I'm scared of my cat - what to do

[CatFearer]

I've had my rescue cat for around 6 years. She is very pretty, and sometimes allows me to stroke her cheeks, but other than that she is quite ferocious.

She refused to be picked up. She refuses to be groomed. And she's getting worse as she gets older. She lashes out with her claws at people's legs passing by.

Tonight she decided to sit on DS2s keyboard, I lured her off with Dreamies. Then she goes and sits on DS1s keyboard. I didn't want to give her more Dreamies as she'd just had some, so I tried to gently push her off from her rear end (quite hard to do when she's facing me). She lashed out at me, full-on aggressive hissing with her paws swiping at me and her claws out. This is what I mean when I say she refuses to be picked up. The only way I could get her off the keyboard was to give Dreamies again.

She is so difficult to live with. I don't know what I'm asking really, just having a vent. Has anyone else had such a difficult cat? How did you move them if they were somewhere they shouldn't be?

I was wondering if she’s in pain too. This is all fear based behaviour and I think someone’s hurt her and she’s trying to stop it happening again.

There is a Jackson Galaxy video on YouTube but I can’t link from YouTube, it’s a tortie rescue who lashes out because she’s been hit. If yours goes for legs maybe she’s been kicked quite violently?. I can’t remember what they did but the torties foster carer worked with her and she became a very affectionate cat who could be around new people and therefore adoptable.

@LimeLemonOrange

Good suggestions. Thick gloves and a coat or thick dressing gown could work.

Even wearing those I'm not sure I'll be brave enough to pick her up but I'll try. It's human instinct to back off when an animal is trying to attack you!

Sadly I just don't have any love for the cat anymore.

If you don’t love her then perhaps you should rehome her. She will know she’s not loved, she will feel it. You both deserve better.

Here’s the cat I was talking about.

Have you tried moving the laptop from underneath her? Mine aren't quite so keen on sitting on thing which they know could move.

She sounds like she can't relax at home. She is finding make-shift solutions to having no bed, but then you're telling her to move which is confusing and angering her. She'll be sitting on laptop keyboards because she likes the heat from the laptop battery underneath. She needs a few designated spaces around the house. She has no place of her own at present, of course you are finding her in places she shouldn't be. How about a radiator bed, where she can snuggle up warm without resorting to seeking heat from laptops? We got ours cheaply online. I'd also suggest a couple more beds for her, including a sheltered/covered one (ours is a Lidl "Cat Cave") where she can nestle away safely and privately when she wants to. She needs her own space.

You need to socialise her. Second the idea of thick gloves. Also do you play with her? My cat has play aggression and it got a lot better by concerted efforts to play with him regularly.

If she's not happy being picked up and touched then you need to stop doing it. Using gloves or wearing a thick coat to do so is still going to be upsetting for her, even it helps protect your hands and arms.

I have a rescue cat who was aggressive when we got him. He's fine with me now but still massively dislikes DH. I don't do anything that triggers him at all - so we didn't pick him up or go to him for fuss for a year - we let him come to us. All fuss and interaction and affection was on his terms.

Our cat starting hissing and attacking us and I went to the pet shop to buy some feliway. The shop assistant asked if I had taken the cat to the vet. When I did take the cat to the vet they realised he had a back injury. Once treated he was so much better. He is unfortunately still a bit feisty so if I ever do need to move him I protect myself but I try and avoid moving him if at all possible. He will now come for love and affection but will quickly tell you if you go too far!

My 19 year old girl has always been an absolute bollox, peeing in corners, biting guests, going bananas when groomed.
But since it's just been me and her after I got divorced and the other cat died she is as soppy as anything and even if she has a go at me when I'm grooming her it's with claws in and she doesn't bite.
There has been a huge improvement. I don't think she liked men or male cats. She was a feral though.

Thanks for all the thoughts and suggestions.

I've had to move her several times today from both DCs keyboards / mouse areas. There isn't even any warmth coming from them as they're not part of a laptop (desktop PC set up)!

I used thick gloves, she hated it and hissed and swiped at me, but as soon as she was on the ground, I used the laser pointer to distract her, which she loved.

Ps the gloves idea was genius, I now feel I can safely move her when I need to, which makes me feel less frustrated with her.

You have had her for 6 years OP, why are you only now discovering that

A. Wearing gloves will protect your hands

and

B. Oh no, you didn't take the point about socialising her.

Have you done anything at all in 6 years to try and help her relax in the home?

Please stop picking her up. It clearly stressed her out.

She likes the laser pointer so why not use that to encourage her down instead?

Using gloves and continuing to pick her up will make her more stressed and more reactive.

Use treats and the laser pointer, and her name in a sing-song voice, to get her down. Her interactions with humans need to be positive if you want to actually address the issue.

I don't understand why some posters are so against the gloves idea. The cat is probably picking up on the OP's fear. If the gloves make the OP less fearful, isn't that a good thing that will help with bonding? You can't just say "don't ever pick the cat up". You have to pick cats up sometimes, like to take them to the vet. Moving a cat so children can do their homework is perfectly reasonable, the gloves won't hurt her and she clearly wasn't traumatised as she then enjoyed playing with the OP after so it seems like it's going better than it was which s a good thing, surely.

