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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

One cat or two?

25 replies

minipie · 29/12/2019 01:52

Help me with a dilemma please? We are looking to adopt a cat, or two, soon, from a rescue. Have been planning to for a while but needed to get building work, house move and Christmas out of the way! Now looking but... I can’t decide whether to look for one or two.

My preference would be two... they’ll play together... we have two cat mad daughters so two would help prevent arguments... company for each other if we go away sometimes... etc.

BUT DH has made it clear that he is not especially keen on having cats at all Sad. He will tolerate it, he’s not saying no and doesn’t dislike cats (he used to be caught with my parents’ burmese on his lap sometimes) but just doesn’t think they are worth the extra hassle and risk of scratching and dead presents etc so would prefer not to.

So... is it better to get just one? Would it be less of an impact on DH? Or doesn’t it make much difference and if we’re getting one we might as well get two?

Thank you

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 29/12/2019 01:53

In all honesty, none, if your DH isn't on board.

Original poster
minipie · 29/12/2019 02:06

Really? Sad Even though he doesn’t dislike cats... just doesn’t want the extra effort... ?

OP posts:
Original poster
minipie · 29/12/2019 02:07

PS Thanks for replying !

OP posts:
SexlessBoulderBelly · 29/12/2019 02:13

My OH said he absolutely hates cats after his gran had a particularly vicious one.

I’ve always grown up with them, had a mixture of bites scratchy don’t touch me types and other loving ones.

It took convincing and OH was not happy at all with the decision but I went and got a kitten. She is absolutely lovely and DP tries to be stubborn but eventually couldn’t hide the fact he loves her. When I joke about him hating cats now he says he hates her all while cutching and kissing her head on the sofa.

I’d go for it.

berkshirecat · 29/12/2019 02:17

Two, definitely. We have two after always having single cats and they get on so weekly, play together really nicely and generally keep each other company. Make sure they are litter mates though or at least have known each other a long time so that you know they will keep getting on!

Original poster
minipie · 29/12/2019 02:25

Sexless thanks - that’s what I’d hope for. However his main experience of cats has been of my parents’ super friendly and loving Burmese cats so he hasn’t exactly been scarred by a vicious one. He just has no soul and doesn’t see the point of pets Confused.

I must admit, on MN threads about DHs reluctant to have children, I never agree with the “he’ll love it once it’s here” argument so I guess I shouldn’t in this case either...?

But it’s not like having a child is it? How much will the cat really affect him, if I do the feeding etc?

Arguing with myself here...!

OP posts:
Original poster
minipie · 29/12/2019 02:32

Thanks berkshire! Yes if it was two it would have to be an already bonded pair.

On the ignoring DH preference or not... sorry to drip feed but one DD has SN and a cat would be so amazing for her...animals really help her stay calm. this is one reason why DH has said ok despite it not being his preference. In case that makes a difference. I am willing to be persuaded I shouldn’t force a cat on him though if it really is a bad idea Sad

Weirdly he was much keener on the idea if the cat could be called Jeff??

OP posts:
SexlessBoulderBelly · 29/12/2019 02:32

Haha! I promised I would do all the feeding and litter testing and vet visits ect.

He does the feeding more than info now, gives her treats and I do the vets trips.

If he’s reluctant because he thinks it’s pointless then I would get one of you want one, they can make such lovely pets and are so easy to look after.

If he genuinely didn’t like cat and had bad experiences or allergies ect then you would obviously have to either reconsider. Sounds like he’s just being stubborn though!

Regarding how many, I only got one. I’d have another ahh day of the week though. But our cats is plenty happy getting lots of love and cuddles from us in her own.

Headunderthecovers · 29/12/2019 03:03

I would certainly go for one not two in view of your DH's ambivalence to the idea. Really question the rescue for nature and upbringing (no previously feral cats/kittens). My grandmother took in a stray cat and it really went for us as children if we went anywhere near it.
I loved my own cat that I had for 21 years, from a kitten, but I'm not the biggest fan of pet hair/mess.
He only brought in the two mice in 21 years (did attempt a largish bird but couldn't manoeuvre it through the cat flap) which isn't pleasant, but as long as you are prepared to deal with it yourself shouldn't bother your husband. He mostly left the remains in the garden after this.
If you have your cat from a kitten you can train them to your household ways in my experience.
My cat never jumped up to walk on the worktops or sat on the sofa if not on a lap (or jumped on beds) and although he liked being up high he used the windowsills and areas I set aside with sheepskins for him to lie on- he did like to sleep on the soft kitchen chair though so I'd just wipe it first thing in the morning.Most of the time he just followed one of us around into whatever room we settled and laid on the rug at our feet or on a lap if he wanted. My sister's cats she has trained to jump onto the table as soon as they come in from outside so she can wipe their feet for dirt and grit/dry their feet!
What I presume your husband doesn't want is extra bother so if you can look at the cat not involving him in extra chores/mess he will surely come to love it as he doesn't process to actually dislike cats! Your own pet is different to generic cats. Remember though it is a massive commitment, as long as my oldest child leaving home in my case and you have to want this and budget for their old age.

