Would you rehome for this reason?

[KickAssAngel]

I have an old(ish) ginger tom. We got him from friends several years ago and think he's about 17. He is my little shadow, follows me around the house and gazes at me with adoration. I completely adore him back, but I'm considering giving him to a shelter as I just can't cope with the problems any more.

He's always been prone to wee-ing in various places, and any change in routine upsets him. He's also had urine infections that cause the same problems, but over the last few months we've had an escalation in problems.

So far I've spent over $1,000 at the vets. We are going to have to re-floor the entire basement at a cost of over $10,000. He has weak hips/back legs and can't manage the stairs to the basement anymore, so we now have 2 litter boxes upstairs. One is in the laundry room, one in the dining room. In spite of this he constantly pees on the carpet in the dining room floor, so that is now covered with towels and newspapers. I took him to the vet yesterday and he has another urine infection - he only got over the last one 2 weeks ago. Because of the infection his pee smells foul - far, far worse than normal cat pee.

As well as the pee problems he also has meds for his joints, his thyroid (overactive) and he's on anti-anxiety meds. Currently he's also on pro-biotics and anti-biotics.

Additionally, he loves a morning shower and often wakes me up to make this happen. He starts waking me up around 5:30. Except it's getting earlier, and the other night he kept me awake until after 3 am, at which point I cracked and gave him a shower, then finally got some sleep.

I'm sleep deprived. My entire house stinks of extra- sour & strong infected cat pee. It is going to cost us around $25,000 to get the house/floor/carpets clean and odor-free (we'll actually have to replace flooring under the carpets, not just the carpets) and he could then just ruin them all again.

There's an animal shelter near us that is a no-kill shelter. I would give them a huge donation (another $1,000 on top of how much this is costing doesn't seem like much) and I know he would be well cared for.

If my cat stays with us we're thinking we may have to keep him shut in just a few rooms (it's a big American open-plan so there are only a few places we can contain him) and only let him out when one of us isn't working and we can sit with him. This seems cruel and worse than having a shelter (where they have large play areas) taking care of him.

If I knew it was only a couple of months that this will go on, I would happily keep him, but this could be several years. Almost all my spare time and all our money is going on taking care of this cat and trying to protect our house. We have a good carpet cleaning machine and I have washed carpets constantly, but they still smell all the time as the damage is just so much.

DH (rightly) says that it will break my heart to get rid of him, but sooner or later he will die and my heart will be broken then anyway. If he goes to a good shelter (and I know this shelter, have visited/donated etc for years) at least my house can become liveable again. Am I just over-reacting to living in a fog of sour cat pee, or would you consider re-homing if this were your cat?

He’s given you years of love and adoration but now that he’s displaying classic signs of old age you are going to make him someone elses problem?

You knew him at his prime and you don’t want him anymore, so why the hell do you think anyone else going to take him on?

Have him PTS so at least he’s not distressed in the last years of his life.

The kindest thing to do would be PTS. I've worked in the vet industry for years and the amount of times people would keep an animal alive for themselves was sad to see. You can't really take him to a shelter, it wouldn't be fair and realistically no one is going to rehome him. I really don't understand why people are so against euthanasia when the time is right. It's the last kindest thing you can do for them.

Ok, you are all helping me to see this better. I'm in tears at the thought of saying goodbye to him, and I think I had a naive hope that a shelter would be kinder as they do offer end of life care and he would have more space there. But that isn't going to work and I was kind of grasping at straws there. I won't be doing it.

Now that I think about it, the vet telling me that she wasn't sure what she could do if he got any further infections was her starting the conversation about whether he should be pts. I don't envy vets having to raise that issue with owners. I'm not the type to get angry with her, but it's a good thing they have tissues in the consulting room.

He's deteriorated so rapidly over the last two months that I'm not keeping up with the situation, emotionally. At least with lockdown I've been wfh and we've had loads of extra cuddles.

I will try this last lot of anti biotics, in the hope of a miracle cure. But if he gets sick again I will have to let him go. I really don't believe in making pets suffer, even if I hate that this is happening. I'd happily nurse him through for months if I thought he was just tired and a bit unsteady on his feet, but this is more than that.

Sorry OP. Its a very hard thing to do, but you need to think about pain and long term prognosis. A shelter isnt the solution in this case. You need a frank discussion with your vet and your wider family as to what to do if the next lot of antibiotics don't provide much of a solution.

