I have two adult cats, a female 9 and a male 5, both spade / neutered as kittens. The male is normally so laid back, he used to spend most of the day having cuddles off my daughter and sleeping on her bed. We brought my mom's puppy round to the house a few times and he was absolutely fine with it so we thought he would be accepting of new animals into the home.
So we rehomed two male kittens two weeks ago (approx 14 weeks old now) they are booked in to be neutered next week. Since we got them we've kept them in the lounge where they have their own pen with food, water and litter tray - they play in the lounge in the day and are shut in the pen at night (the door to the lounge is shut at all times). We also have 2 feliway friends plug ins, one in the hallway and one in the lounge. The big cats have the rest of the house to themselves and have food and water in the kitchen where there is also a cat flap with free access to outside.
Since we got the kittens, my female cat has been fine, still in her routine and happily coming and going from the house. The male cat, however, now only comes back for food once or twice a day then disappears, but on a couple of days here and there he hasn't come back at all (although he could have popped back in at night to eat some biscuits without us noticing). He won't stay in the house at all, if we try to stroke him or carry him upstairs to his normal spot he growls and runs back out again. When we stroke him outside though he's quite happy to have some fuss.
When we got the kittens we started trying to mix scents for a few days, then let the big cats in the lounge while the kittens were in the pen with a blanket covering them from view. The big cats came in the lounge, had a sniff then ran out. We were trying to take things all very slow and gradual and this approach has worked for us before.
The issues started when the male cat first saw the kittens face to face through the patio window, they walked towards him (no aggression their side), he watched them and then hissed and then that was it. We haven't started to let the kittens explore the rest of the house yet because of the way the male cat has been acting - I want him to feel the rest of the house is still his so he hopefully feels safe to come home but it obviously isn't working and we can't keep them in the lounge forever.
I'm really not sure what to do. How is the male cat ever going to get used to the kittens if he's never home? Should I just carry on as we are and hope he eventually comes round? I'm worried that one day he won't come back, he didn't even come in yesterday when it was raining. I'm thinking of shutting him in the house for a few days to try to get him used to the house again but my other half thinks that's cruel.
Has anyone been through anything similar or have any advice?
Thanks in advance!