Domesticating a Stray/feral cat

[CRbear]

Hi all,

I’ve been deliberating getting a cat for years. For various reasons it’s been hard to do but a few weeks ago a good friend mentioned she had stray kittens in her garden. She’d been feeding them and two in particular were showing signs of being possible to domesticate (food motivated, Turning up at dinner times, eating from her hand, coming into the house etc.) we trapped them last week and I brought one home on Thursday. I’ve got a utility room which has become hers. I have scratch post/litter tray/electric blanket/toys/food/feliway diffuser etc in there. I read a lot online about how to gently socialise her and that included leaving her be for 12-24 hours and then having intermittent periods in the room with her. Unsurprisingly I didn’t see her until Friday morning when I had to force her out (as gently as possible) for her first vets visit. I couldn’t go in with her but the vet said she was skittish rather then vicious or anything. She’s about 6 months old so definitely at the older end of possibility to domesticate, but I do want to try.

So since we got back I left her for another 24 hours (with plenty of food and water of course) and then yesterday I sat in with her for an hour morning/evening and I’ll do the same today. She won’t eat when I’m in the room with her, she won’t even come out of hiding. She is absolutely cleaning up the food I leave though. I’ve tried tempting her with sardines in tomato sauce (advice from a rescue) - a couple of metres away from me and partly hidden but no luck until I leave. Both mornings I’ve had the fright of my life when she’s managed to prise an extremely difficult drain cover out of situ and I’ve been terrified she’s been down it! I’ve now covered it with a 10kg weight and I’m sure she can’t get in it now. She’s also pulled the tubing off the tumble dryer - assuming in the hopes of getting out the vent- another near heart attack for me - but luckily it was screwed on pretty tight. She’s not using her litter tray and I discovered today she’s been peeing in blankets/a cushion. I’m washing them now and I’ve filled the litter tray deeper as apparently it can be because it’s too shallow and they don’t like splash back! Who would...

I feel so sad for her that she’s so desperate to escape. Must be such an awful change but I’m trying to reassure myself it will be for the best in the end. She’d have no life outside - especially come winter. She will eventually be an indoor/outdoor cat but obviously I can’t communicate that to her!

She’s beautiful and I love her already. Sorry for the mega essay but I think I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyone has any further advice of what I could do? Any experience trying to socialise stray cats of this age- am I doing the right things? Thanks for reading! I haven’t got any good pics of her yet but I’ll share one if I manage. She’s entirely black, yellow eyes, very small and “elegant”

I managed to domesticate a very old feral cat. The vet said he was over 10 years old. He was beautiful. One of our cats we had when I was younger was also a stray Tom cat that we had to gain trust from.

It’s about earning trust and it takes time, patience and consistency. I definitely think I would go in slightly more frequently though! We did once in the morning, once during the day and then a longer spell in the evening. She’s used to your scent now and knows you bring food.

Have you tried playing with those sticks that have a string on with a toy attached to the end?

Perhaps try putting on radio 4 very quietly, so she gets used to hearing human noise?
As she has used a blanket to toilet on, maybe the litter you have used is too harsh on her paws and a finer/softer one would be better. Perhaps out the used blanket right up to the tray so she gets the idea. Our feral mum preferred a hooded tray without the door on.
Try cooked roast chicken still warm, tinned tuna, cooked cod or webbox sticks. All were successful in getting ours to come out of hiding to eat. She will now take a webbox stick from our hand.
Our Mrs cat is a lot older and the vet has said she is a true feral, unlikely to be ever domesticated, but we have got her as far as three daily visitors for food and fuss. Her kittens are now very happy and domesticated cuddle balls of fluff.
Keep going I think with a lot of patience and once she’s spayed, you will get there.

Would it be possible for you to leave the door of the utility room slightly open to the rest of the house when you're there? Maybe just shutting the doors to rooms where you don't want her to go. This might make her feel less trapped.

Just thinking back to when we got our very timid (not now!) re-homed cat. His room was the dining room with food, water, litter tray etc. He was of course domesticated, so easier, but we largely left him alone other than feeding, cleaning tray and talking gently to him, but left the door slightly open. His curiosity eventually got the better of him and he started making little forays into the hall and eventually the living room. Probably took several months for him to become fully confident with us. We got cat flaps fitted and went out with him every time he went outside at first, and finished every visit outside with some cat treats to encourage his return. The way to a cat's heart is definitely through its stomach! Good luck with your girl.

Good luck. We did the same thing with a cat 20 years ago. It took months before she really trusted us but she became a real lap cat in the end. She was DH's cat and she thought everyone else was beneath her!

Ive got four ex ferals, don't worry, you will feel like the worst cat torturer and doubt yourself along the way, but once you get that first purr/headbump/welcoming miaow it will all be worth it! They just dont know that at first.

Mine were all 1+, the oldest 7+ when they were trapped, theyve all made lovely cats, one can't be handled, but will come for a fuss, and another is a completely fussy velcro cat. The quickest turned around in three weeks, the longest took eighteen months.

