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How do I know when to make the final decision?

3 replies

ManNorBeast · 17/05/2021 14:35

Last week I took my 17 year old cat to the vet as she hadn't used her litter tray, wouldn't eat and seemed generally unwell. The vet said she had a temperature of over 40 deg and close examination showed a mammary tumour that had ulcerated to the outside but was hidden by her fur. He said that the only cure for the ulcer was to operate and remove the tumour if we could get her temperature under control. He emphasised that removal of the tumour would only be done to remove the ulcer to stop it from getting re-infected, and if it hadn't ulcerated he wouldn't attempt to remove the tumour as it was already very large so had likely already started to spread.

Today I took her back as there is an odd smell, which I feared was coming from the ulcer. The vet (a different one from our last visit) said that although her temperature is down, so the antibiotics are working, the smell is from the ulcerated tumour. She did another examination and said that she could now feel that the tumour was a long column under her nipples and reaching up into her hip. This makes it almost inevitable that it is in her lungs. If they operate to remove the ulcerated part, we will likely only gain a few weeks at most, maybe only days, and we will be putting her through the pain and stress of an operation. So we've bought her home to say goodbye, feed her as much of her favourite tuna as she wants and then we will take her back before she gets into really painful territory. The vet says she will be experiencing some pain at the moment, so it won't be long. She looks so healthy and shiny-eyed that it seems grotesque to be even thinking like this, but it's cruel to wait until the pain is bad enough for her to stop being able to hide it (which is what cats do I know).

I'm sorry to be so long-winded, but I needed to write it all out. My actual question is how do I decide when to take her back? I'm desperate to have her for as long as I can, but my need to keep her with me cannot take precedence over her comfort and quality of life. I would never forgive myself if I got up one morning to find her in agony, but I don't want to rob her of one minute of comfort and love while she can still enjoy it.

I know only I can make the decision, but I'd be so grateful for any viewpoints from anyone who has been through this.....and if you have I am truly sorry, I wouldnt wish this misery on anyone.

OP posts:
LikeAnOldFriend · 17/05/2021 16:52

I’m so very sorry to read your post. It’s such a difficult decision to have to make, and I know it’s very easy to be so anxious about when is best to make it but, to an extent at least, I think the right time can be quite good at presenting itself, it usually has been in my experience with pets in the past even though it’s so daunting having that responsibility on your shoulders. It’s wonderful that you feel she’s bright eyed and happy just now, and I would just enjoy every minute of that time. Remember you know her best and I’m sure you will be able to tell when things start to cross over into a less comfortable time for her. Hugs to you and hope you get to enjoy some special time x

Chemenger · 17/05/2021 16:57

There is a saying "better one day too early than one day too late" and from personal experience of both, it is true. It is much worse to think that you could have saved your pet from suffering for even the shortest time than to think that you have missed out on a day or two of time together. Cats are expert at hiding pain until things are very bad.
Its an awful decision to make, I really feel for you, but this is your chance to make things as gentle for her as possible.

ViperAtTheGatesOfDawn · 17/05/2021 17:07

It's really awful isn't it? Flowers

I've heard 'better a week early than a day late' and I had this very much in mind when I had to make the decision for my 18+ yo boy cat last year. It was devastating, but he'd reached a point where some normal things were distressing for him, it just suddenly became obvious and I couldn't not do it. It is the kindest thing Flowers

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