Should kids see cat being PTS?

[PoorOldPuss]

Our poor sweet old boy is 20 and has severe renal problems. It's looking increasingly likely that he may need to be PTS in the next couple of days.

Our kids are 12 and 15 and I don't know whether they should be there or not. Are these things guaranteed to be peaceful? Any distress to the cat would obviously mean it would be totally inappropriate for them to attend. They love the cat very much and want to say goodbye to him. (He is in the vet's overnight at the moment.)

I also don't know whether it's even going to be possible for any of us to be present, given Covid restrictions. Ideally we would like to bring him home so that he's in a familiar environment, but I don't know whether any vets are doing home visits (our own vet isn't) . We have a garden where it could be done without the vet going inside, if that makes any difference. It just breaks my heart to think of the old darling being PTS in a strange building with nobody he knows there.

Sorry, I'm a bit confused and upset, but would be grateful for any advice.

One of ours did get distressed but she was a strong willed girl who we think realised what was going on. The others didn’t.

So it’s a no from me.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, it's so sad saying goodbye. I dont know about your DC being there but I wanted to share my experience from our boy cat being PTS 4 weeks ago (also due to kidney failure). The vet came out to the car and did the paperwork and then took him in to the surgery and put a cannula in his leg. When he was ready we went into the surgery and put on masks, gloves and aprons. I said goodbye to boy cat and left because I didn't want to be in the room at the end. DH stayed while the injection was given and said it was peaceful. We'd taken his bed in so he was settled on that and comfortable and he was cremated on his bed too.

My girl was very peaceful and dignified. But she was pretty chilled out.

No! Say goodbye at home in car. You won’t be allowed all to go in anyway. Why would they want to watch that? Let them have a last memory of him as he is. It is tough, we lost our old lady a few weeks ago, just let them know it’s fine to be sad. 💐 for you all.

I'm so sorry, it's horrible when you know the time has come. Unfortunately it's not guaranteed to be peaceful and seeing them ditressed, or even just having the cannula put in, is upsetting. I'd arrange it so that your children say goodbye before and after

*distressed

I was going to say no, but when I saw their ages, I'd say yes (if they want to)
I did it for my dog at that sort of age, my parents couldn't face it.
He went very peacefully, just like going to sleep when you have an anaesthetic.
It was heartbreaking for me, but I'm still really glad I was there.
So, so sorry about your lovely cat

So sorry

I had to take my then 8 year old with me to have our old lady cat PTS after she was hit by a car, I had no choice but to take him and have him in with me, and it was fine, we were both devastated but it was peaceful and calm. Looking back I know I had no choice and at the time probably wouldn't have chosen to take him if I had any alternative option, but I have no regrets.

I detest watching animals be put to sleep. I just can't get over watching it. I've had a few pets PTS and I've been there for their benefit. So they're not alone with a stranger but no I wouldn't take children. Let them say goodbye before hand.

I’ve had various experiences with dogs.

One was very peaceful and just slipped away
One was quite distressed and put up a bit of fight for the canula to be put in
One was peaceful to start with but after they’ve passed away they can do a kind of weird breathing/panting thing which was a bit frightening.

So if the kids are ok with these possibilities I’d say at that age they might be ok to take with you.

Thanks everybody. It's difficult enough to know what to do in this situation in normal times, never mind now.

I don't actually know whether the kids will even ask to be there at the end. I'm just thinking back to when I was a kid and was never allowed to watch our pets being PTS. For some reason I was under the impression that the vet hit them on the head with a hammer, and I ended up believing that for years. So actually it would probably have been less traumatic to watch the actual process!

Do they always put a cannula in? When they put my cat down, they just injected her.

I probably would let the children say goodbye at home beforehand, but if they’ll let you in, you should stay until the end. I stayed because I’d seen this.

I would gently explain what is happening b(be wary of euphemism words like sleep around death with the very young as they can start to worry at bedtime). All them if they would like to be there. If they understand what is happening and want to say goodbye I think it would be mean to not allow it. Equally if they don't. I don't think there is a best way.

Btw. We had to have our much loved dog PTS 3 weeks ago. He hated vet surgeries and they wouldn't come to the house to do it in the garden (though some vets will). But the old boy did love going places in the car so we drove him there and they came out to the car to do it. It was very kind and because we were outside we could be with him to the end. Good luck. It's the most important and most difficult decision you make for them. X

Our vet is allowing one person per pet in the surgery but I’m not sure I’d take children anyway even in normal times . What do you plan to do with the body , as that’s where the children can get involved if they want be it a funeral in the garden or taking him to the pet crematorium. I’ve had a fair number of animals pts from horses to rats and they’ve always been peaceful .

The only time I've had a child with me is when I've had no choice, both times husband was too busy Sitting on his arse ds1 was 3 and ds2 was 2 (2 different times) Fortunately they don't remember.
Ds2 is 14 now and I had our 19 year old mutt pts at the end of last year. Even though he wasn't with me he was still devastated, I'd been warning him for months that the hound wasn't well.
If any child is empathic I wouldn't recommend taking them.

I wouldn’t. When our old cat was PTS I was focused just on her. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with my kids too.

