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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Overwhelmed with loss despite new cat

36 replies

LostFrog · 11/10/2020 17:38

Brought new kitten home yesterday, he’s settled in pretty well, no hiding under furniture and is sitting on ds’s lap at the moment. Ds seems happy.

I on the other hand am a mess and can’t stop crying and feeling sad about beloved cat who died suddenly in July. I knew it might be difficult but it is much worse than I thought, I thought that once he was here it would be ok but it’s not. Old cat was so affectionate and full of character and I fell massively in love with him straightaway. I feel nothing for new cat at all.

Sorry I know I need to pull myself together. He was just so perfect in every way.

OP posts:

Pancakeorcrepe · 16/10/2020 06:31

Hi @LostFrog, yes take kitten to vet soonest.
It may have “drunken sailor” symptom, this can fixed or improved in many cases with physiotherapy exercises which you can do at home with him, but needs to start as soon as possible. Did you get him from someone who breeds moggies then?

Roselilly36 · 16/10/2020 06:48

Bless you OP, I would feel the same, I have never been brave enough to get another cat since losing my last boy at 18 yrs, he was very much my cat.

It’s early days, enjoy watching your kitten grow, the grief will get easier. This kitten will not doubt have a totally different personality and slot into your family life in no time at all. It doesn’t mean you will miss your cat any less, it will just be different.

Roselilly36 · 16/10/2020 06:50

Just seen your update, keeping everything crossed for you.

Original poster

LostFrog · 16/10/2020 18:53

Thank you all for your support. Booked in with vet on Monday.

OP posts:

Pancakeorcrepe · 16/10/2020 20:28

Fab, let us know how you get on.

kingsleyhimself · 16/10/2020 20:38

my DM got a new cat 6 months after the old one died and she really regretted it, the cat was quite destructive and not cuddly and communicative like the old one.

She's slowly bonded with the sneaky little despot and she'll do anything for it! I did think she was going to take it back to the shelter though and it took her about 6 months. We both miss Old Cat very much and nothing will replace her, but the cats are such different personalities that over time we stopped comparing them. Fingers crossed your cat is ok.

madcatladyforever · 18/10/2020 14:32

It's so very hard OP, Buns is 19 and the last of my six cats and I know when she goes I will not be able to cope with getting a new cat for a long time yet the thought of an empty catless home is unbearable.
I will be tempted I know but I know I won't be able to accept a new cat for a long while. I shouldn't have favourites but Buns is my favourite out of the 6, it was instant love at first site and has continued to be so over all these years.
i cannot imagine another cat ever filling the terrible void.

Original poster

LostFrog · 19/10/2020 21:12

Thanks for all your support on this thread. I really do appreciate it.

Took kitten to the vet today and he is fine. She wasn’t too worried about his legs but said to monitor it. Burst into tears at the vet because it brought back memories of the last time I was there.

Think I have turned a corner at the weekend. Have seen how happy he makes the kids and that makes me happy. He sits on the children’s lap for hours but is totally indifferent to me and dh and I am fine with that I think. I’m not sure I could go through the heartbreak again anyway.

madcatladyforever I hope Buns is with you a good while longer. I said when our cat died that there were family members I would miss less than him! Dh lost his Gran last year and didn’t shed a tear, but was inconsolable when cat died. I don’t think people understand pet bereavement, especially with cats. It’s nice to be able to come on here where people get it.

OP posts:

TheLongRider · 19/10/2020 23:31

You are doing so well considering the circumstances. As I said up thread, don't be so hard on yourself, your previous cat was your cat of course you are going to be distraught.

I'm glad the cat appears to be choosing his people. You'll be ok too. I'd love to see a picture of your old cat and the new one, if you feel able to post.

midlifecrash · 20/10/2020 21:02

I feel for you. All I can say is that this cat is not a replacement, it is a different cat - it will have different ways of showing it wants snuggles, different places it wants to be stroked, favourite games, food preferences - etc. It can never take away the pain of losing the other cat, but is a new cat to meet and love (I still feel sad when I see the duvet cover that my cat that died in 2012 used to like best, I do get it). Current cat is snoozing on the sofa and is the best cat in the world - now.

Purplekitchen · 21/10/2020 18:53

It is devastating when you lose a pet, they are such a part of the family.
We had to have our 17yo cat pts to sleep in April and DH and I had always said we would wait at least a year before getting another.
But, both our grown up dds were with us for the lockdown and persuaded us to adopt a rescue cat from CPL. She arrived beginning of June and it was instant love, to the extent that I feel guilty about how quickly we replaced first cat.

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