@Prestel

I don't understand why some posters are so against the gloves idea. The cat is probably picking up on the OP's fear. If the gloves make the OP less fearful, isn't that a good thing that will help with bonding? You can't just say "don't ever pick the cat up". You have to pick cats up sometimes, like to take them to the vet. Moving a cat so children can do their homework is perfectly reasonable, the gloves won't hurt her and she clearly wasn't traumatised as she then enjoyed playing with the OP after so it seems like it's going better than it was which s a good thing, surely.

Because by hissing, growling and scratching, the cat is clearly displaying some extreme discomfort. Why would you keep putting your pet through that when it's totally unnecessary? Unless they're old or injured, cats don't need to be picked up. They're more than capable of jumping up and down from places on their own.

Having to pick a cat up to give them medicine or take them to the vets is a necessity and doesn't fall into the same category imo.

I don't understand why someone who loved their pet would put them through something they hate for no reason. This cat loves laser pointers so why not use something fun to get the cat down, rather then stress it out and potentially get yourself injured in the process?

I do understand what you're saying but the OP is afraid of her cat and I think that needs to be tackled first. Knowing she has a way to move the cat without getting hurt - if she needs to - will eliminate a lot of the anxiety and stress of the situation which will be good for the whole family, including the cat. She will never be able to build a positive relationship with her cat and get to the bottom of its distress and behaviours if she's scared of it. Hopefully knowing she can use the gloves as a last resort will allow her to relax around the cat and start to enjoy her company again and the cat can only benefit from that.

Prestel the OP has said the cat will move for Dreamies, this isn't a last resort situation.

The sensible thing going forward is for the whole family to be consistent working with the cat to address the behaviour and at the same time the cat should be removed from rooms (by positive means) if humans are going to be doing things she will interrupt or disrupt.

The most important thing is to reduce the opportunities for the cat to lash out.

@Prestel

I do understand what you're saying but the OP is afraid of her cat and I think that needs to be tackled first. Knowing she has a way to move the cat without getting hurt - if she needs to - will eliminate a lot of the anxiety and stress of the situation which will be good for the whole family, including the cat. She will never be able to build a positive relationship with her cat and get to the bottom of its distress and behaviours if she's scared of it. Hopefully knowing she can use the gloves as a last resort will allow her to relax around the cat and start to enjoy her company again and the cat can only benefit from that.

But she already has a way of moving the cat without getting hurt - luring it down or away with Dreamies or the laser toy. There is no need whatsoever to pick up a cat that doesn't enjoy it. What does it actually achieve? By hissing and scratching, the cat is showing that it's uncomfortable. I really don't understand why would you put your pet (and yourself) through that when it's easily avoidable?

She shouldn't be putting the cat into a position where it feels it has no choice but to lash out.

I only thought that knowing she can use gloves would help her feel more in control and couldn't understand why gloves were so bad or why telling her never to pick the cat up (when she obviously has to for vet visits) helped. Reading the further replies I can see the concern was about why the cat was hissing in the first place and the need to address this and I completely agree with that. I just didn't really get that from the initial replies, so sorry for my misunderstanding.

I agree the gloves are a good option for emergencies (vet visits, like you say) but otherwise it should be avoided. A hissing, scratching cat is not a happy cat - the best thing to do is avoid putting the cat in that situation in the first place, and gain the cats' trust another way :)

I have a cat who was very aggressive when we got him. If you picked him up, you'd get a growl, a hiss and a scratch every single time. Three years later he will actively seek you out for cuddles and to be picked up - these things take time, especially if cats have had lots of negative experiences in the past.

Lots of mixed feelings here re the gloves.

I can obviously see that picking the cat up is stressful for her. She doesn't like it, I don't like it.

But she won't get down for the laser toy, or any other cajoling or toys or play. She will only get down for Dreamies.

And an earlier poster said that by luring her off with Dreamies I was training her to sit on the keyboards.

So I switched to gloves and picking her up.

So which is best - Dreamies (training her to sit on keyboards)? Or gloves (stresses her out)?

ps to the person who asked why I haven't addressed her not being able to relax - she is very very relaxed the rest of the time. She has four double beds, two sofas, and a few floordrobes, nice rugs etc to choose from to sleep on. She sleeps for hours. Eats. Purrs. Plays. Goes outside. Does usual cat things.

But she doesn't like moving from somewhere she has chosen to sit. And she doesn't like it when humans rush past her so she attacks their legs.

Today my DCs have managed to keep her out of the room with the computers in so I haven't had to move her.

ps She has only just started doing this jumping onto computer desks while sons are using them thing, so for the last 6 years this hasn't been an issue. She did use to sit in front of the TV which was annoying but you could kind of watch it round her.

Whereas with the keyboards she presses things that mess up the DCs homework or their gaming sessions. So she needs to be moved off immediately.

And an earlier poster said that by luring her off with Dreamies I was training her to sit on the keyboards.

I don't think this is the case at all, but even if it is, does it really matter if she likes to sit on keyboards?

There's no way I would make my cat unhappy if there was an alternative option. I mean, why would you?

Whereas with the keyboards she presses things that mess up the DCs homework or their gaming sessions. So she needs to be moved off immediately.

The solution here would be to just not let her in the room at the same time as DC's are doing homework.