I miss my neighbour's cat

[meadow89]

My neighbour's cat adopted me, as she became quite unhappy at home bc they got a new dog, and she would spend all day every day plus night if we let her. We asked twice if we can adopt her from them as she's clearly happier with us, plus when it is raining or windy, they do not pick her up, we either have to take her there or let her in otherwise poor thing sits outside. Breaks my heart.

Have been told multiple times not to let her in, and got so upset, DH and I decided to get our own cat. She is lovely and sweet and I love her, but cannot stop missing my neighbour's cat. I really bonded with her and I stupidly keep crying whenever I see her outside sitting in our garden, pleading to be let in! I kept doing it and tried introducing kitten and her, but decided it is too hard - I am not allowed to keep her and I do not want to encourage her to wait outside, especially now winter is coming.

I am so upset and I miss her. Do not know what to do, really, not much can be done :(

Just let her in.
And accept you are her new slave.

Let her in 💕 🐈

Get your kitten a cat flap.... you can’t help whoever else visits!! You can see her for visits though but you have to accept she’s not your cat, as much as you love her!

Yes let her in, she has decided she wants to be with you.

Let her in

Awww I feel your pain, we love our neighbour's cat too! He meows pitifully outside (they have assured us they DO feed him and suspect the neighbours backing onto their garden do too) - we've stopped feeding him as we now know he's trying it on - but we do let him in for a cuddle sometimes! Our cats are friends with him.

Oh let her in!
She's chosen her home and it's yours. She is your owner!
I grew up with cats and it was understood that sometimes, they went off to live elsewhere and that was that.
We have two cats and a dog. Our 7-year-old cat came to us from our neighbours' home. They happily let us 'rehome' him after their new dog couldn't see the cat as anything but prey.
Anyway, our eldest cat's been with us for about 5 and a half years now.
We recently got a kitten in June and it was a bit wobbly but they're absolutely grand now. Just take time to introduce them properly. And let her in without the kitten in the room. Let her eat (without disruption from the kitten). Make sure you don't launch the kitten on her, especially if you haven't been letting her in. Let her back into your home. Nobody can force a cat to live in a home they no longer want to be in.

Sorry I disagree. She belongs to your neighbours and they want to keep her. You musn't encourage her.
She's their family pet and they love her.

This drives me nuts - this is not your pet! Why do people think it's ok to try and steal someone else's pet?! You wouldn't do that with a dog would you? There is a dog who lives up the road from us and occasionally escapes and comes into our garden, he is very friendly and sweet but I would never let him into our house or feed him so why is it ok for people to do this with cats?

Years ago our cat went missing and we were devastated, went door to door, put up posters etc weeks later got a call from a vet to say he'd been found (micro chipped). A woman on the other side of the village had been feeding him, letting him into her house and generally treating him like her pet for several weeks. She eventually took him to the vet which is how we were found. We went round to her house to pick him up and she clearly wanted to keep him. She didn't seem to think she had done anything wrong.

@Tavannach yes hence my post. I understand it is not my cat, and I asked already, the family would like to keep her so I am absolutely not going to go against their wishes.

@nutellatoast - yes I agree, I would be upset if this happened to my pet. However, I did contact her family the very first day she came to visit, and they gave their blessing for her to stay here during the day, sleep over, and even live with us for week+ when they went on holiday. So then I asked if maybe they would consider letting us take over feeding and vet bills etc as it is not fair for us to live with their cat and for them to pay for it. However, they decided they would like to keep her, which is absolutely their right. I do not feed or let her in now, but I do miss her.

Thanks everyone for lovely messages. We do not have a cat flat and I cannot honestly try and take her away from them, it is their pet. I just wish she was looked after a bit more - she is very friendly and clearly loves company, sad to see her sitting outside all alone, crying to be let in.

I don’t think you should have let her in and fed her, not once or for a period of time. She is someone’s pet. They have expressly asked you not to let you in. Cats are designed to look cute, but she had a home and food. Why would they come and ‘get’ her in the rain?! Cats are perfectly able to make their own way home in the rain. Yes, she has disruption at home, but she may well have got used to it.

