sorrow over loss of Cat but re-reading has had me in floods of tears (apologies for spelling, but can’t see because crying though contact lenses).

I miss BastardCat so much. However, am grateful that we buried him in our garden.

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me but OP’s post got me howling!

Sorry OP!! But will hit you whenever xx

BastardCat when he was jjust a *LittleShit^

We miss him so much - I’ve gone doolally and can’t stop - hence bad spelling!

I still miss my original three cats

Never had a cat but took me years to get over my dog. I dreamed about him for well over a decade! Nice dreams though but I'd wake up feeling bereft.
The intensity of your grief will wane though.
Sorry for your loss.

3 years yesterday since Maia died.

I'm sure some people only require a cup of tea. Personally my cats are like my children. (I can't have children before anyone starts in the cats aren't children rant, I know this but it's the closest I will ever come) I would be totally devastated if something happened to either of them

It takes time. My lovely rescue boy was about 16 when we got him. He had a stroke and had to be put to sleep. I cried for weeks. We planted a rose and scattered his ashes there. That was about three years ago. I still miss him.

@Snailhaterz good news re Kitten! My local rescue doesn’t have any which is actually heartening; proof that capture and neuter of feral colonies is working and cat owners are being more responsible. However, we still want to adopt a Kitten!

Grieving not helped by Facebook memories 😢
Our boy we lost in March was definitely an outdoor cat (that's one of the positive things about him going - he went doing things he loved) and we struggled keeping him in. My fb memory today was him 3 years ago with cone of shame and a manky abcess on his paw desperately fighting to get out the cat flap even after I barricaded it 😂😂😩😩😢😢 it's made me 😢 and 😂 in equal measures

It's a heart breaker isn't it but it's OK to feel upset - I'd really say it's more than OK - it's good to go through it IMHO - you have to - I don't think there's a shortcut - just let the feelings come, go with it - it's the only good way I think - no amount of cold-hearted logic is going to help IMHO.

Like (@Rinkytinkpanther) I adopted a 15.5 year old cat who had been looked after by a local charity for 7 months not a single person had been to enquire about him. I only had him for 3 years - he died quietly and completely unexpected in his sleep one night. I'd had 2 other cats before that - one was a few months short of 20 and I actually had another adopted cat adopted when I got him. Although he was only with me for 3 years he meant just as much if not more, than any cat I'd ever had - he was very clearly a man's cat who followed me around all the time - so much so that my wife was tongue-in-cheek jealous of our bromance. He died in Feb 2018 - he was a huge Norwegian Forest cat. I decided to bury him in the garden - he meant a lot more to me than to my wife. I had him stretched out in a washing basket after he died - I should have curled him up - as a consequence, I had to dig a huge long hole - it took me over 3 hours to dig between 2 trees. I listened to Keith Jarret's The melody At Night, With You album on my mp3 player and cried - it was a beautiful morning and while I was digging it started snowing very lightly but the sun was still out - the whole experience was quite a magical one - it helped a lot. I can recommend the music. I felt better for letting myself feel sad and for letting my feelings out - the crying was cleansing.

I missed him so much that first year that my wonderful neighbour offered me one of her dogs - I'd never had a dog before - we had her for a day and then a few more days and we did end up adopting her and she's a lovely dog but cat's are still very special to me - totally different experience. I still want another cat but as my wife retires next March and wants to travel around the UK in a campervan a cat may not fit in with that plan very well.

My big cat used to jangle the keys in the back door to let me know he wanted to go out. After he died I heard the keys jangle in the lock - I was really surprised to find that my other, much smaller cat had done something he never did when my big cat was here - he only did it a few times after than and then stopped.

I think one of the great things about having a cat is that you learn to open your heart and allow yourself to really feel your emotions. That cat will never leave my thoughts. Burying him turned out to be quite an important step for me - it gave me a happy ending - I feel like I did the right thing. It's over 3 years ago now and I miss having him but don't feel sad - it was at least a year I'd say when I just felt it was so unfair that a happy healthy cat had died completely unexpectedly. When my little cat died it was a long drawn out process and a vet friend very kindly put him to sleep - it made me appreciate that dying unexpectedly, though hard in some respects, was probably the better way to go from my point of view. I don't mind feeling sad about missing my cat - it's his gift to me - it reminds me it's OK, good even, to let my feelings out - it felt good to bury him that beautiful, memorable day - I was lucky to have him. You will be fine - your cat will leave a gift for you - you will find it.

I miss Old Lady Cat who went in the spring. We still talk about Silky Cat's sister who was gone far too soon.

Generally we have a policy of one in one out and Old lady Cat was being replaced within days. I know some people don't feel ready but for me, I can't wait and only arrival of the next cat helps.

My neighbour is the same over dogs and purposely always has a young dog and an old dog so she is never dog free.

It's a year today since we lost my lovely boy cat Joey. He was killed by a car outside our house. His death was the hardest thing I've ever experienced, harder than the death of my dad or being diagnosed and living with a life changing illness. At times I felt I would go mad with grief and was prescribed diazepam to help with the anxiety and panic attacks. The only way I could- and do - cope is by convincing myself we will be together again one day. I'm a bloody atheist ffs but now I hope fervently that the rainbow bridge is real.

I'm sitting here crying after reading your posts about your lovely cats and remembering mine. I still think of him every day, I still look for him and am brought up short by a black jumper thrown on the bed or any sound that's like his claws tapping on the floor. I can't have another cat, I would worry so much about it going by the road and I don't think I could cope with a sudden loss like that again, I think I might actually go mad.

His death exaggerated the existential dread that I've had mildly for a long time. I suddenly properly realised that anyone could die at any time, any of my loved ones, and we don't know what happens after death or if we'll ever see them again.

The poster who said it's good to have two cats is spot on, I wish we had done that.

I'm ok now, I'm happy most of the time, I do enjoy life and definitely treasure the good things in it more, my family and my garden, but there's a cat-shaped hole in my heart forever now.

Sorry to all of you who've lost good boys and girls