[LONG, but in dire need of help!]
We have 3 cats: two (aged 3) that we got as a pair (apparently siblings, but they are not bonded - have never slept side by side for example), and one aged 18 months.
The older two were largely unphased by the arrival of the youngest and for a long time, everything was fine(* I'll come back to this).
However the last few months, girl cat (one of the siblings) has developed a HATRED of the youngest. Like, really hates him, has started guarding rooms in the house so he can't go in them, attacks him, hisses when he goes past. This isn't every day, or all the time, but it's definitely getting worst. She obviously isn't happy, and youngest cat is now scared of her.
We have tried:
- Moving all resources (food, litter trays, water) to separate areas, and they even have their own wand and jingly toys to make sure they don't try and resource guard stuff.
- Feliway Friends; only a month in right now, but making zero noticeable difference
- Spending dedicated time one on one with both of them seperately - i.e when girl cat is in a room, quietly shutting the door and giving her loads of fuss without younger cat nearby to distract, and vice versa
- TONS of play time with both, each day, both apart and - occasionally - in the same area
- Increased their feeds, as we switched to a different food a while ago and we wondered if they were a bit hungry.
None of this has made the blindest bit of difference and it's getting worse - girl cat will now swipe at the human walking past her when she's started growling, even though once youngest cat is removed from the scenario she's a snugglebug and super lovey immediately.
In theory - failing anything else helping, and out of fairness to them both becauase this is not sustainable - we should rehome the youngest: he's the newest, he came into her space, the other two came as a pair.
However...
We have often said she would be happiest as an only cat - she's extremely territorial over her beds and her humans (possibly the problem here - she has chosen me as 'hers', as has youngest cat). Her and her sibling are not fussed for one another - they don't sleep together, have never groomed one another, don't greet each other. She is, when youngest isn't around, a LOVELY cat, so snuggly and friendly and chirpy. She's very pretty, too - a dainty calico girl.
Youngest is: a big fat rectangle black cat with a gormless face (i.e. not first pick at the rescue - although we would rehome him personally, but you know what I mean - he's a harder sell!). He is also, unfortunately, the most vocal cat I've ever, ever met. To the point where we don't sleep a full night, and haven't since we got him. He is currently under referral to a behavioural expert, to see if this is some kind of anxiety: he's always been like this, since he was a teeny tiny kitten, and his siblings are like this too - they were partly hand reared, which the vet thinks is the issue. Girl cat HATES his vocalisations at the moment, and in turn he seems to be getting worse.
He would be a very difficult cat to rehome. He's hard work, he's vocal all night every night, and I wouldn't know how to tread the line between honesty (I sleep on the sofa 3-4 nights a week because he won't settle otherwise, and usually only in 3 hour bursts) and not letting them know what they were in for in the hopes they'd take him.
My hope is that he gets his behavioural referral, they prescribe him anti-anxiety meds (as the vet says they will - he just needs the diagnosis from the behaviourist to prescribe), his vocalisations die down and girl cat chills out and they all go back to normal, with the bonus that I can sleep in my own bed.
But if that doesn't happen, do we rehome him (difficult, scared nobody will want him, a hard 'sell' considering everyone knows what a wee pain in the arse he's been since we got him), or her (separating her from her sibling, she was here first).
Selfishly, and despite him being permanently on his bullshit, youngest cat is just my tiny love and the thought of him going somewhere else breaks my heart. He is noisy and hard work and I've never been so sleep deprived, but he is SO loving and snuggly and he gives so much back. In an ideal world where she could find someone who adored her and gave her an amazing life and she definitely wouldn't miss her sibling (and he wouldn't miss her), I would rehome her instead.
But we took her in and told each other when we rehomed youngest that the older two came first and if it wasn't working at any point, they were our priority. It's now not working.
Any ideas how to magically fix them? What do we do if we can't?
P.S. The third cat is a perfect, sweet, unassuming angel who is the platonic ideal of cats, bless him.
P.P.S. We can't slow-reintroduce them because of the layout of our house and how vocal he is: he would HOWL for hours on end if we popped him in a room for a week or so, and he would freak out. Can you slow-reintroduce from, say, a cattery? If we let him take a little holiday? Or is that madness?
If you got this far, you've got my undying thanks. I'm here crying my heart out at the thought of either of these beautiful little idiots thinking we don't want them any more, but also at how unhappy they seem to be currently.