Thankyou for taking her in, in the depths of winter its lovely seeing them warm and safe. My one point would be to be careful about eventually letting her out, it is common for ex ferals to revert once outside, their old fears and wariness return and they are difficult to get back in.

Another thing is to have her in a room that you use a fair bit to help her get used, she will just hide initially but they do come round once they realise you aren't a threat. You might want to get her using a tray properly first though, putting some soil from outside in might give her the idea, then gradually revert to litter.

I have 2 ex ferals, they were about a year old when trapped then spent another year in the rescue. It did take months, especially for Boycat who is very scared, very clumsy and thick as shit (vet refers to him as borderline special needs!) but both demand their cuddles now and are very happy kitties.

However due to them being feral for so long, one of the conditions the rescue had was that they would be indoor only cats, for the reason bodgeitandscarper said.

Some great advice on here and just wanted to say you seem like you're handling everything really well and it's lovely of you you to care so much about the little kitten.

The key really is to confine the cat somewhere where she can't really get away from you. We use hospital baskets like this www.metalcote.co.uk/product/isolation/ which have enough space for a small litter tray (the ones sold in Poundland are ideal), food, water and a bed. You can then handle the kitten regularly and get it used to you. If it spends all the time hiding then it's not getting socialised. You can also use a small dog crate, but would need to block all the large gaps with chicken wire or similar.

What is happening with the mother cat and the rest of the kittens? Is your friend getting help?

You can but try. Zylkene calms them down, not so much that their zoned out but enough to take the edge off. Like a single gin & tonic.

Mum needs trapping or there will be a kitten problem. Now the kittens are weaned she’ll be ready to meet new cats.

Just a note on the crating, it does work and will help to socialise them more quickly; I've used that method a couple of times, but both cats that I did it with became very wary of enclosed spaces, so while they were quicker to come round, I think it was more traumatic for them. They will take longer if allowed to hide away, but it means the socialisation is on their terms. They've all come round eventually and if time isn't an issue it does still work.

Basically going in the room a lot and feeding, and playing with toys and ignoring the majority of the time while doing your own thing so they see you aren't a threat has worked well for me.

I have seen no evidence of the effect Bodgeit describes. Crating is really the way to make ferals tame. Not crating risks never succeeding.

My mother took in two feral/stray cats. First of all, she put food out for them in the garden. Then, in the winter, she left the shed door open for them - with cat beds inside. Gradually, she enticed them into eating their food in the kitchen - they were in a state of terror, looking at the ceiling at first. One had a litter of three kittens - we socialised them, kept two, and found a home for the other one. Eventually, they came to live indoors and became normal family cats - one was so soppy, she was like a big furry baby! Once, they were tame, we had them both spayed. We have had so called domesticated cats, who were far more aggressive!

Wow, thank you all for such supportive messages! I half expected to be told I was off my rocker for trying. Really appreciate you all taking the time.

@MellowMelly Lovely to hear your success story! I have been doing a short spell in the morning, and an hour or so in the evening. I work so can't really do during the day, though i may be working from home soon (Silver lining of COVID) and can up it then. I tried playing with a string earlier but I think she's just too frightened at this stage.

@Bargebill19 I've been listening to some youtube etc. and I'll see if I can get a little radio. She used the litter tray for wee last night (but pooped on the floor! Baby steps) - so i'll try changing her litter. I'll try some of those delights this week :)

@HunkyPunk - that's an idea, but i'm wary of her weeing on all my soft furnishings, and she's such a good hider, I might never see her again! I'll try spending more time in the kitchen/dining room with the door open (and closed to the rest of the house) and see if that helps. I'm always making sure to do something "nice" on every visit in - treats/litter tray/water/food etc.

@TheLongRider - I can only hope I have an experience like that!

@bodgeitandscarper Thank you so much - I've heard your words "First purr/headbump/welcoming miaow" over and over in the last couple of days and it really will be worth it! That's interesting about letting her out, I'd really hoped for her to be an indoor/outdoor but I'll certainly be wary. @Allergictoironing - noted about them being indoor only. Something to consider. Would be awful to lose her after all this effort haha.

@thecatneuterer - gosh, I hear what you're saying but I feel bad enough trapping her in a fairly large room. She's 6 months too - do you think she's too old for that sort of training? She seems rather disdainful of me already - ah, cats :) I know it risks never succeeding, but I Imagine there is a risk of making them distrustful with the crate? My friend and I are working with a rescue to catch the rest, I haven't heard the latest, but they seem to be far too wary of the trap now so I don't know what the next step is. Awfully sad because the cycle will repeat itself.

@Fluffycloudland77 agreed- and try I shall. I have a diffuser thing that's supposed to help. Agreed about the kitten problem, there is already a second litter. We're doing our best, but they're smart critters!

@DarkMintChocolate What a lovely story :) That would be my ideal way to socialise her, but unfortunately it's not my house they descended upon. At the time of trapping we had them eating from our hands inside, but they'd leg it out if the door threatened to close/loud noise occurred etc. She's definitely gone backwards a bit, but fingers crossed she's not traumatised forever.

