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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

New kitten, unhappy cat

28 replies

MilaMaceyRome · 21/10/2019 16:04

Hi, not really sure what else to do and first time writing on one of these!
Just some context, I have a 9 year old female cat (Macey) and have had a 13 week old kitten (Rome) for 5 weeks now.
I moved into my first house 3 months ago with my partner, taking my family cat with me. I was pregnant at the time, and now have a 14 week old baby girl called Mila.
My cat Macey was seriously unhappy with the baby and the move, and (stupidly) I thought getting her a little kitten friend would cheer her up and change her back to her kitten like ways. I was wrong, very wrong.
Like I say, it’s been 5 weeks and things have gone from bad to worse. To the point where 9 year old cat (Macey) has started hissing at me and my partner, started biting me, swiping and clawing at me. And this morning she hissed at my baby for the first time and tried to hit her. Basically, I need some advice. Where do I go from here? I’ve been to the vets and they suggested feliway, I’ve been using that for a month and it has made no difference. Do I rehome kitten? (Don’t want to do that) or do I take Macey back to my family home to my Dad where she came from? (Would rather not do that either!) I just want everybody to get along!

OP posts:
viccat · 21/10/2019 17:34

I think you have to think about it from her point of view - not only did she move home, she has then had to welcome first a baby and then a kitten. That's a lot of change for a cat to go through within 3 months, especially if she was used to being the only cat in an adult only home for the past few years at least?

Is Macey getting much attention from you and your partner (without interruption from baby or kitten)? Does she have safe spaces in the home where she can escape from kitten? Does she go out?

Is there a specific reason why you don't want her to go back to your dad's? It sounds like she'd be happier there unless there's something about living there that wasn't working for her.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/10/2019 17:38

Macey needs to go back to your dad's, before permanent damage is done. The poor thing is miserable.

MadCatEnthusiast · 21/10/2019 17:43

How did you introduce Macey with Mila and Macey with Rome? If it wasn’t gradual then I’m not surprised at her being confused and uncomfortable. Imagine the different smells, sounds and the speedy and active kitten for a middle aged cat?

Pinkbonbon · 21/10/2019 17:47

Does she have enough safe space away from the kitten? Ideally a way in which she can navigate the room from shelve to shelve (or something off the ground).

That cat whisperer guy always recommends that. Lots of shelves n the like.

ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens · 21/10/2019 17:49

Awww, poor Macey Sad. I agree with the pp - introductions need to be very gradual. You could try restarting as if from scratch by separating them and then only allowing them to be together for very short, supervised periods.

I did find Feliway helped when I got a new cat. I used the normal one which you say hasn't worked - I noticed they do a version called 'Feliway Friends' which I had in mind as a second option but fortunately didn't need because my slow intros worked - but it could be worth a try?

Sallylondon · 21/10/2019 17:53

I really think that Macey needs to go back to her old home. It's not fair to expect her to adjust to all that change at her age.
When you say you don't want for her to go back to your dad's place, is there are reason? Is it for your sake that you don't want to be without her, or was he not caring for her properly? You have to consider what is best for the cat.

Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 21/10/2019 17:59

To be honest my dad doesn’t want her, I have asked him if he’d consider having her back. I just want her to be happy, I’d love her to be happy here, I guess yes for selfish reasons but she’s always been my cat. The vet seems to think she has some hip problems, I’m using metacam as of today but I just think she wasn’t very happy the vet pulled her leg in that way to be honest!!
Before I even moved I asked my dad if he’d consider keeping her because of the baby I was expecting but he said no. Is it the general consensus that my cat will never be happy here?

OP posts:
Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 21/10/2019 18:00

Sorry forgot to mention, the meeting was very gradual with her and Rome. We even made break through at one point and they were co-sleeping on my bed together. Then the past few days everything has just gone south again. I’m really worried about her, everything I’ve done I have tried to make her happier I want everyone to bare in mind.

OP posts:
ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens · 21/10/2019 18:02

To be honest, a kitten would be easier to rehome than a 9 year old cat with hip problems, and a kitten would probably adjust more easily, so if you have to rehome one of them, I would rehome Rome.

Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 21/10/2019 18:02

Also, sorry, last one!
Macey has lots of escape routes. She’s also allowed outside, and at night I shut Rome away so she has the run of the house. Not out of fear she’ll hurt him because I don’t think she would, purely so she can have some time out from it all.

OP posts:
Sooverthemill · 21/10/2019 18:08

Have you tired feliway friends plugin? How many litter trays do you have ( vets advise one more than you have cats, so you need 3).? Try a very gradual reintroduction. Get them eating meals near each other but separate ( we got a kind of curtain thing).

I think you probably made a mistake having so many changes all at once for Mackey who is feeling very vulnerable. We have had 3 new cats in last 2 years ( we rescued an old cat who died and another who died and now we have a kitten plus two who are age 4 and 5) and they are kind of okay. One of our cats is super friendly with everyone but one is very dry cautious and the new cat has to grovel a bit then it's all okay.

Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 21/10/2019 18:15

Sooverthemill, I have only one litter tray because Macey doesn’t go toilet inside she only goes outside.
I have made a mistake, and I do feel really guilty for it. Didn’t come here for a telling off I came for help! 😔 it’s my first time living alone and owning my own animals so I was just naive in thinking a kitten would cheer her up, obviously won’t be making that mistake again.
They already eat their meals near each other and that isn’t a problem there’s no hissing or aggression then. I kind of came here hoping for a miracle that someone would have a similar experience and some advice on how to make everyone happy but I think it’s just confirmed my fears that I have to rehome one (either Macey back to my dads or Rome to a new home), I’ve just never been a believer of rehoming animals I thought it was cruel. But I guess it’s borderline cruel letting things carry on as they are.

OP posts:
ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens · 21/10/2019 18:17

It might be worth a last try, OP. If they can eat together then there is hope. Try the Feliway Friends plugin.

Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 21/10/2019 18:20

So as I’m writing this, she’s just came and sat on my lap and purring away. Cat’s are so strange 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 21/10/2019 18:21

Already tried the Feliway Friends plug in but I might try the original Feliway see if that works better maybe.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 21/10/2019 19:18

Zylkene might be more effective, if she’s in pain though she’s going to be pretty pissed at the world generally.

Sooverthemill · 22/10/2019 15:44

Wasn't meaning to tell you off! Just a lot of changes for Macey. If you do decide that one needs rehoming, maybe rehome the kitten not Macey as kittens will always find homes and older cats less often and Macey needs you imo a bit more. Such a sad situation

Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 22/10/2019 19:18

It’s really sad, but I agree with you. Macey was here first so Rome should be the one to go, such a shame he’s a lovely little kitten as well. Thanks for your help

OP posts:
EachandEveryone · 23/10/2019 23:22

Can you give it abit more time.

minniemoll · 23/10/2019 23:34

My grumpy old cat (she's 16 now) has had two younger cats (both five months) introduced into the house over the last couple of years, both times it took her several months to stop hissing at them, but she's fine with them now - the older one is her best friend, they sleep together and he seems to generally look after her. The younger one isn't really interested in her, he just wants to sit in my knee all the time, but she tolerates him well now.

Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 24/10/2019 07:57

That gives me hope! By several months how long we talking? Until the kittens themselves had calmed down a lot? Last night she came and sat on my lap whilst the kitten laid down on the sofa next to me, wouldn’t let me stroke her, but that’s progress right?!
Maybe I need to stop panicking and just give it more time @minniemoll

OP posts:
Amicompletelyinsane · 24/10/2019 08:04

I've been hand rearing kittens. My one year old cat pretty much moved out. He came in for food and ran off after. However, I've given him time and space and the ability for cuddles without kittens nearby and now kittens are 11 weeks and he has moved back in
He likes to have spaces where they can't bother him but now shoes interest. A single kitten can be really annoying for an adult cat. Maybe just allow plenty of time for her to adjust. However one of my cats never adjusted to us having a baby and moved in with a neighbour

itshappened · 24/10/2019 08:58

We moved house when I was pregnant with our two cats. They were both very disoriented by the move, much more so than I had expected. We had kept them in one room, with feliway etc, but it took a good month for them to get used to their new surroundings and to start to feel calm again. Then when a few months later I had the baby, one of them in particular was hugely distressed by it. She would only come inside to eat and sleep and kept a very wide berth from us, after previously always being very affectionate and sitting next to us whenever we were home. I felt it was a combination of feeling threatened by all the new baby paraphernalia and then just having all the new sounds and people in the house all the time because of the baby. Her fur went very dull and I was really upset about it. But after a couple of months it did settle down. She still isn't the biggest fan of my toddler, but she is back to being our old cat again. And there is nothing she loves more than the babies nap time! So I would suggest persevering. I know the addition of a new kitten will be complicating matters. But do try and give your older cat as much attention as possible away from the kitten and baby. Pop the feliway back on and give your older cat time and space and as much love and attention as you can. Good luck, hope it works out.

Original poster
MilaMaceyRome · 24/10/2019 09:40

@itshappened @Amicompletelyinsane thanks for telling some successful stories, think we need that at the minute, all been very negative in this house!
I’ve got the feliway plugged back in, gone for the Feliway Classic rather than Feliway Friends (not sure if there is a difference) so hopefully another months worth will calm things down a bit. I’m really surprised she’s stuck around to be honest, that must count for something? 😩😂
Definitely going to give things a bit more time, 6 weeks feels like a long time to us but I guess to her it’s not that long. Doesn’t help that the kitten is so incredibly active, can’t wait to get him using the cat flap and taking the energy outside!!
Thank you again for your comments, definitely made me feel better.

OP posts:
Sooverthemill · 24/10/2019 12:34

I really hope it works out. Let us know

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