Sending hugs and thoughts your way.

It's horrible when the time comes tostart considering PTS.

One thought which might help you is that 'no kill' policies refer to healthy animals. They will euthanise those who have chronic, especially painful or distressing conditions which mean no quality of life (and it can be quite distressing for previously trained animals to have to eliminate indoors, not even making it to a tray).

Far kinder for him to stay in the home where he has been happy and where everything is familiar, than to be separated for his last days

I had an elderly cat like this and many was the time I threatened to have her put down as I felt I could not cope. She would even wee up the curtains, in bookshelves in bags if they were left lying around. However she was my son's cat and he had had her since he was 4 years old. Basically we watched her like a hawk and sometimes even then we were too late. Sorry no advice really.

Another vote for euthanasia, and I do think that this is what the vet is trying to imply to you. Urine infections are incredibly painful for them, I wouldn't hesitate to let him go in your shoes if the meds don't work. 17 is a grand age.

It is hard when they are as old. It's good you've discounted the shelter as that would be way too stressful for him.
Have you tried a lower sided tray as if he's having problems with his back legs/hips. Do have a proper discussion with your vet and you need to decide what is best for him. 17 is a wonderful age for a cat, if he has ongoing issues meaning his quality of life isn't good then I do think it's time to PTS.

@KickAssAngel - this is heartbreaking to read and I completely empathise with your conflicting feelings over this. And to the couple of posters who think that responses have been unfeeling, I personally disagree.

OP - you have had many wonderful years with your beloved pet, and he is now really not well. I think your DH is right in thinking that handing him to the shelter would break your heart. I completely trust your reasoning behind it, but I do think that it’s a way of you subconsciously not wanting to accept the alternative - which is completely understandable. The phrase “if love could have saved you then you would have lived forever” is so bloody true with how much we love our pets.

However, if nothing else, please consider that the shelter would be better to have a place available for a younger, healthy cat who is in desperate need of reforming and could have a chance of finding a loving family.

Personally, I think if it ever got to the stage of considering cat nappies then I don’t think I could put mine through that - to me, that just signifies a huge drop in quality of life and we all know how proud our felines are.

You and your cat have given each other years of mutual love and trust - as hard as it is, I honestly think you need to repay his trust in you by doing the kindest thing for him. Let him go with dignity, and let him go with him knowing how much you love him - not by him spending his final days/weeks away from you in a shelter, but with you being right by his side so that he feels your love and that you are the last thing he sees as he gently slips away.

I won’t lie - it will bloody break your heart. You will have plenty of days filled with tears and “what if’s” etc. But, over time, it will gradually ease a little. I had to say goodbye to my soul cat almost 5 months ago. It completely broke me. But it is a little easier now. It was very quick, and he was too young, so I wasn’t prepared. I couldn’t face the thought of an urn or casket for his ashes (too much of a death connotation) so his ashes are sealed behind a beautiful photo frame and I’ve planted a rose bush in his memory. Am telling you this so that you can hopefully see that by being with him through to the end can then lead you through to some moments of comfort.

I’ve had a few tears flow while thinking about your situation and whilst typing this. The desire to keep them going as long as possible is so, so strong. But the most loving thing we can do is to be even stronger than that - and to be the one to be with them at that difficult moment. I wouldn’t normally suggest this to someone until after that decision has been taken, but I’m going to on this occasion. There is a verse called “today you did the bravest thing”. You may take some comfort from reading that to help you with your decision.

Sending you and your lovely cat lots of love from across the pond 💕

Thank you, furries. This thread has helped me to think this through and make better decisions. As he's started a new batch of anti-biotics I will give it one more go - but this thread made me remember that the vet said she wasn't sure what more she could do. I deliberately mentioned re-homing in the title as I know how much people get upset at the idea of just getting rid of a cat if it's inconvenient. I thought I'd get a thread full of people telling me he's got years to live and I just need to keep trying more medication.

I've just spent a couple of hours on Zoom with friends. They are all massively pro keeping animals if there's any hope for them - one couple spent $10,000 on surgery for a kitten. Even they were hedging towards this may be the end for my boy. I think DH and I need to agree how much we're prepared to keep going through (for DCat more than us) and then do the best we can until we hit that limit. At his age I absolutely would not opt for surgery, and I don't think a life of endless anti-biotics will be happy either. So, if this latest medication works, that's great, but I'm prepared to say goodbye to him if it doesn't.