It must be gut wrenching to feel the loss of an adored cat, I do sympathise, but you should never have let yourself get attached in that way.

You have not really any idea whether she is properly looked after when she is in her own home. Many family have cats and dogs living together.

I have no patience for people who feed other people’s cats. It can cause so much misery and heartache for their other family.

What do you mean by “ plus when it is raining or windy, they do not pick her up “ ?
Are you saying they should have picked her up from your home?

She’s their cat, they’ve declined your offer to take the cat on and have told you to stop feeding her. Concentrate on your own kitten and you’ll bond with that one instead.

Just because they want to keep their cat, doesn't mean they can / will look after it or provide it with a decent home.

Car flap is the perfect solution. Good for your kitten too.

OP I understand, sometimes we bond deeply with a cat.

I feed cats for a living for people who are away from home and so I see a lot of cats.

Personally I always feel desperately sad for cats who are shut out of their home for long periods. Such cats are more likely to seek shelter in another home, and to be honest I think this is understandable and largely due to the owners not meeting the cat's needs.

If your neighbours won't offer the cat free or very frequent access to their home then I'm afraid IMO it is absolutely fine for you to do so.

Maybe I’ve misunderstood. But apart from the dog, what evidence is there that she isn’t being cared for or is being shut out of the neighbour’s house?

I just wish she was looked after a bit more - she is very friendly and clearly loves company, sad to see her sitting outside all alone, crying to be let in.

I've been helping clear a house lately. The first week a very friendly cat came in the back door and was delighted to be fussed over. She came so frequently that I started to worry that something had happened to her owner but she always twisted away when I tried to read the name tag on her collar.
Then one day I saw her going into a house further down the road. The man outside working on his car told me that she was his family's cat. He wasn't surprised she was coming in - he knew she had at least three other houses in the neighbourhood that she visited frequently, some of which were feeding her until asked not to.
It's cat behaviour to go out mooching. Sitting 'crying in the rain' certainly doesn't mean the cat is mistreated or neglected. You have to respect the owner's wishes.

Sounds like you have confused this cat by feeding her and letting her stay all day and overnight in the past.

Now she cries outside your house as she doesn’t understand why you’re not letting her in and feeding her any more. Whereas if you’d never let her in and fed her, she’d have spent more time at her actual home and may have got used to the dog by now.

This is why people should not feed other people’s cats.

thanks, I agree, I've made a mistake of feeding her - but I did say now twice, I contacted the owner first time she walked in, and they told me they are happy she has a place to hang out! When I would send them a picture of her sleeping on my desk, the owner would reply "she looks so cosy, don't worry about waking her up, if you don't mind her staying the night, we are already in beds" when I offered to drop the cat off and so on.

I did not start this, I did everything I think should have done when she came initially. These people let me look after her for weeks, months even, so finally I was so stressed I asked to keep her, because every evening I would take her forcefully outside, and she wouldn't go home for hours, which would make me feel bad and worried.

I do not feed her and do not let her in now, she is still outside all day everyday, being very loud and sad.

I don't think she is neglected per se, but her fur is tangled and not brushed (she's got long hair), she is out at all times late into the night (when knowing her I know she's an indoor cat who loves to nap and be near people) and she was always really hungry, eating so fast she got a hiccup once. She is a very small and thin cat, very thin for her age.

I understand you are upset with me, but I do personally believe they do prefer their new dog, and care very little about where their cat is all day and night. Neighbour told me herself she started disappearing when dog arrived, and she only found us weeks after, and neighbour seemed happy she has us. I have messages saying just that.

All I am saying is - I asked how involved can I be, and they told me I can go all in, with sleepover and so on. When I thought it was better for the cat to actually officially live with us, so I can relieve the owner from vet bills and also stress and confuse the cat less etc, they changed their mind. I miss her so much, and I respect their wish, but I feel it is selfish and this cat got from us much more than food. She is very social and followed me like a dog, sleeping next to me as I worked from home, asking to be loved and fussed. Clearly, she doesn't like the dog, she's an older cat, and their solution was to accept that she's now an outdoor cat even tho she was a very loving indoor cat before.