Headunderthecovers · 29/12/2019 03:13

Treats are the key to training cats as kittens in my experience and they are quite keen to please you in this case! Just decide what you are consistent on as a family and spend time in the same way as you would a puppy.

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/12/2019 10:08

Oh just get two, I know we’re supposed to be modern & treat men as equals etc but cats are for life whereas men can be a temporary thing.

Your overthinking it.

I genuinely think that when we tell them something we’re asking their opinion. Which is why my dh doesn’t know I’m planning a second integrated freezer for the kitchen. If I tell him he’ll start having opinions about it.

Original poster
minipie · 29/12/2019 12:31

Oh just get two, I know we’re supposed to be modern & treat men as equals etc but cats are for life whereas men can be a temporary thing.

Ha that made me laugh Fluffy! I do tend to overthink things and ask his opinion... and then spend ages persuading him when it’s not the same as mine Grin

Yes Sexless it’s not that he doesn’t like or has allergies, more just doesn’t see the point so why have extra hassle in our lives (he has a demanding job and two pretty demanding children!) Whereas I think the benefits definitely outweigh the work - more so than with children in some ways!

Head I am coming round to the idea of just one, I think that way we can be more “careful” (picky!) about which cat we choose and make sure it is a very friendly one. There are a lot more friendly singles than friendly pairs around. As you say I will question the rescue, although I get the impression rescues only let young families have friendly cats generally anyway? Good tip about having lots of alternative sitting places for them, I might get some wall mounted hammocks for them too so they can escape if they need to.

OP posts:
Ilovellamas · 29/12/2019 12:41

Get two if you are getting kittens, but one if you are getting an older cat. Beware rescue centres - in my experience any cats that look the same are immediately ‘sold’ as siblings and can’t possibly be separated.

BloodyCats · 29/12/2019 12:44

Don’t think it really matters with cats, it’s all dependant on their personality.
I’ve had just one cat before and he was fine, loved his life and wasn’t lonely.

Starstruck2020 · 29/12/2019 12:55

If there is so someone home most of the time one would be fine, but if you are all out at work and school it would be kinder to get two I think

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/12/2019 13:30

This is the worst thing about men, their opinions don’t align ours.

They probably think the same about us 😲

Whatever you decide you’ll find the cat snuggled up on his lap being told “who’s daddy’s best girl?”.

violetbunny · 29/12/2019 14:52

I don't think having two is any extra work. However, it is twice the cuddles Grin

Original poster
minipie · 29/12/2019 18:44

Thanks for all the further replies!

At present I’m at home, but hope to go back to work at some point in the next year or two, plus we will go away sometimes (will use visiting cat sitters) and would want the cats to have company in those situations.

Ilovellamas Shock really? But surely a pair is harder to find a home for...? I would have thought any cats sold as inseparable really are because surely they’d be easier to re home as singles... ? maybe I am naive!

DH is now saying he “doesn’t mind” re one or two... whichever I think is best... this is slightly better than the moody “I don’t care” I was getting yesterday!

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 29/12/2019 19:43

Ah great, crack on with it.

No need to trouble them with details.

HoHoHolly · 29/12/2019 21:51

The rescue centres push you towards pairs because they can re-home more cats that way.

We had our rescue pair for 15 years before one died. The remaining cat is SO much happier since becoming an only cat. I'm not saying it's true for all cats but our vet did say the stress of sharing territory might be why one of ours was always "difficult".

If your DH wants them not to bug him, actually getting 2 is a good shout. They will have many of their social needs met by each other and not be so reliant on your company. However, having adopted a pair last time, we will go for an only cat next time.

Soontobe60 · 29/12/2019 22:00

We got two sister kittens earlier this year. They were about 4 months old. They are very close, sleep curled up with each other, Chase each other all the time and feed from the same bowl despite having 2 bowls. They play outside together too. They wake up early in the morning chasing each other up and down the stairs. We love them!

MamaKarmaLlama · 29/12/2019 22:08

Get two. The joy of watching them play together is delightful. They always have company (if you are out). Mine are super friendly and very funny together. Two are no more trouble than one.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 29/12/2019 22:15

Another vote for getting two at a time.
Always worked for me (except once when I got three Grin.)

Beamur · 29/12/2019 22:16

Get 2 if from same litter/kittens. They amuse each other that way. No much more trouble than one (but little bit more ££)
You get more of an idea for personality and temperament with a slightly older cat.

TrainspottingWelsh · 29/12/2019 22:26

Just ignore your dh. One cat or two, they'll completely ignore his opinions when they arrive so you might as well start preparing him.

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