It's been a very sad day and I've cried a fair bit. We still have lovely cuddles together so I neglected the gardening for that. I've also just had to put 2 towels in the washing machine as they smell, so clearly he's spraying or weeing quite badly, which is another sign that he's not well.

People here have helped me see that he probably is more ill than I had acknowledged. At least I'm comfortable with my decision for what we'll do over the next few weeks/months.

I'm glad I posted, even if it is sad to think he maybe doesn't have much longer. It's really hard to know how sick an animal is, and other people's experience can help a lot.

Has the vet considered a kidney issue or even diabetes. I have had cats with both these conditions and peeing everywhere was one of the symptoms. Especially the urine infections and diabetes.
One of mine was given only a few months because his kidneys were failing. Vet said he would never recover
He had to go every week for I think steroid injections then after a few weeks he had further tests then it became every 2 weeks then every 4 weeks until about 3 or 4 years later he was ok.

Friends dcat got run over and lost control of his bladder.
He was only young and he was ok apart from this one thing.
She put him in Cat Nappies to help with the dribbling when he was inside.

Would that help in the meantime

@KickAssAngel - completely understand re not wanting to be thought of as “getting rid” due to inconvenience. No loving pet owner ever wants to be thought of that way.

If the latest medication does work, then that’s wonderful news and I hope it makes him feel so much better. But equally, listen to your vet. Let them guide you, but also trust your gut - you know your cat best.

As you say, it is often difficult to know how I’ll they are - but it is also difficult to admit to ourselves how ill they are. Cats are generally very good at masking/hiding how bad they feel. So clear signs of urinating inappropriately etc should guide you.

If you feel like sharing, would be lovely to see a photo of your handsome boy.

No one is going to adopt a cat that old with that many issues. It sounds like he has hit old age and is having lots of age related issues and is suffering. You and your dh are also suffering mentally,physically and financially. The fairest thing for the cat and yourselves would be to put him to sleep.

I just want to say that you are clearly a lovely person who cares greatly for your old man.

I think the kindest thing to do for him would be to say goodbye and put him out of pain. The fact that you are considering other expensive options makes it clear that you haven't given up on him, but I think it is time to let him go.

re: diabetes and kidney, we've had blood tests and they look fine, which is why the vet is confused about why he's got another infection so quickly.
In fact, all his blood tests came back fine, except his thyroid, which we're now giving him medicine for.

Just thought I'd mention that I've seen d-mannose recommended for cats urinary problems, I bought some as one of mine has issues, I don't know if it can be combined with antibiotics though as it flushes everything out of the bladder apparently. I do think that letting him go is the kindest option however.

I've just picked up the latest meds and blood results from the vets. She was free and came out to speak to me. Apparently, high thyroid problems can mask kidney problems. Based on the urine & blood tests she thinks he's got inflammatory bowel disease and possibly kidney problems.

It could all settle down once his thyroid is under control but she isn't too hopeful. He seems happy and comfortable for now, but in reality the next time he shows signs of distress or gets another infection then we can't carry on any longer, it isn't fair to him. We're almost certainly in the last few weeks with him. I'll give him all the cuddles & showers he wants but any deterioration and I'll make the call. He still has such a fabulous coat and seems so happy a lot of the time, but clearly I won't keep him in distress if things escalate.

I’m sorry it’s come to this, at least he’ll be with you and not in a cage for his last weeks.

I would get another opinion from a different vet. We’ve had terrible experiences with vets who told us our cat was almost completely blind. She wasn’t, she had a build up of wax in her ear. And they thought her food allergy was cancer. Vets are hit and miss.

As for the peeing in the dining room. Have you tried puppy pads? Our old lady has a habit of peeing over the edge of her tray. We have our puppy pads underneath and around the tray and it’s really helped. You can also get really good sprays that help the smell of cat pee for carpets.

Oh sorry, I didn’t read your last post. Our cat has IBD and had a UTI too. Antibiotics and a change in diet has really made a difference. It’s not necessarily the end!

Looking at the vets notes, he almost certainly has inflammatory bowel disease and maybe kidney problems as well. It would take far too much invasive work to know for sure. We're just going to keep him comfortable and if he starts showing signs of distress then we'll take him in. He looks healthy and happy from the outside but the blood results are telling a different story. The repeated urine problems are just another sign that there are more serious concerns causing them.

17 is a very good age for a cat xx