I just have to accept it now, don't I ?

[Clarich007]

We rescued a homeless street cat 5 years ago.It was an emergency as he was living on a dangerous dual carriageway.
My previous cat had died 6 weeks previously, of kidney failure and I was still really upset about her.So because of this I don't think I was ready to have a new cat but like I say it was an emergency.
From the first day we had problems.He hid, was aggressive bit and scratched me, which affected any bonding we might have had.
Long story short, for 2 years we had nothing but problems with illness and aggression.This poor cat tested positive for Calici virus, was possibly part feral, had numerous painful tail abscesses and gingivitis.This turned to awful stomatitis, and resulted in him having all his teeth out.Didn't work so as a last resort our vet suggested Interferon treatment.It cost us £1.000 but we were responsible for him after such an awful start.Miraculousky it workedhis gums are now healthy and he regained his health.He's a big strong cat .We had him neutered and chipped and spent a small fortune.
I'm so sorry it's a long story.Fast forward 5 years, he's about 7 years old, and he constantly leaves home for days sometimes weeks.He's been gone 9 days now, but luckily is only about half a mile away and has been seen numerous times and reported on Facebook and Whatsapp groups. We constantly bring him home, he has 2 days eating and sleeping, then he's off again.
I feel so sad that he would rather live outside and scrounge food from strangers rather than be at home with us.
Have we done anything wrong.Did we make a mistake rescuing him and do we just give up and let him be? I should add that he's now wary of us and won't come near us now when we go to bring him home.Do i just give up .Thank you so much for reading this novel !

Sorry for all the typos

Bloody cats! They are ungrateful
sh!ts

Sounds like you've given him a great start in life which is lovely of you, but cats truely are their own ...

When he's in your home, have you tried Feliway? Just a thought... it might help him settle

@Clarich007 I'm sorry because this isn't answering your question! But I'm at my wits' end with a cat flu cat and wondered what type of interferon yours had? I'm administering it by mouth as a low dose, but it's having no effect.

So sorry he's been such an unrewarding cat after the long health journey you've had with him.

Hi Oldspeckled.Thanks for your comment.
Yes we have had Feliway from day 1.

Hi Stakanovite.
I'm sorry, not sure whatvtupe of Interferon, but we had to take him back to vets every 48 hours to have injections directly into his gum sockets...ouch..bless him.
I think he had 5 or 6 sessions.The theory behind it is that it stimulates their immune system to overcome the virus.It worked like a dream for him.The vet was a bit doubtful though.

Tbh I wouldn't bother bringing him back anymore the only problem being that if he's chipped you'll be responsible for the bills if he's injured etc.

You've done amazingly he's obviously not suited to an indoor life, some of them just aren't. It's horrible that you've spent all that time and money on him for no payoff.

Would you consider getting another from cats protection/rspca who is more of a homebody?

Thanks very much. In my cat's case it's the tongue ulceration that's just not clearing up. A few tooth extractions do seem to have helped his gums.

Bless you. You've tried your hardest to give him a better life and I'm sure he loves you for it. Some cats are happy wondering and it's not easy to stop them. Does he ever come back to you on his own or do you always have to search for him to bring him home? It'd be a shame to just let him get on with it, never to return. Would he object if you kept him inside for more than a couple of days, following one of his jaunts, to give him more time to acclimatise? Are you OK to continue searching for him each time? I'm wondering if he's got several homes? Do you ever bribe him with treats, to help him learn to trust you again? Cats are contrary old things.

I foster for a cat charity and sometimes the feral in them is just too strong for them to overcome. He doesn't sound happy living in close proximity to humans so if he has shelter and regular food where he is now I'd be inclined to leave him where he is. Can you go everyday and feed him? Then you'll be able to keep an eye on him and he will be living a
life he's more comfortable with.

