Will she ever be friendly?

[WhoLettheCatOut]

Hello, after our super friendly pair of rescue cats died we adopted another pair earlier this year. Sadly one was killed on the road after just a couple of weeks (lockdown has resulted in our quiet road being used as a racetrack). Neither were lap cats and this I knew, remaining cat is a delightful mouse catcher which is great for us. She does have a chat and sometimes a play and she tolerates daily chin scratches. I feel despite the trauma she is well settled.

I do miss my lap cats though. I know she'll never be one of my former cats but do you think she will get friendlier as she ages? I suspect this is just her personality!

I've had mine for 4.5 years now, and they've slowly gone from terrified ex-ferals (after a year at the rescue) into demanding overlords who want frequent cuddles on their terms.

Boycat, who was the shyest and took nearly a year to even touch, now has to have 30 mins snuggles on the bed every morning before I'm allowed to get dressed. I am permitted to do their breakfast, make a cuppa and sometimes even read my emails before he needs another snuggle on the sofa. These need to be repeated at regular intervals until bed time, when he gets another 30 mins snuggle on the bed.

Girlcat is more independent and bolder, but MUST be petted whenever in reach on passing, has to be picked up for 30-90 secs at least 4 times a day, and has at least 1 snuggle on the sofa a day.

They've never sat on my lap as such, but Boycat especially likes me to sit on the sofa & pick him up snuggled against my chest, paws & head on my shoulder. I have hopes that in another year or so, they will deign to try out my rather ample lap.

Remember, these were ex-ferals that weren't trapped until they were a year old then spent a year being rejected by adopters in the rescue because they would hide from everyone, so seemingly among the least likely to become cuddlecats.

Hopefully, she will. One of mine is a very shy girl, a real scaredy cat. She isn't unfriendly, but she's extremely cautious, even with me, and lives a lot of her life on high alert. I've had her since she was 4 weeks old and she's nearly 9. I've accepted that she won't change, which is OK with me. She is who she is

Ah that's interesting, thanks both! I will wait and see, we've only had her since March and she'll be 3 in Feb. She tolerates us more than she did in the beginning but I suspect she's just a very independent lady, her sister had begun to sneak up next to us on the sofa before she died. To be fair I don't encourage her, she has her own armchair with her blanket but if her blanket is on the sofa she will sit there next to me but in her own space.

Is she a tortie?

I was wondering if she was a tortie.

She is.....oh no what don't I know about torties?! I've only had Bengals before.

I sound like I'm not happy about it but I honestly am. I adore her and I'm happy with whatever she is like, she just has unexpected attitude levels that I'm not used to 🤣

Torties tend to have this kind of attitude I'm afraid. But it's also very amusing. One of ours is tortie (we have six altogether). She's prissy, ungrateful, anti social, and generally couldn't give two hoots about anyone but my husband. I will suffice for pets in his absence. And we've had her since she was a kitten - she's nearly 8yo now. So don't take it personally

I have one like this. Right from being a kitten she’s hated being picked up and cuddled. Like yours will tolerate being stroked at her beckoning but we’ve come to accept this is just how she is.. feral!

My cats ( brother/sister) aren't lap cats .
They'll sit next to us if that's what they want .
If I offer my hand to stroke one I'm very likely to be swiped at or mildly bitten ( ie teeth but no menace ).
Male loves my DD . Female loves DH and my DS bedroom.
I am merely tolerated as I bring the catfood in.

We bought them one of those tall towers , highest basket is my shoulder height . Female cat grabbed me as I walked by it , I thought my DD had pulled my clothes it was such force .

They are very much "Yes you are lucky to have us stay with you " cats ,
Though they have moulded us into a very strict routine of breakfast , unlock the door , dreamies , lock door ,supper times . So I think they like it here !

My tortie was the cuddliest teddycat on the planet, so it's not always true!

Current cat though, came to us at 2 from a refuge, has been with us a year, and is very cautious. Sweet and purry, likes a stroke, but very much not into laps or cuddles. I keep hoping!

It took 15 months before my little girl sat on my lap. Only then because it was bonfire night and she was big eyed and nervous. She reguarly jumps on my lap now several times a day.
Keep the faith!

That's good to hear! Haha teeth with no menace here too.

Torties are polar opposites of bengals. You’ve gone from one extreme to the other.

From “fuss me, talk to me, what are we doing now can I join in” to “eeew no don’t touch me, ugh now I have to wash the human smell off, oh god she’s still talking to me”.

eeew no don’t touch me, ugh now I have to wash the human smell off, oh god she’s still talking to me”

our previous cat was a tortie/white ( came to us at 2yo lived to 17yo)
She would immediately wash her fur if we stroked her (though she was friendly) . We always joked she was washing off our manky human traces.

And she could come in with the dirtiest paws and wash them back to pristine white . There's some enzyme in CatSpit that washing powder manufacturers most be desperate to replicate .(Synthetically obvs)

Did she shoot you a look before washing manky human smell off herself?.

Oh hell yes

Like a tiny dragon she'd breathe then remember if she shot flames out we'd be gibbering wrecks .

Our MaleCat now gives me The Look if I try and touch him.

"How very dare you I did not give you permission "
Though DH can tickle his tummy

These have made me laugh. Weirdly she has now a couple of times invited tummy rubs (which I have been cautious of assuming a trap!) But as said completely on her own terms and ended quite clearly with tooth and claw!

Took our rescue female a full year to settle. Now she's a very affectionate demanding lapcat who loves her tummy being rubbed. Always on her terms and god forbid we pick her up for a cuddle.

In the first year, she was just a bit reserved with us but she was young andheavily pregnant when found and seriously malnourished, so we think she must have been pretty traumatised. Defo a teenage mum.