What do I say to dd?

[newmumwithquestions]

Sorry - this one is sad.

One of our 9 month old kittens died last night. She had a seizure and was unlikely to recover so I had her pts on the vets advice. She’s one of 2 rescue kittens that we got - family pets but each one officially for a different daughter. This one ‘belonged’ to our 4 year old.

What do I say to her and her 5 year old daughter? They’ll be up soon. I can’t think about it without crying (a lot). Is that really bad? Should I be trying to hold it together so the DDs don’t see me so upset or is it OK to let them see.

We have her home to bury her in the garden tomorrow. DH thinks we should let them see her and say goodbye. I don’t want their last image of her to be this and think we should let them see us bury her but only see the box, maybe each throw a toy in with her to be buried. We’re not religious.

I’m normally really decisive but struggling with this one. Those kittens were/are their world. Used to take turns feeding them, lie on the floor stroking them for hours etc. Think I just need a handhold today.

I think you need to tell her but in a nice way, explain the kitten was needed in animal heaven.. or whatever you think your daughter would like to hear. Sorry i don't have kids myself so i'm not entirely sure, but i don't think it's good for her to see a dead cat. Even for an adult it can be really traumatising!

Thankyou. I’ve told her. She’s crying it out now. This is awful!

I'm sorry to hear about your kitten 😞

I don't think you need to hide that you're sad about it but I would be preparing a speech so I would know what I was saying without crying too much

"DC, I have some really sad news but Kitten wasn't well and we didn't know about it and they've died

It's awful and I'm really sad about it. How lucky were we to have him while we did? What a lovely chap he was and didn't he have a lovely life while he was with us and didn't he love you and spending time being played with" along those lines and expect lots of tears and hugs needed

And then I'd say we're going to bury him in the garden so he's always with his family. So I need you to draw some pictures of him.

And, if you can get them, decorate some stones with paint to go in the garden and make the focus on getting ready for the burial

Sending you best wishes

I understand, even at my grand old age of 27 (😂) i've seen some poorly/dead cats and it still haunts me and upsets me to this day. I think no matter how old you are if you're an animal lover it will always get you down. I'm so sorry you all had to go through this, with a kitten at such a young age too. Hope things get better for you all soon 🤞🏻

I’ve never seen her cry like this. Maybe I should have said she’d gone to live somewhere else? This is awful.

I think you did the right thing. We lost a young cat years ago. My DSis would have been a similar age. You can make it sound better but I think telling her the truth was right. She's bound to be upset but she'll process it and feel better. We got a lovely little ornament for the garden that sits by where she's buried. We picked it as a family. Maybe that's something you could do when we're all able to get out again? Also we're a bit cad daft in this household but when we lost that cat our other pined terribly so ever since then we've shown the other cat the body, they seem to understand better then.

She’s still crying.

The 5 year old doesn’t seem that upset - guess she’s not really processed it? Not sure if that’s better or worse!

And a cat ornament sounds nice. I was thinking of planting a tree but what if it dies!

I think you've done absolutely the right thing,

Maybe get a rose bush rather than. tree as trees, especially from supermarkets, that have been grafted are unreliable. https://www.davidaustinroses.co.uk/?gclid=CjwKCAjw95D0BRBFEiwAcO1KDCCoUuQAA7ABELRR5FqbDK6PuWw9BZgfAh27ROTpUK277m9-SFl-BxoC75YQAvD_BwE

I think sometimes children don't understand like we do so don't process it as well.. maybe that is a good thing?

I must have been about 5 or 6 years old when my beloved ginger kitten was run over and killed. I can still distinctly remember my mum telling me when I got home from school and I was completely heartbroken. I remember my mum crying too - poor her as it must have been awful having to tell me. We didn't have a burial for him but I'm sure it would have helped me if we had of done. I don't actually know what happened to his body, must have been left at the vets :( Your poor DD will get over it eventually and as distressing as it is, it is a life lesson - you've done the right thing in telling her the truth.

My son was 7 when his was killed by a car, he was devastated and I was an absolute mess too. You did the best thing telling her the truth, can you plant some flowers or seeds so there's something to remember it by? We've lost two and they have a pot each that even now we top up depending on time of year. I hope she's ok

That's so sad. It's awful when you lose a pet. Your DC's sound like really lovely girls. I hope your little one's feeling a bit better now.

Etsy have some lovely memorial pebbles for pets. Maybe your little girl would like one to keep in her bedroom?

www.etsy.com/market/pet_memorial_pebble

I have my cats ashes in a little box, following cremation arranged by the vet.

Thanks all. You have no idea how much I needed a bit of a hand hold yesterday. 4 yo DD cried off and on for most of the day yesterday - those big shaking sobs. I didn’t think it would be that bad. Think she’s processed it a bit now and has been much better today.

We buried DCat under trees in the garden and have ordered some bluebells to plant there (that way if they die it’s easy to get more!).

You did the right thing by telling her. Honesty is definitely the best way and you could all cry. I think a little goodbye burial is a nice touch too. Hope the bluebells flower nicely.
Losing a pet is just awful however old you are.