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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Cat loss

19 replies

53rds · 05/04/2021 09:49

Our beautiful one year old cat was hit by a car early yesterday morning and died instantly. The bastard was speeding and drove off leaving us to find him in the road.

I am struggling to cope with the loss and I’m not sure non- cat people get it. I’ve barely stopped crying. He was like my baby and the routine of feeding him and caring for him brought so much; he had such a big personality. I feel robbed of a future with him. We are embarking on IVF soon and I was reassured thinking he would be there with us and would hopefully be part of our children’s lives. I feel like I have nothing anymore.

I have had cats growing up but they all lived to a ripe old age and died of short illnesses. While I was sad - it was nothing like as gutting as this.

Does anyone have any tips for coping with losing a cat so traumatically?

OP posts:

Toddlerteaplease · 05/04/2021 10:06

No tips other than be kind to yourself. It's absolutely fine to be so upset. They are a huge part of our lives. So sorry about your cat.

Want2beme · 05/04/2021 11:04

It's very upsetting. I think so many of us have experienced the loss of a DCat in this way. It happened to my young cat, and the driver didn't stop. It also happened to my other older cat, and again the driver didn't stop. Fortunately, I heard it happen. I ran outside and found the lovely little paper boy trying to coax him out from under another car. I'll never forget his kindness. I rushed him to a vet and he survived.

Let yourself grieve and talk to other animal lovers, as they'll understand exactly how you're feeling. Keep talking to us as well. Imagining that he was going to be a big part of your future and knowing that he won't be, is devastating for you. It takes time to adjust to the loss, but it will get better, I promise

Original poster

53rds · 05/04/2021 11:35

It’s just hard because we loved and cherished him so much and yet someone could just leave him in the road like he was nothing.

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Original poster

53rds · 05/04/2021 11:36

I lost my dad to cancer in my early twenties and I think this grief is hitting me almost as hard. I know that would sound awful to most people.

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claireb7rg · 05/04/2021 17:32

So sorry lovely, we had similar nearly 3 weeks ago.

I'm still.not over it at all, but our other cat is a help and yesterday we went to look at a kitten (who could be the body double for our departed cat).

I still keep crying when I think of him 😢 sorry I'm probably no help what so ever

Look after yourself, it's a big loss

Original poster

53rds · 05/04/2021 17:49

@claireb7rg

So sorry lovely, we had similar nearly 3 weeks ago.

I'm still.not over it at all, but our other cat is a help and yesterday we went to look at a kitten (who could be the body double for our departed cat).

I still keep crying when I think of him 😢 sorry I'm probably no help what so ever

Look after yourself, it's a big loss

Thank you for sharing, I am sorry for your loss. We don’t have any other pets so the house feels empty. DH has suggested in time looking at getting a rescue cat or two but it needs to feel right.

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claireb7rg · 05/04/2021 19:15

We didn't think it was the right time but something just clicked 2 days ago and when we saw this little tiny scrap of a kitten that the was body double it felt right.

The kitten is on the left, our lovely boy is on the right

claireb7rg · 05/04/2021 19:17

To add he was the vocal one in the house, our other boy is only vocal when it's food time, so it's been very quiet here 😢

TroysMammy · 05/04/2021 19:21

I'm so sorry it's an awful heartbreaking thing to happen. I'm always sad at the end of November when I pass the spot near home where Barnaby was killed in 2003.

Some insurance companies have a bereavement service. I haven't used one but it may be a comfort.

Original poster

53rds · 05/04/2021 19:37

@claireb7rg

We didn't think it was the right time but something just clicked 2 days ago and when we saw this little tiny scrap of a kitten that the was body double it felt right.

The kitten is on the left, our lovely boy is on the right

He is beautiful- I am so glad you have found him and it has clicked for you xx

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Fluffycloudland77 · 05/04/2021 20:29

I get it. Lots of us on here have gone through this & you do learn to live with it but it takes an awfully long time.

They give a lot back for such small creatures.

hartof · 06/04/2021 21:59

I'm so sorry. Out boy was killed the same way almost 2 weeks ago and we were so devastated. I'm still having a few tears here and there but it has got much easier.

CheeseAndHackers · 06/04/2021 22:16

I have DC's and my cat is pretty much my 5th child, I love her that much, so I completely understand your devastation. Don't let anyone underestimate your grief for him and your loss. We also took in a stray a few years ago who died 4 months later of FIV (we think he'd been abandoned when he became ill and he chose us as his new family). We were devastated when he died, for the happy years ahead we had imagined and really wanted to give him into old age. I found it helped to have him cremated and we have his ashes in a beautiful engraved box with a candle either side and his photo next to it. He'll always be with us, but more so in our hearts. Your darling boy was family to you. I really am so sorry.

Original poster

53rds · 07/04/2021 08:07

Thank you for all your kind messages. I am sorry so many of you have lost cats in this horrible way.

We have made the difficult phone call to the vets to arrange cremation. Just a few weeks ago we planted a magnolia tree in the garden with our lovely cat ‘helping’ the whole time. We have decided we will scatter his ashes under the tree. As painful as it is the thought is giving us some peace.

I thought you might like to see a picture of our little one.

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Original poster

53rds · 07/04/2021 08:16

Also, I am debating whether to send a message to the lady we got him from as a kitten to let her know what happened. We have kept in touch sporadically by text and she always loved seeing pictures etc. She’s definitely a real cat lover. Part of me thinks it would be kinder to let her believe he’s having a happy life with us but I also think I would want to know. What do you all think?

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claireb7rg · 07/04/2021 08:47

Gorgeous boy 😢 hopefully all our lost kitties are having fun together at the 🌈 bridge

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/04/2021 09:25

He’s a beautiful boy. It’s up to you if you tell her or not.

I’m catproofing our garden before we get another, the way people drive now is awful they don’t take it in account at all that something might run out. A cat was lost on our estate at the weekend.

hartof · 07/04/2021 20:33

He's beautiful. We planted a magnolia tree at weekend and will be putting his ashes there I got a little stone engraved to remember him. And the garden centre had a little tuxedo cat ornament curled up sleeping and he was a tuxedo so it's perfect. When you're feeling upto it see if there's anything around to help you remember him.

SappysCurry · 07/04/2021 20:38

I am so so sorry, bloody cars driving too fast, You must be so heartbroken - don’t have words really and I usually don’t click these posts as I find them so sad. Try to remember the good times with your lovely boy 🌺

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