It makes me angry and sad, as there is nothing I can do. I came here because I thought someone may understand the helplessness I feel and how heartbreaking it is to see her outside, running to me and wanting to be let inside to cuddle up to me and nap.

I do feel for you. I think you should keep saying to the neighbours that she is waiting outside your house all day and into the night. You are worried about her and ask again if they would let you take her on permanently. The weather will soon get colder and wetter and it is so sad to think she will be waiting outside in all that weather.
She has chosen you, the neighbours just need to see that!

She is their cat so if you feel strongly the only thing you could do is offer to buy her.

Just let her in the house op. If they’re that uncaring for the cat, they won’t notice she’s not crying outside their house as usual

I read this and cannot say anything. I meet my now cat in the exact same predicament, she was outside my door one day, Iet her in, and she never left. In the end I took her to get her microchip scanned and found she had owners that had recently got a dog and decided they weren't too bothered by her disappearance. The poor girl has terrible anxiety (which I cant help but feel like has something to do with living with the unwanted dog) and now cant face people without being skittish and fearful. If I didnt take her in she could have very much continued her life ferral. Thing is some animals dont take well to the company or other animals, they prefer to be alone and that is okay. What is not okay is if the owner ignores this and continues to house another pet, consequently upsetting and pushing their original pet out. Cats will adopt you, not the other way round I learnt this from my cat finding me. And if a cat is not happy they will take it upon themselves to find a more suitable and better living situation. I know you want to respect what the owners want but matter of fact is the damage is done both you and the cat have bonded with each other and it wouldn't be nice for the cat to be pushed out yet again. You can still continue to have relations with the cat and let them in, especially if the owners have said it's okay to do so. Theres no need to feel guilty for that, all your really doing is upsetting yourself doing otherwise. Really and truthfully if the owners want to keep the cat that bad they shouldn't of made it so they put a new dog over their cat. That's clear preferencing and quite frankly I feel really bad for this cat. It deserves a home with someone that will put its needs first so it feels comfortable, and of course get loads of love!

Thank you. I do not know what to do anymore. I want to let her in, and let her nap and then make sure she goes home, but I worry that, as we do not own the place and are moving out likely in May 2021, she will be even more upset after we are gone. What happens to her then? I am happy to offer to pay for her, and my DH agreed we would just have two cats if push comes to shove, and that we would find a place with a garden etc to rent in the future, but I worry she will get even more used to me now and then we will leave and they will not let us take her. I saw her twice outside today, and i gave her some cuddles, and I was bawling my eyes out. I am so heartbroken to see her and hear her meowing outside all day. Her fur is all tangled and I decided I will brush her tomorrow, because I cannot stand it - she looks like she has not been grooming herself very well.

Don't get me wrong, I would do anything to help her and do what's best, but yes she's an extremely anxious cat and i felt she was safe and happy with us, and now she is outside all day being visibly upset (I know I sound crazy, but I CAN tell).

The issue is, she was a gift to their son when he was little, so this is basically his childhood pet. I think they asked him, and he is not ready to let her go. I feel awful trying to take this cat from a child, but at the same time, she is so miserable I feel no one is thinking about what she needs.

I completely understand how you feel OP. We were also going to offer to take over our neighbour's cat (we do love him, and he loves us!) - he was very good at acting like they didn't look after him at all, let alone feed him. He'd show up crying outside our patio door at all times of night, I'm a shift worker so up at some weird times, and in all weathers too. We were on the verge of asking if we could have him.

One day we went over to his actual house to pick up a parcel they'd taken in for us, and there he was, IN their house, lounging around being fussed and living the high life. When he saw we were there he ran outside quickly and put a pitiful look on his face It became very clear he's a complete confidence trickster!

The neighbours actually don't mind if we let him in but we're trying not to keep giving him ideas and although he still comes around doing his poor starving cat act it's much less often now. We just pop outside to give him cuddles instead every now and again.

If anything ever happened to the neighbours he'd be very welcome to move in with us, we've just felt we had to actively stop encouraging him for a bit!