Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Anxious cat - help?

29 replies

KatyMac · 06/07/2021 18:39

OK we are the third owners (I think) and she was born Dec 2019 Sad we have had her since midMarch

We have extra strong feliway & she is predominantly an indoor cat - a catio is a possibility

She isn't very happy; she stalks and attacks our feet, she over eats, she is very bite-y - we just had to change her food which made things worse

She isn't play fighting really although she does occasionally - it seems real more of the time

She just gives off stress vibes - I was concerned and a friend visited who said I was being ridiculous and by the time she left the friend agreed she was stressed

Any suggestion of techniques to make her feel happier

OP posts:
Allergictoironing · 06/07/2021 18:58

Have you tried Zylkene? Comes in capsules, but you can open the capsule & scatter the powder over the food - my pair LOVE it! Works with some cats but not all, as a destresser. I first tried it at the first bonfire night after mine came home, they were still a bit nervy then (ex ferals) but the Zylkene definitely seemed to work.

Beamur · 06/07/2021 19:02

Poor puss (and you!)
Does she have places she can go and hide? Does there seem to be any particular trigger for her stress? Do you know anything about her previous situations?

SpindleWhorl · 06/07/2021 19:05

I can 2nd trying Zylkene! I buy it online.

Original poster
KatyMac · 06/07/2021 19:24

Triggers I'm not sure
you stroke her she loves it then she puts her mouth round your hand no biting - so you either stop and she bites or you carry on and she bites

She has a box on top of a wardrobe in the conservatory which is off the lounge/kitchen

I'll have a look at that med and see - but I just want her to be happy

OP posts:
Original poster
KatyMac · 06/07/2021 19:28

I know they tried to breed her

She def had kitten home, 1 home then 2 home, then she might have gone back to either 1 home or kitten home - not entirely sure

OP posts:
Beamur · 06/07/2021 20:01

I had a rescue many years ago that was very similar.
Very pretty, reasonably happy to be fussed but would then - without any apparent change - bite. Not super hard but enough to hurt.
To be honest, the thing that eventually changed was time. She eventually chilled out and liked me!

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/07/2021 20:13

I think I’d buy the zylkene, pets at home sell it.

She sounds like a 3 stroke and stop cat though. Does she play?.

Original poster
KatyMac · 06/07/2021 21:20

Yes time will be good but its making us scared of her despite us understanding why

We try not to instigate stroking it's her asking for it

We play, she plays but it often ends up aggressive and we wondered if not playing would mean less aggression

I dont know

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 06/07/2021 21:41

She’s definitely spayed?.

Beamur · 06/07/2021 21:59

I would avoid using your hands for any kind of play. Use wand toys or similar only.
I just didn't really stroke my cat probably for years! She liked our company and would happily be alongside us but just didn't really want to be touched. She had been poorly treated, had been taken to a PDSA to be put down as an unwanted pet. Only 10 months old. Had a kinked tail probably from being shut in a door and a healed injury on her nose. I used to tell people to stroke her at their own peril...

Beamur · 06/07/2021 22:02

I think with the stroking, as she's coming to you, she's seeking affection but quickly getting overwhelmed. As you're having troubles either way ending the fuss successfully - can you distract her with a treat? Then quickly move away?

Original poster
KatyMac · 06/07/2021 22:05

@Fluffycloudland77

She’s definitely spayed?.
Well I sent her to the vets and she came back with an incision so fingers crossed Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
KatyMac · 06/07/2021 22:07

She adores dreamless and can get them out of the cupboard!

So maybe interact with a toy or stroke with a brush and reward when there is no biting

I do thinks it's that she gets overwhelmed or anxious

OP posts:
ViperAtTheGatesOfDawn · 06/07/2021 22:17

I have a bitey cat, she's not stressed, she's a ridiculously relaxed and snuggly cat, she just likes biting. In the early days I did a lot of hand feeding to get her used to hands. She has a lot of toys for biting and carrying. Wand/rod type toys just make her worse, they over stimulate and she ignores them to go for hands. She likes puzzles, so hiding things and puzzle toys are good. I have always said 'no biting' when she does it, and now (8 months on) I can sometimes prevent a bite by saying it. I accept she will almost certainly always be bitey, but it's easier to predict and less frequent now.

Beamur · 06/07/2021 22:46

My bitey cat was never very toy motivated. Current cats love a catnip mouse.
I think some cats do a bite when happy, but it's more like resting their teeth on you. I think if it hurts it's not to be encouraged.

Beamur · 06/07/2021 22:53

Puzzle toys are a good idea, I sometimes make a sort of maze with tunnels and boxes and hide a few Dreamies in there.

hedgiehedgehog · 06/07/2021 23:08

You can get calming cat jackets which help some cats with anxiety. I would think one of those would be worth a try.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 07/07/2021 12:18

Have just ordered zylkene for my fella. He is a very anxious cat. Have him since February (around 12mths and semi feral or feral not sure) and have never petted him. He doesn't want it. If anyone knocks on the door or comes into the house he hides. He won't come near the place if he is outside and I have visitors.

He loves to play and has no problem being in the same room as me, but will run away if he deems me getting too close. Hoping the zylkene will help him. He is adorable and I hate that he is so afraid.

Allergictoironing · 07/07/2021 15:05

NowYouListen took me 6 months to pet Girlcat, and even longer with Boycat. It's taken years, but they both demand cuddles & strokes now, and I was nearly late for work today because Boycat & I fell asleep snuggling on my bed this morning.

The Zylkene may take a few days to kick in. You're unlikely to see a dramatic change, just a general state of a bit less anxious.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 07/07/2021 20:58

I don't mind if he doesn't want cuddles or petting, just once he is a little less anxious around me that's good.

Found out today that he has a pal a few doors up. He calls over to play. They thought he was a stray and had a spare collar they were going to try and put on him. I laughed. Happy that he has a friend.

Original poster
KatyMac · 07/07/2021 23:06

Yes it's not cuddles or stroking it's the fear on her face and the flinching

I'm used to cats who own the house rather than one who hides in it and I feel so bad for her

OP posts:
caringcarer · 08/07/2021 00:53

If the cat flinches when seeing a hand I dread to think the cat has been mistreated badly before coming to you. Be patient, cats like to do things on their own time. They like to be in charge. If the cat thinks you are in control of stroking it makes it anxious. Let cat come to you. Offer a few dreamie treats and a quick stroke of head whilst cat is distracted eating treats. Then move hand away. Over time cat will learn to trust you won't hurt it.

Beamur · 08/07/2021 07:54

I think the tactics above are worth a try. Keep fuss very brief and reinforce with a distracting Dreamie. Try and move away before she puts her mouth on your hand.
I would imagine the fact that she's seeking your attention is good but she is scared.
I think your kitty has had a traumatic start to life and will take a little time to get over that.

NowYouListenToMeFella · 08/07/2021 09:26

It just makes me sad to think what his life was like before. He definitely has improved since I got him. I'm just leaving him to take things at his own pace. Kitty kisses are enough for me.

Hopefully the zylkene will help with his feet of anyone else knocking at the door or coming into the house.

Original poster
KatyMac · 08/07/2021 10:34

I know she is a pretty little thing and I feel so bad we are not helping her more

I will get some in the next day or so

OP posts: