Things I wished I'd known before adopting a cat..

[Sparkles29]

Don't invest in a cat bed-they don't even look at it - they choose to sleep in weird places instead
Don't panic when they hide on the 2nd day, they are in your house somewhere
They will return when you let them outside for the 1st time-even tho it feels like letting your toddler play in the road
They totally ignore you on a regular basis, hard to get used to when you've previously had a dog!
They miaow for food then take one bite & walk off
Long haired varieties often turn into a slug bus each morning
They sleep on their back which is so cute and funny-all is forgiven

That your bed is actually the cats bed that you are allowed to inhabit. And rolling over in the middle of the night to find the cats in the bed can freak you out. Because you'll think that your dh has just grown fur.

If you leave the toilet lids up, the furry twats WILL drink from the toilet

If you've got a mog on your lap and you are also on an important phonecall (to my son's headteacher as it happens) they will purr so loudly the person on the other end of the phone will ask if you are OK

Don't buy food in bulk. One bite and they'll decide that its clearly unacceptable meaning its bonanza time for both the local cats home and your debit card.

But when you're having a bad day for whatever reason or are feeling unwell then you can guarantee the cats will know. They'll stay right by your side offering you soft purrs until you are feeling better.

Tail language

• shaky tail = excitement
• curled tip = question mark
• end flick = I heard you the first time and know what you want me to do but if you think I am going to do that this time, you can have another think coming.

You will never have a zoom call alone again. DCat has a whole planet where she could choose to sit, but needs to be in front of the camera (fair enough, I'd sit where other people coo and tell me I'm beautiful). If there's a shut door preventing this, the racket created would make a passerby think there was a murder going on.

In our house, having one of the cats on your lap means you are completely and legitimately exempt from having to get up to do anything.

Someone at the door? Can you get it? I've got a cat on me.

One of the kids needs a drink? Can you sort it? I've got a cat on me.

Oven's beeping because dinner is ready? Can you dish up? I've got a cat on me.

Someone's accidentally chopped their finger off with the big knife and it's lying on the kitchen floor? Can you pick it up? I've got a cat on me.

You will have cupboards full of a certain flavour food which is all they will eat, and then they decide that that food is actually poison after you've bulk bought a load.

It is an absolute requirement to poo in the just cleaned litter tray, then do a wee when it's been cleaned again.
Mouse gall bladders are perfect doorstep adornments.
You will spend wasted hours at an open door while they decide if they want to be in or out.
Worming tablets should come with oblgatory gauntlets.
Your three legged lame cat will make a miraculous recovery in the vets, and parade around to make you look a fool.
A neighbour with a cherry picker can be useful when cat is tramlining along the apex of your roof.
You may find yourself distraught at your cat going missing, while the aforementioned cat is bouncing and yowling in delight up and down the neighbours apple tree.
You will develop several contingency plans to catch cat to go in a carrier. It may involve elastoplast and a first aid kit.
You will realise that cats are just wonderful, and that head bump/nose rub from your first tamed feral is worth anything.

When your cat starts making a terrifying rasping sound, do not pick them up. You’ll get a hair ball vomited over you.

They will sing you the song of their people very loudly at 3am then have zoomies

That you will get one, then you will get two and then you will realise you need three.

They have a radar for fleeces, throws and blankets and will requisition them. You will not be allowed to use them for yourself again. You will be allowed to wash them but they must be returned.

They have selective processing disorder. Long, complicated sentences like “are you coming up with mommy to snuggle?” Is understood. “Get off the bloody tv” will be met with a blank stare.

What on earth is a slug bus

Long haired cats collect baby slugs & bits of twig on their stomach and tail fur.

You have to get them off so they don’t look like an rspca video.

@Fluffycloudland77

Long haired cats collect baby slugs & bits of twig on their stomach and tail fur.

You have to get them off so they don’t look like an rspca video.

I get my long hair kitten in 6 weeks - I am horrified 😂😂

Wide tooth metal comb gets a lot out, slugs can carry parasites that would harm them.

They get poo caught up too on their back legs.

My lot ignored the lovely cat beds I bought until I took pics of said pristine beds to sell on gum tree. Slept on them ever since…
Scratching posts are pointless if you process furniture.
Toys are pointless in general.
Getting to go to the toilet alone is a minor triumph.
Looking professional in zoom calls will get harder as one or other little darling will be acting up in the background - or indeed lying on your keyboard.
They will develop eight octopus-like legs when you try and put them in a pet carrier…
You will however love them to pieces despite all this!

@Purplecatshopaholic worse still when said cat is in front of the laptop and you’re absentmindedly stroking them not realising a close up of their bum is all you can see on the camera while on zoom…

On the other hand, dull Zoom meetings are much more bearable if you can snuggle your cat at the same time. Just make sure you're on mute before you whisper "who's my precious furry darling then?"

@JeanClaudeVanDammit so sorry you lost your cat

(fair enough, I'd sit where other people coo and tell me I'm beautiful)

Can you imagine how high our self esteem would be if we were spoken to like we talk to our cats.

@Yesididmeantobesorude

Oh yes! In our house “I have a cat on lap problem” is a get out clause for absolutely anything!

@JeanClaudeVanDammit I'm so sorry about your lovely cat. It's devastating when you loose one. Sending you bit catty, fluffy hugs.

The best way to get a nervous rescue cat to come and sit on your lap, climb on your shoulder, want a cuddle etc is to wear something that is at least 2 of the following; clean /delicate/ expensive/ a fabric that collects cat hair/ a pale colour. (If you are already late for work or important occasion it needs only be 1 of the above!)

Thank you @RainyDay2020 @MinkyWinky this is a lovely thread to read as it’s reminding me of all his funny little habits!

Even though I am now officially “human slave” to our cat he always has a knack of knowing exactly when his calming presence is needed.
If my son has had a hard day at school, is poorly or just overwhelmed (he has autism), cat will magically appear and sit on my son and give him head bumps until he’s happier. 🥰