Thank you all so much for the comments.I absolutely don't mind being responsible for any ver's bills he might incur.He's our cat but we're not his humans 😃.
I think it's just his personality and probably previous experiences on the streets.
I've had cats for 40 odd years and have never come across a cat like him They have all been rescues from cat shelters so their personality was known before we adopted.
My husband is very much on the side of allowing him to come and go as he pleases.It does stress the cat out a lot when we bring him home, but at the same time i feel as if we are neglecting him by not being on his tail 24 hours a day.He always comes home eventually but only to eat and gather his strength for his next walkabout.Longestvtime away was 16 days.

You need to up your cupboard contents op..
Salmon.
Tuna..
Prawns.
He can eat like a lord when he crosses your threshold!!

Haha Aprilwas wet.
You would not believe our cat food cupbpard.It's filled with the best of everything.I get him grain free and Encore all the expensive stuff us fresh roast beef, chicken and fish.

I would let him come and go as he pleases. Leave a safe place available for him to come back to and feed him when he comes and then just let him live his life.

My 3 legged dcat had at least 3 homes.
When he went missing it wasn't me who put posters up!! Little buggar!
He must feel pretty confident just showing up in his own sweet time!

Thanks Kenji
That's really helpful, it takes away a bit of the guilt I'm feeling and helps me understand more about it.I want him to be happy and if that's away from us then so be it.
Strange thing is that the only rime i can really touch him is first thing in the morning he comes for a fuss.I can do anything with him for 5 mins.After that its don't touch and he ignores us, so somewhere inside he can be affectionate.

Thanks smartiepants.That sounds great.I'm probably overthinking it.He's got shelter too so is ok that way.

April that made me laugh about the posters.I'm going to relax about it i think and let him get on with his life.

I lost a dcat for 6 months. I found her and she had been very very local... She spent the next few years home /away. Living rough though not being fed... She was a lovely tortie... Dcats really do choose their own path. Ime..

You could try building him a wooden shelter outside in the garden with some straw in and see if he takes more to that.

Some cats are thankful of a warm and comfy house after years of living rough and some just don't take to it at all. It definately isn't your fault in any way OP.

Would you consider another who is more of a homebody and then I think it wouldn't be so distressing when the other leaves iyswim.

He's more suited to being an outdoor farm mouser really.

If he's coming home on a regular basis to eat then he's made his choice that he's happier out and about. There's no point in keeping him locked up if he's going to be miserable. He knows where his home is so enjoy his short visits and maybe as he gets older he might decide he prefers home comforts to gallivanting on the streets. Take comfort in the fact that you've done everything you can to encourage him to stick around but at the end of the day the decision is his. Damn cats and their fierce independence!

Thank you so much everyone for being so kind and supportive It has helped enormously !
13 days now and still not back.We went searching again yesterday but he didn't come home.We kept him in for 5 weeks when we first had him and he seemed ok but was ill and recovering at the time.Now it's almost impossible to try to keep him in He becomes destructive and nasty, growls and lashes out.
I feel a failure though as I have always felt really confident with my other cats..6 over 40 years.That was easy.This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I don't really want to just give up on him, and regularly deliver cat food and flowers !! to the very kind friend who looks after him when he does turn up.By an amazing coincidence, he nipped through a random cat flap half a mile away, and it just happened to be my friend !!
Thanks again.We haven't had a holiday in 3 years as we can't book as he may turn up while we are gone.

Very true Kenji, it's his decision he's about 7 years old now so he knows his own mind.
I'm in two minds about having another cat.I always thought I wuld have a cat all my life but this one has changed that

You are clearly a lovely person, OP, but just book the holiday, assuming your friend is around to feed the cat if required. He is clearly well able to look after himself.

Next time you get a cat you can go to a rescue and find one with a more affectionate character. You have not failed here, you are enabling your cat to live life as he likes best.

Sorry stakhanovite.I missed your last question.Your poor cat with tongue ulcerations.That must be awful.What does the vet think ? Cat flu truly is horrendous and can have long term consequences.
Our vet said that our cat probably had untreated cat flu as a kitten on the streets and tested positive for calicivirus., which still bothers him today.I hope your cat can be helped.
Neutering saves so much time and heartache I wish more people would do it.