Damaged Cats

[Faultymain5]

Hi
Firstly we had a cat for 18 years from kitten to death. We’re not newbies to cat behaviours. However, we decided to adopt two cats last year July. In 7 months these cats are still scared of us and run away from us if we come into a room. The small one is slightly more friendly but the bigger one tends to inform their behaviour so, hours after letting you stroke her and sniffing your hands, she becomes scared of you again. The only thing that has changed in 7 months is that they now sit in the hall rather than the toilet downstairs. But of course runs away as soon as you walk in that direction. We haven’t been able to get them to the vet yet because their so scared they won’t let us near them to put them in the basket.

We think they need some kind of therapy. Would it be wrong to ask for a bit more background to try to understand where they are coming from? All the shelter said was the owner’s father died and she. Couldn’t cope with the cats anymore, but seriously they are just terrified and seen traumatised to us.

I adopted terrified ex feral cats, I now have a pair of demanding cuddle monsters BUT it's taken me years to get this far.

Days before they emerged from behind the sofa when I was awake. 6 months before I managed to stroke the bolder one, a full year for the more nervous one. They still run and hide if other people come into the house, though Girlcat will observe them from round a corner.

It took patience, letting them come to me mostly. Talking gently to them, mostly ignoring them. And lots of treats!

As Monday is my day off, I have just crawled downstairs after a full hour snuggled up to Boycat on the bed with my hand buried in his tummy floof - worth every moment of my earlier doubts whether I had done the right thing taking on those terrified little kitties nearly 5 years ago.

While knowing their past might help you to understand their fears, it won't make any difference to dealing with it. Rescues have so many individuals going through their hands that they may not even know the full details of the cats history.
Your cats are obviously scared, but that can be overcome. They are probably best confined to a single room where you are for lots of time. If they are allowing you to stroke them then stop stroking before they back off, make sure you play with them with toys (A flying frenzy is good for this), have plenty of treats at the ready and don't force yourself on them. Seven months isn't that long in the scheme of things for frightened cats, I had one that spent eighteen months behind a sofa when people were in the room, but is now anormal cat, although frightened of strangers. As for the vet, I'm afraid you've just got to be brave and matter of fact, it might set them back, but needs must, and they will forgive you eventually! Try leaving a carrier out with cosy blankets and treats inside so it isn't such a scary thing for them too.

I adopted two ex breeding queens who were cruelty cases. It took a lot of patience and a could of years to bring them round. One of them took five years to sit on my knee. But it's so worth it. She's becoming a proper cat at the age of 10!

I agree it can take years to change cat ways, but they can improve for sure. Love bombing and all that.

Okay this is all good to know.

Will try it with the vet. Was hoping to get the vet to come round, but then thought forcing it would make the house unsafe for them, so backed off that idea. @Toddlerteaplease 5 years is a long time, their sitting in the hall and have a new tree basket thing that their going into at night, which seems fast in hindsight ( took them a few weeks to get the idea)..

Smallcat ventured onto the stairs a couple of weeks ago. But hasn’t gone back yet. Small steps.

Magic has now started being naughty! So I take that as a positive.

I doubt they're traumatised - more likely under socialised when young (feral kittens) It's quite possible for cats/kittens to be feral even if born in a house if they owners don't interact with them much. Surely the rescue told you they were very shy? You don't need any behaviourist for them really. Just time and patience. If they are food driven that's a plus - put treats on the floor and sit close-ish. Keep bringing them closer and eventually offer from your hand/on your knees (all while on the floor). That is the technique that works best for me.

Shy can really mean anything. Flinching at a toilet flushing, that flushes several times a day where they spend the most time seems beyond shy.

I think it’s just a question of patience. Cats go at their own pace. Eventually they will get more comfortable. I don’t think there is much you can do to speed things up.

@Chemenger

I think it’s just a question of patience. Cats go at their own pace. Eventually they will get more comfortable. I don’t think there is much you can do to speed things up.

I agree you’re right, I just don’t know if we’re doing anything to trigger them.

In my experience it goes like this:
Stage 1. - cats are invisible, only disappearing food and used litter trays prove that they are still in the house.
Stage 2 - fleeting glances of cats through open doors.
Stage 3 - cat able to remain visible for minutes if not approached, runs for their life if approached, doorbell rings or there is any activity in the house.
Stage 4 - will sit in doorway staring at you for prolonged periods, runs for their life if any movement.
Stage 5 - will enter occupied room, runs for life if anyone moves.
Stage 6 - will approach people for sly sniff
Stage 7 - can be touched
Stage 8 - will sit on knee if perfectly motionless and silent
Stage 9 - impossible to get them off your knee.

Who lives in your house? Are there any kids? If so, that's a bad combination and will be frightening them.

If it's just you and your partner, hopefully it'll just take some time.

Do they have free reign of the house when you are sleeping? That's a good time for them to come up and give you a good sniff and suss you out.

Do you have treats (Dreamies always go down very well!). Do you sit somewhere and read a book quietly and allow them to come to you etc?

It can take time but when they come around it is so worth it.

We have two older children. Which was explained to the shelter. Everyone leaves the cats to themselves for the most part, but speaks to them when their nearby.. smallcat will let you stroke her. We are at stage 5.

I probably need to stop calling the 18 year old a ‘child’.

My ten year old rescue is still shy of everyone except me and I’ve never been able to pick him up.

I used to pet him with a long handled wooden spoon(for jam) before he was able to tolerate a hand and I would sit for hours, very still, just reading while he stared at me. It was weeks before he’d approach me, even for food.

Caring for a traumatised cat, or one who wasn’t socialised young is very different from a normal kitten. Even at ten I pay close attention to his body language and make sure I stop before it gets too much for him.

I’m not sure there is much you can do beyond being calm and very, very patient. A rescue was a very poor choice for the stage our family was at and has made me much more cautious about adopting pets

Just read my post back.
The wooden spoon came a good bit after the sitting around reading. And he used to approach the spoon rather than me coming at him with it.

@thelegohooverer

Just read my post back. The wooden spoon came a good bit after the sitting around reading. And he used to approach the spoon rather than me coming at him with it.

You do realise I’m measuring up spoons😂.

Do you wear shoes in the house? A lot of timid cats hate that, particularly if you have wooden floors.

I used to slide about silently in my slippers to avoid frightening my timid cats.

I can't remember how long it took but they became so affectionate after a while.

The first time one of them actively sought out my company was when I was in the bath. She came in the bathroom, looking pretty wide eyed and ready to run, but lay down on my dressing gown and just lay there companionably until I got out the bath, at which point she ran away. But she then did it again the next time, and the next time....

Cats definitely feel less threatened be people who are in bed. Several of my foster cats have snuggled up in on the bed the dark long before they were brave enough to approach in the day.

@tuttifuckinfruity. No shoes, I’m hoping for one of your bathroom moments one day. They have free reign downstairs, but other than the first night when small cat was looking for somewhere to Hide in the bathroom, they don’t go up there.

One of mine is scared most of the time and close to all of the time. I've had her since she was 4 weeks old. I found her in the middle of the road in a shocking state. I took her straight to the vet
and went through a very long convalescence with her. The vet told me that she'd always be very nervous, and that she would he hard work her whole life. I did wonder how she could tell, but she was right. She had many visits to the vet, and she was so tiny, I used to take her in a little heat bag, as recommended by the vet. She's 8 years old now and she's still a scaredy cat. She flinches at noises, sudden moves, runs and hides when someone visits or knocks at the door, just everything. She's known as the upstairs cat, cos that's where she spends most of her life. I have to be so careful with her. I have got used to it and I wouldn't be without her, but it can be exhausting.