We had to have our 10 year old cat put to sleep last December (so pre-COVID). There is no way my 14 year old wasnt going to be there. I had never had to have a cat put to sleep so I had no idea what would happen,. but that it was the only right course of action. Our vet was lovely , supportive, talked us through what would happen. We said our good byes, the vet injected the drug, and we held our cat until he passed. Literally no seconds at all. We cried buckets. We both loved that cat so much - he had rescued us during some pretty bad times. It would have been wrong for my 14 year old not to be there. But I had warned them all week before that the only decision i could make reasonably was for the cat to be put to sleep. So my child knew the cat was not coming home with us - there would not be a happy ending.

But so sorry I dont know how it works during Covid times. I hope you can all say goodbye.

As a PS we ended up adopting within weeks another cat from the same breed. Beyond faster than I thought possible. We are not still that keen on this cat. They are very needy compared to the last one. We will get there I am sure, but our children are very much part of that process.

I’m sorry to hear about your cat -20 is a good age. x
Most practices are only allowing one owner in with a pet, and some aren’t allowing owners in at all if the consulting rooms are very small.
I would contact your surgery to ask what the current set up is, so you know what to expect. They will do everything to make it as peaceful as possible.

@PoorOldPuss - I’m so sorry you are facing losing you dear old boy.

This is such a difficult thing to decide, but on balance, I would probably say no, they shouldn’t be there. In pre-Covid times, I might have swayed more the other way, but for now my answer would be no.

It will partly depend on your vets policy at the moment. Some will allow one person into the building, some will PTS in the car park, some will be in the building wit’s one person present.

I was “lucky” when my boy went - it was 4 days before lockdown and he was had been sedated in the morning for scans etc, so was fairly spaced when I went in. This was nearly 7 months ago and I’m still not over watching him slip away. I think if I had children I would rather they say goodbye in their home environment, rather than the weirdness of masks etc at the moment.

Plus, given his age, you obviously had him for quite a while before you had your children. It’s not easy “holding it together” when you say goodbye - you need to be there to acknowledge their passing, but also without letting them see you are upset, just your love. I just think it would be easier for you to be solo for that. Plus, with all the mask wearing now, would multiple people crowding round him be the right thing for him to see.

Am sorry if this hasn’t come across in the right way. I don’t have children, so can’t imagine how hard this is to navigate.

Whatever you decide, I wish your boy lots of love for his remaining time, and your family strength and togetherness.

If the vets allow it I would let the DCs be there. But be aware it's hard for you to deal with your grief as well as your DCs.
I have had cats dogs and ferrets pts and all have been peaceful with just a single injection .
Things you should be aware of is one of my cats gave a strange quiet meow as he passed ( pos just air escaping from his lungs )
Both dogs lost control of their bladder & bowels . The 1st time I saw that it was distressing.
If you are going to keep the body bear in mind the body may swell up and become distended due to traped gasses so bury him on the same day.
A friend had his dog put to sleep in the evening at home and couldn't face burying him that night but the following day his pooch had lost control of his bowls and his body had swollen . That was very distressing.

So, so sorry your old boy has come to this time, but it's some small comfort to bear in mind we can afford our pet children a lovely sleepy peaceful passing that we can only hope for as humans. I'd ring the vets to see what the protocol is during Covid, but whatever happens you're making the best choices for your darling boy. DC (older) attended when Ddog was pts last year, but I'd pre warned about muscle spasms/lungs deflating (last gasps), which can be very distressing. We also all attended when my mum's old boy was pts (moral support), but they attempted to fit a catheter in the back room and he became a bit distressed (which was awful). I specifically asked they didn't for our Ddog due to that. You could possibly ask the vet brings DCat back out to be seen if you can't go inside? Which might seem really macabre, but they'll also see a peaceful body at rest rather than worrying what's happened behind closed doors? Failing that lots of quiet time cuddling, stroking in the run up? Have a family night where you make it Dcats 'best night' pre vets visit. We got the option of paw prints in a memory card and some forget me not seeds from the vets too (which was lovely!), we've put the paw prints as part of our family collage on the dining room wall.

When we put our cat down about 7 weeks ago my ds14 went . He stayed till the end. He said it was like watching her go to sleep. Dh went with him and said the vet was great

Our vets also (pre covid) light a candle in the waiting area to make people aware that a pet is passing. Maybe that's something you might like to do as a family whilst DCat is making their way across the rainbow bridge if you can't be in the room. I've always thought it seems a lovely way to honour our special little family members and mark their moving on.

If he’s at the vets already he’s probably on a drip? If so, he already has a cannula in and a long drip like attached. In which case you won’t have to watch him having that part done, and that’s the only potentially painful part. It’s also the only bit they’d need to hold or restrain him for. I’m a vet and we’ve done PTS like this- owner holds and vet stands 2 metres away and injects drug down drip line.

It’s very peaceful (potentially apart from placing cannula as mentioned above). Vets should warn you about possible gasping breaths afterwards/losing Urine of faeces.

I like children to see it because I think the idea of it is worse than the reality. I also think that seeing it happen and staying afterwards for a short time makes it a lot easier to accept that they’ve gone. But you’d need to be the kind of person who’d be ok with crying in front of them otherwise it’s not fair on you to be trying to hold it together.

Best of luck with your decisions though (and as you say you may not have the choice anyway).