Cat doesn't want to come home. Am I doing the right thing?

[Jj2431]

So, my cat has been acting strange with me since I became pregnant. We had a spell of her going missing in January and fortunately a neighbour managed to catch her and bring her back. We kept her in after that but it was clear she was miserable. She got out on friday, I kept opening the door every so often but she wouldn't come back. She snuck in monday for a tiny bit of food and then ran when I entered the room. She is hanging around the street and in the garden but I leave the door open and she doesn't come, if I call her or try to approach she runs. I'm incredibly sad as we had a good bond but I feel I'm kind of having to accept she doesn't want to live here anymore. She isn't being fed by anyone else as she is getting thinner and dirtier. I have now decided just to put food out on the back doorstep for her so that I know she isn't going to starve to death. I know she is eating from it as I've seen her eating it. She apparently did the same thing in her last home and that's why she was given up once they caught her. Am I doing the right thing just putting food outside and leaving door open every so often for her to decide if she wants to come in? Should I be trying to catch her and keeping her in even though she is miserable? Should I be giving her up to somewhere else even though she did the same thing in a previous home too? I find the whole thing so sad :(

Did the last home have a cat flap? I take it you don't have a cat flap? (I'm assuming you have an indoor litter tray in that case?).

She is obviously a cat that doesn't like to feel constrained. The answer, probably is to get her back in, keep her inside for at least two weeks and, in that time, get a flap fitted (and to start with I would take the flap off it, so it's just a hole). I would be prepared to bet that, once she realises she can come and go as she pleases, she will end up staying in more and more.

This is exactly the same reason that anyone adopting timid or semi feral cats has to have a flap. It's the only way to make them feel relaxed about being inside.

If the last home did have a cat flap then ignore everything I've just said!

I couldn't tell you if it did or not.

She isn't timid or semi feral. When we adopted her she loved being with us, particularly me, would sleep on me, follow me everywhere etc this only started in January not long after I became pregnant. I have 2 other children and she was loving and friendly with them too until now.

I'm not saying she is timid or semi feral - I'm saying that's the advice to follow for them too, as well as for any cat that seems reluctant to stay inside.

Would a catio be an option? I’m not sure you should catch her if she doesn’t want to be in.
Does she have shelter outside? Is there a shed or outbuilding she can have access to to shelter in. She might just be happier outside. As long as you are feeding her daily and she is neutered then, although sad she doesn’t want to be inside, she is perfectly happy but I do like the suggestion of a cat flap. I don’t think you should be rehoming her, she will just do the same in her 3rd home.

That was my thought regarding rehoming and I don't want to anyway. We only have a small yard and rent. She does use a shed for shelter. She is neutered so no worries there. Guess we will just have to accept it.
:( I don't want her to be miserable regardless. Thanks for advice

Could you put in a cat flap anyway? Even if you're renting you could still do it. For example if your back door is a two panel uPVC one, you can get the bottom panel swapped for a uPVC one (if it's currently glass), which is very easy to fit a flap in, and you can get the original panel put back in when you leave.

I have an adopted cat that was a street cat prior to me.
She does come in occasionally but prefers to be outside especially in this weather.
I have bought her this

homeandroost.co.uk/product/cat-kennel-xl-self-heating-one-way-privacy-window/

I have carpeted it and put a blanket in it. Currently the flap is wedged open with a box of felix as it is so hot.

Well she is nowhere to be seen today and a teenage girl took interest her so I think someone may have taken her :(

That’s sad OP, is she microchipped? Are you still putting food out in case she wanders back?

Do you know where the girl lives to ask her?

She's not been stolen but we've had at least 3 people knock on in the last few days to say she is trying to get into their house and that they were thinking of looking after her until they realised she has a home. I know they are all fussing her and I think a few of them are feeding her. She bolts when she sees me but will go to strangers so she's clearly made up her mind. I've been putting food out but now all the other cats around here are eating it so it isn't working. She is microchipped so I'm sure when the neighbours get bored or she becomes injured they will bring her back so I can foot the vet bill. I'm so upset and frustrated

When is the baby due?.

Could someone sign to foster her till then?.

She came to the garden earlier but ran off when I went out there. She looks dirty and thin. Baby is due in August.

I saw a neighbour pick her up earlier from my window (he lives right at bottom of street) I asked him if he picks her up to bring her back to me and he didn't.

I wonder if she’ll come back of her own accord once youv3 had the baby?.

Or get worse. No idea. Just don't know what else I can do.

Do you know anyone willing to have her till you give birth?.

Unfortunately not. My dad doesn't like cats, my sister isn't allowed pets at her house. there isn't anyone else. Not sure how that would help anyway as she would probably be even more annoyed being in one house then being put back here.

Sorry for the revival of this old thread, but my cat is doing the same thing, he used to be a complete indoor cat until we showed him the outside world, at first he was so scared he wouldn’t go outside, then he started lounging in the garden, then eventually started expanding his territory and he would come home every dusk. Then he wouldn’t come back at dusk when we called out to him, then he went missing for 2 days in a row, came back with wounds from fighting, now we found out he has heart problems and don’t want to let him outside so have been trying to keep him in but he’s miserable and wants to go out all the time. Now to cut the story short he’s climbed out of a window again tonight. I just wanted to know if the OP ever got Leo back?