Well I'll keep going. Sounds like I'm doing a version of the right things atleast. I'm sat in here with her now. We're ignoring eachother :)

I forgot to mention about another cat we had that was feral even though he had been in a home. He was bullied by the owners other cat so spent the first year of his life living in the old ladies cupboard.
We got him from the RSPCA (I was about 14 years old) and he spent about 3 months living in my wardrobe (his choice) because he didn’t know any different. He only ever came out for food which was all in my bedroom along with his litter tray and only when no one was in there. One night I felt something on my bed and it was him. This went on every night for about another 3 months. Then suddenly one day I went to go and have breakfast and he just followed me out of my room. It was a major breakthrough. He was a different cat after that!

OP. Any feral cat stands a better chance of being tamed with crating. However six months old is probably around the cut off point for having much chance of success with this method. Ultimately, as you're keeping the cat, and as long as it's neutered, you don't really need it to be super friendly, as long as it will live happily alongside you. For this to happen you MUST have a cat flap. Shy/ferals are really only happy to be inside if they feel they have an escape route. So I would keep it for around two months and then allow her to go out via a cat flap. She will almost certainly stay out for a couple of weeks and then start to come in again.

As for the trapping of the others. It sound as though the rescue either don't know what they're doing or they have the wrong equipment. Automatic traps can't be used where there is more than one cat. Are they using automatics? Can you say what area it is? I might be able to recommend a better rescue. If they are using manual traps then they need to leave dummy traps, where the feeders put their food for a week or so, so they get used to going inside them. I go trapping cat colonies nearly every day - they don't become frightened of the trap because I have the right equipment and I know what I'm doing. I always get them all in the end.

@thecatneuterer - we’ve just been given two automatic traps and a good luck! I’m in Norfolk. They’re going to want the traps back soon as well and we’ve had no luck with the rest. Do you think a rescue should be helping us more?

We have taken in 8 ferals over the year, but most were only a few days old.

The loveliest of all is a male who was much older, don’t know exactly as he was half starved when he showed up.

He took more than a year before he would let himself be stroked, now he sits on my lap.

He is, however, definitely the most skittish of them all.

We have one who lived wild for a few months as a kitten - probably from 6-9 months. He took a lot of convincing to even come into the house (adopted from neighbours). He still likes to be able to see an escape route and gets nervous coming in and out of the house. Once in though he is really soppy and will curl up on laps. He comes in (virtually) every night and managed to adapt to a house move. He doesn't wander far and generally comes when called in the garden. He hates being picked up, interactions are on his rules, but I think that is true of many cats.

Please be careful re the cat flap, it's taken me four and a half months to recapture an ex feral housecat that escaped, and Ive been called to recapture ex ferals that have escaped several times with traps, a timid cat will revert. I use a catio, nearly all the ferals are wary the first few times they go out and are much happier indoors.
If you want to catch several cats at once then a drop trap is your friend, but do watch videos, practise in advance. You can leave the traps out for several days with food in and the door securely tied so that it won't go off and once they are happy going in then set it. Perseverance (and gin) are the keys.

Well I'm not surprised you haven't succeeded with the traps. Automatic traps should never be used if there is more than one cat and can end up doing more harm than good as the cats will then be more trap shy than they would have been if nothing had been done. We (Celia Hammonds) frequently offer templates for making manual traps and training - either in person or virtual - to any charity we find using automatics as standard - and very few indeed take us up on it. It's very frustrating.

Anyway ....

If you're relatively near the Suffolk border, as opposed to North Norfolk, I might be able to organise some help for you. Feel free to pm me.

If you want to make an automatic trap manual you can just prop the door with a full water bottle with string attached.

Good luck! Lots of good advice on this thread.

Just to add to what others have said about spending time with the cat: rather than going in for half an hour or so and waiting for her to come out/trying to coax her out, go in and just do your own thing. Reading is good, or listening to a podcast while messing around on the iPad or laptop - ideally on the floor so she can explore you and your smell while you aren’t totally focused on her. Always tempting to react when she comes near you!

I’ll be inretested to hear how the traps go. The feral kittens near me escaped the automatic trap...

Thanks so much for all the excellent advice. I thought I’d give an update- said cat is sat on the floor next to me while I WFH. Purring away. She’s still extremely timid and scared but as soon as I start patting her she’s desperate for more. It’s like she forgets how much she likes it. I’m confident she’s going to grow accustomed to me and live a happy life- such a relief! The vet at her second vaccination had been warned about her (from the first!) and she came out saying she’d been great and had allowed them to do everything no problem. The difference is phenomenal.

In the end I went with the crating suggestion- thank you @thecatneuterer and anyone else who suggested it. I was horrified at the idea to start but it really did work wonders. She won’t go anywhere near the cage now though - no surprise. It’s done it’s job and I’m thrilled.

Thanks again everyone- I was feeling quite despairing at the situation and not knowing how to help her feel safe and less than (?) a month later I’m well on my way to having a happy furry companion.

Oh- must share a photo- she’s gorgeous