Feeling guilty for failing PTS on time

[caraway33]

My kitty died 2 days ago. She was about 10.5years. I can’t get over the fact that i didn’t do enough to protect her from suffering.
She suffered for 20 hours and died in colvulsions. It wasn’t my choice. I did want to pts but i live in Japan and only after all this nightmare found out that failed to take into account possibility of cultural differences towards pts and pet care. Turns out that jp vets don’t recomend pts nor provide direct advice and opinion about the state of health and even more so, pts. In fact they are more likely to offer treatment even if a pet in grave condition- obviously grave or yet concealed. I did ask about possibility to pts and opinion on it but the requests got rebuffed in confusing manner.

She had a heart failure which was managed for 2.5years then suddenly deteriorated within 5 days. It was awful. The only comfort she may have found is that it happened at home with us.

Wondering if anyone left it too late by mistake, not knowing or not being able to get help. How did you deal with it? Is it the worst what an animal owner (responsible and loving) can do, not to pts?

Oh poor you and poor cat (hug)

It sounds like you did your absolute best, loved her dearly and wanted the best for her. I know she suffered but for nowhere near as long as many pets do – in many places you wouldn't even be able to to get to a vet within that amount of time. Some pets die in accidents or have other painful illnesses that go on longer – you can't 100% avoid them suffering, and she was with you being loved and cared for, and I'm sure that meant a lot to her. And you gave her over 10 years of loving care before that. I don't think you have anything to blame yourself for. Look after yourself and let yourself grieve without feeling bad.

Thank you for kind words @WindyPudding. I keep thinking over those five days- what followed what, last moments should have given more time to. Yes, i did what it felt right at the time and only with hindsight could have done better...still. Every movement she made while trying to manage discomfort and pain looked like the last yet it lasted for hours. I failed to make it kinder, shorter.

I am so sorry for you. It is always difficult to know what to do,and in the end as with all things you have to rely on instinct and good advice and sometimes one or both let you down. I was an experienced cat owner and that I waited too long with one of mine, I only realised when I looked at the “last photos”.

All I can say is that it is a steep learning curve, you will find you will never let it happen again. Remember that you gave your girl many years of love and care. Not all cats are lucky enough to get that.

“And I know that I waited”

I made a donation to a local cat rescue place in my boys memory, it didn’t help him of course, or me much to be honest, but I hope it helped some unknown cat or cats.

Thank you @viques. It’s a good idea to donate in the memory of the cat, to help other ones.