Cat or your partner ?

[Anonymousmumma]

I mentioned mid convo I wanted a cat for myself and my son. My partner moved in a month ago (everything is still in my name ) and he threatened to leave if I got a cat . He doesn’t have good memories of them when younger as their litter trays smell, ruin your furniture and clothes. I have an allergy so would be looking at hypoallergenic , my boy loves cats and would make us happy but is choosing a cat over a man a tad rediculous?

@FamilyOfAliens

You have posted this in the litter tray. People here are nuts about cats, and as you can see most have said give up your partner for a cat, but imo that's ridiculous.

And yet he’s threatened to leave the OP if she gets a cat and somehow that’s not ridiculous?

Such double standards.

It's not ridiculous. He's had bad experiences with cats, he doesn't like them and has told the OP if she gets one he will have to leave the house. Not her, just the house. Thats perfectly reasonable. People are allowed to have their boundaries. It's not "threatening".

I love my cats, but honestly if I’d just moved in with someone, thinking we were now living together, and then they made a unilateral decision to get a pet I didn’t like, I’d move out too.

I don’t even live with my DP but we had plans to move in together once the DC were older (they’re all teens now).

His kids tried to pressure him into getting a dog (he didn’t want one, but I could see him being swayed by wanting to please them) I told him that if he did make a 15-20 year commitment to a pet that neither he nor I would want, that I wouldn’t be living with him in future. I don’t want to live with someone else’s badly trained slobber machine. I’m not a dog person. And if your DP isn’t a cat person, why should he have to live with one?

If you really see it as “your house your rules” he should definitely move out. That’s no basis for a happy home.

He shouldn't have to live with a pet if he doesn't want to - I don't see why that makes him unreasonable or a bad person. And I say that as an animal lover.

If you had plans to get a cat, surely that's the kind of thing you discuss before you move someone else into your home?

Reminded me of this who wouldn't choose the cat?

@Furries

Thankfully there’s one person on this thread who isn’t like anyone I know in real life! 🐱💕

Thankfully I don't know anyone irl that would move their partner into their home with their child, and be so blasé about that decision that they would let their partner leave so they could get a cat, that they had never even discussed getting before. So childish.

People are allowed to have their boundaries.

And yet the OP isn’t allowed hers, according to you.

A “partner” who threatens to leave because he doesn’t want the OP and her son, who want a cat, to have a cat, is emotionally blackmailing them. Sounds like it would be no great loss. If they didn’t get the cat he’d probably threaten to leave next time he thinks he’s not going to get his own way about something.

I love my cats, but honestly if I’d just moved in with someone, thinking we were now living together, and then they made a unilateral decision to get a pet I didn’t like, I’d move out too.

It’s not a unilateral decision. The OP’s son wants the cat too.

Love me, love my cats.

My dh never wanted a dcat. Adamant no way. Then ds's gf's dcat had dkittens. Dh said we could have 2..
Whenever his bad moods took him he would get The Rage. Accuse me of being a piss taking bitch for getting them ...
Things went from bad to worse. I threw him and his moods out after having them just 3 months....
He focused his Twatism on them. Ultimately he made me choose.
He lost.

If the cat came first, then the cat would win. My partner was not fond of cats when he moved in, but he was well aware the cat was here first, and sleeps on the bed. This was not up for negotiation. They are now the best of friends, I think the cat may actually like him more than me now

However, if the man came first, then it should be a joint discussion. My house my rules doesn't work when you have invited someone to live with you, their views have to come into consideration. It might be your house, but it is his home now too.

Neither of you is being unreasonable really (I would feel the same way your partner does about a dog - I like them, but I don't want to live with one). I'm just really surprised this didn't come up at any time at all before he moved in?

@FamilyOfAliens

People are allowed to have their boundaries.

And yet the OP isn’t allowed hers, according to you.

A “partner” who threatens to leave because he doesn’t want the OP and her son, who want a cat, to have a cat, is emotionally blackmailing them. Sounds like it would be no great loss. If they didn’t get the cat he’d probably threaten to leave next time he thinks he’s not going to get his own way about something.

What boundaries have I said the OP isn't allowed? Infact what boundaries is it he's trying to cross? She doesn't even have a cat, it's just something she thought would be a nice idea.

And no, you can't call it emotional blackmail. Again, he didn't say he would end the relationship, just that he wasn't prepared to live with a cat because he doesn't like them. Perfectly reasonable.