How Do We Explain to 6yr Old That DCat Won't Come Home From The Vet?

[bushtailadventures]

We've made the heartbreaking decision that it is time for 18yr old dcat to be PTS. She's gone downhill rapidly over the last couple of weeks and there is nothing else that can be done for her. She always hated children, but adores dgd(6) and they have been close since she was a baby. Dgd is convinced the vet can make her better again, and we've tried explaining but I don't think we've done a very good job. Ideas welcome, she's going to be so upset tomorrow.

I think she is old enough to know that animals die. Explain to her that dear cat is very poorly, and that although the vet has given her some very good medicine it has not been strong enough to make dear cat better and if the vet gives her more of the medicine it will make her feel more ill. Say dear cat is very tired and unhappy, it isn’t fair to make her have more medicine that isn’t going to make her better so you have decided that because you love dear cat a lot the best thing is for the vet to not give her any more medicine and that means she will die very gently so that she isn’t hurting any more.

I would try to avoid the word sleep, or put to sleep if you can.

If she asks how she will die ask her if she knows what a heart does, she probably knows that a heart makes blood go around the body to keep you alive, tell her that dear cats heart isn’t working properly to send her blood around her body, and if that happens then you die.

Be prepared for odd questions at random moments , six year old brains absorb information in strange ways. Also be prepared for seemingly odd and sometimes irrational remarks about death, again, all part of the absorption process.

So sorry to hear this btw, 18years is a lot of love and memories and can be overwhelming.

Goodbye mog deals with the death of a pet , my nephew was five when my parents'/his grandparents' dog died and it helped explain

Has your dgd seen anything dead before? Like a bee? It will help her if you've something to compare it to. We explained everything very clearly to our DD (used the word 'dead') when we had to pts our cat. She even helped bury her in the garden. She was sad but totally cool with it all.

Yes, as level75 says, use the word dead and make it clear that dead things don’t start living again.

Very sorry to hear about your cat OP.

I'll just put in another recommendation for 'Goodbye Mog'.

I'm sorry to hear about your cat 😔 I would be honest with your DGD and don't get too emotional as she will likely take her lead from you. Acknowledge her feelings (I always think the film 'Inside Out' gets it spot on, the way Sadness goes in and tells it like it really is, to let the grief out!). I agree about using the word 'dead' rather than some alternative like 'gone to sleep'.

Goodbye Mog is the most beautifully writing book. But omg. It's a real tear jerker.

I think you just have to explain how long it lived - a very long and happy life, but everyone has to die. But you can always talk about him and remember him. Then good if you can bury him together and she can decorate the grave.

And then get a kitten in a month?

My DS was with us when the very came to put our dog to.sleep. He, DS, was 2 at the time. He knew the dog was sick and that the vet was stopping the pain. He held the dogs paw and chose a toy to bury with the dog in the hole that Daddy dug in the garfen.
He is now 10 and we have had to do the same again (we get rescue dogs, they are not young to start with!). Same routine. He's is not traumatized and it had been a good way of discussing life, death, what comes next, that sadness is normal etc.

My DC were little (about 2.5 and 5 ) when our old cat was PTS at 17yo .

Again, I was careful not to say Put to Sleep because I didn't want them to think this would happen to them when they went to sleep.
And very careful with explanation of needles and the Vet "killing" her

They dug a hole , DS found a camoflague bag to bury her in.
They saw her when she was dead so they knew she was still the same cat .

My NDN said 'whatever you do make sure she isn't dug up . Worse than having the pet die is having them dug up and shredded by a fox'