Oh gosh, will it get easier?
I had to have my cat put to sleep yesterday. My first time. It went as well as it could have. She was on my lap when they put the line In.
She had cancer and had weakened quickly over the past couple of days. It was the right time. I was a weeping mess and have been since.
Now I keep thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye. A dark cushion, a shadow, a curtain moving.
The house just feels wrong. So many little bits of routine involved her.
My first thought on waking up this morning was that she’ll be wanting fed and then to come into the bedroom to hang out.
I guess I’ve spent 13 years mostly knowing where she was. And she was very social, so she was mostly supervising whatever I was doing! Or I knew when I hadn’t seen her for too long and she had likely got herself into some ludicrous scrape, either indoors or out.
I have a partner and step DCs now but it was just me and her for many years and she was with me during some rough times.
I suppose these firsts are hard; my first time waking up without her, walking back into the house for the first time when usually she’d hear the door and come to see me.
When working from home she liked to “help” and was usually too near the lap top, on my lap or sleeping on an arrangement of scrap paper I’d made for her, so she wouldn’t be lying on exactly the document I needed 
It feels so flat.