My cat was run over and I'm struggling

[pleasecaffeinateme]

My boy was run over on Monday. It was horrific and he wouldn't have felt anything. The neighbours came knocking on our door and helped us wrap him in a towel. They were really kind.

We couldn't bury him in our garden and my partner didn't want his ashes back as it finds it too morbid and the urn would just be sat in the cupboard so we opted for a communal cremation. I feel shit about that now but he wouldn't have known any different.

I think it only really hit me yesterday that we've lost him and the sadness is unbearable. I spend all day keeping it together for my son and then fall apart in the evening. Our other cat (his sister) is missing him too, she's barely left my side and she keeps randomly meowing. She normally finds a place to sleep upstairs but they're normally togetherI can't bear watching her grieve for him, it's heartbreaking.

I feel awful that this happened to him but I couldn't have kept him inside. He loved being out and about but he'd always come in for food and cuddles. He was only 5 and I just can't cope with the fact that we don't have him anymore.

I don't really know what I want from posting this, maybe it'll just help me deal with it by typing it all out.

I've lost a cat that way too and it's awful.

Don't feel you have to keep it together for your DS - my DS and I (he was only about 6 or 7 at the time) just had a good cry together and I think it helped him to know it was okay to be sad and to grieve.

And chocolate is also good.

I'm very sorry you've lost your cat OP - but you can be assured that although his life was short it will have been far more fulfilling for him being an outside cat.

I'm so so sorry, op. Losing our little family members is so painful. Take the time you need to grieve.

I'm so sorry for the death of your cat @pleasecaffeinateme and the awful circumstances of it. No wonder you are distraught and grieving. I too have an adventurous young cat and while I wish she was an indoor cat (we live on a busy road), I know that given the choice I suspect she'd tell me that she'd rather be allowed out and take her chances. She was very frustrated when we had to keep her in when we got her. Be kind to yourself. You gave him a great life - he was loved and happy - and you gave him his freedom

So sorry op. We lost one of our 2 dcat brothers in April.. The other one has had quite a personality change - be prepared for that.
We have ashes and are planning a scattering of them with ddogs this month..

Thanks everyone. Yeah I totally agree that they'd prefer to be out and take the risk. I'm glad he had a full life.

I think I'm angry too because the person driving was going too fast so it could've been prevented. It didn't need to happen if they had just slowed down

I lost mine this way & feel the devastation & injustice of it still. 5 was no age to lose him & I'm sorry you are going through it too.

Griefs not a linear process so you might be ok one day and in bits the next.

I’ll be catproofing our garden before even looking for another cat, I can’t go through that again.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP

I'm sorry for your loss.

I think a lot of people don't understand the depth of the grief you can feel for a cat. I lost my boy in April and still cry for him.

Allow yourself to cry and feel sad and angry.

Is making some kind of memorial something which would help you? I plated a tree for my Shadow and we painted stones and put them round the edge of it.

Thank you @Gingerkittykat sorry for your loss also.

A memorial is a lovely idea, we could definitely do something in our garden for him. He loved being out there and sunbathing.

I lost a cat like that 17 years ago. His sister is still with me and I still think about him sometimes and miss him.

His sister seemed to mourn for about 2 weeks I think, then she was back to normal. That was the worst actually, I came back with his collar from the vet and she jumped up all excitedly. But it didn't last too long and she got over it before me in the end. We just cuddled up together for the worst of it.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful boy the same way last year and know how devastated you feel

There is a memorial thread here if you want to post a picture

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_litter_tray/3965838-The-Litter-Tray-Memorial-Thread?msgid=99373638

@pleasecaffeinateme You poor thing, I had to have my lovely cat put to sleep 2 years ago and it effected me so badly, I couldn’t go out and see friends as I was too upset then in the car the day after had a panic attack managed to park in a supermarket carpark but could hardly stand and a lovely man came to help until my parents came to pick me up. On and off I had panic attacks after that, I felt so guilty but my cat was so ill he couldn’t walk so it was for the best.
I then got two kittens, keep them indoors as although my other cat was an outdoor cat I just feel safer knowing where they are.
Give yourself time, maybe have a little memorial for your cat? We did do a funeral and my children read out some words and then a few weeks later I bought some plants to plant there. Maybe you could plant something in your cats memory?
I never thought I would get so effected by losing a cat but I did and I totally understand how you are feeling. Sending hugs x