How to convince DH

[HotButteryPopcorn]

Few years ago DH promised DD a cat for her 10th birthday. She is turning 10 in 2 months, expecting a kitten as a birthday present. She's waiting for this birthday for 3 years and is obsessed with kittens. All she talks about is this.

DH has changed his mind and tonight said no we are not getting one. He has few things going on at the moment and says he doesn't have the energy for this. I tried to convince him but we just ended up arguing.

DD is going to be crushed. Any advice how to deal with this.

He doesn't have the energy to keep his word to his dd?
Is he generally a nice df?.

Well it’s an early lesson for her in what men can be like. You must be fuming with him.

He can’t do that! She’ll remember that as the worst birthday ever.

Would an older cat be acceptable?
Lots of them in shelters looking for homes and less work than a kitten.

Realistically how much work will he be doing for this kitten.

I’d just do it, it’s not grounds for divorce is it?.

Get the kitten, get rid of DH if needed

Does she desperately want a tiny kitten, would she have a slightly older one. Tiny kittens while lovely can be hard work

First off he has to be the one to tell her. And he needs to do that now so that her birthday is less of a crushing disappointment.
Secondly he should seriously reflect on how his daughter's opinion of him will change. He needs to step outside his problems and consider the fact that he made a promise to a child years ago which he is now breaking to suit himself. That child is his daughter.
Encourage him to see it from her point of view. If he was a ten year old who had been waiting for years how would he feel about a father who broke his word? Does he imagine she's going to just forget about this? Time for a reality check.
Thirdly once he has told her, support your daughter to make a rational counter-argument. She needs to understand that this not your choice and that some people CAN be trusted.

This happened to me with a puppy op. Our old dog died 6 years ago and my oh promised my dd a puppy when she turned 8. He backtracked a couple weeks before her birthday.
I went and got a puppy anyway. I wasn’t sneaky about it, I found the puppy I wanted online (yes it was gumtree and no I don’t want a lecture about it from dog crazy Mumsnetters), I told him I was getting it, and I got it. As far as I was concerned we’d both agreed to it and I wasn’t letting her down. He was pissed off but I’d have much preferred that than breaking my children’s hearts.

Actually I think pps are right. You made the promise too. Just get the kitten (and start looking now - they're difficult to find atm).

I would just get it , you made her a promise you can't let her down.

I suppose I disagree a bit with previous posters and feel like this may be an unpopular opinion... I think getting a pet as a birthday present like that is always a terrible idea. Animals are not presents, ever. It's not great he ever promised in the first place and I do understand your daughter will be very disappointed.

But, taking on a pet IS a big deal and should always be something everyone in the family agrees with. For most people who want a pet it's of course a positive experience but it does mean also making allowances for new things (litter trays, hair on absolutely everything, potentially mice or dead birds brought in, making arrangements for holiday times, budgeting for vet fees etc.). The kitten will hopefully live 15-20 years - if your daughter is turning 10 now, she will very likely to have moved out by the time the cat is only middle aged so it's technically a cat for you and DH really.

I get your point about pets and presents Viccat. It's the same as the 'not just for Christmas' message that animal charities give. However, I think talking about getting a kitten for 3 years does suggest that HotButteryPopcorn's daughter would be very responsible towards a kitten if she got one.

Would it be different if you chose a young cat, OP? They are often still really playful and are less likely to climb curtains and generally destroy the house but still have that lovely kitteny enthusiasm.

I think if DH is adamant he doesn't want a cat, then he will have to tell her soon. Would he respond to persuasion along the lines of, 'what a brilliant dad you are for getting DD a kitten when you don't want one. She is going to remember what you did all her life' ?

My friend's husband got her a kitten for her 50th birthday. Asthmatic and not very fond of cats, he wanted to make her happy. Now he loves the cat just as much as her.