Bereavement

[Candymay]

I’m just wondering does anyone ever get over the pain of losing their beloved pet?
My dear cat died suddenly in June and I am still struggling with my feelings about it all. I’m still in shock I think and I think about him- and all the details of the awful last few days- very often.
I still have his brother, a very different personality but we love him dearly too. But I worry a lot about how the loss is for him. He is normally a greedy cat. He used to eat his food quickly and then rush off to try to take his brother’s food. Now he leaves food in his bowl at every meal. He’s still asking for food very often but he’s not finishing it.
The loss is so sad and I can’t believe this has happened and that we are really without him. I can’t believe the awful suffering he went through and I relive it all. I know people have to cope with grief and that loving and loss are a part of life but it’s so painful.
Just wondering how to process it all. I’m in tears again. Sorry for the long post and thanks to anyone who reads it.

Maia (AKAfatty) was put to sleep last August. It was very sad. And I still miss her terribly. But I take great comfort in knowing that it was the right time for her. And that her death was beautiful, peaceful and dignified. She was in my arms and her sister was at her side.
The biggest thing that helped was finding the perfect cat soon afterwards. I'd planned to wait. But the rescue I got Maia from had cheddar, and I knew she was the right cat. She helped fill the gap left and has been brilliant for my remaining cat.
It's horrible but honestly it does get better. I remember Maia with a smile now.

I feel that getting another cat would be very stressful for my remaining boy. They are indoor cats. I’d love more but I don’t want to make his life even sadder. They had never been apart.

My two were exactly the same, and are indoor as well. The rescue told me they were inseparable. They did rely on each other if they were scared or at the vets etc, but they didn't really like each other. Maia was very dominating and Magic was pushed out by her. Cheddar has allowed Magic to absolutely blossom. She's more confident and is definitely the boss now. She's incredibly protective of Cheddar which is lovely too see. Magic was on her own for about 10 days and she really wasn't that happy. As soon as I bought Cheddar into the house I saw Magic visibly relax.

June is still early days for you. We lost our old boy in March and I still get tears pricking when I think about him.

Your other cat is still adjusting too. Maybe he doesn't want to eat as much now he doesn't have his food stealing game to play or maybe saw the old cat as competition for food. Do you mention your old cats name to him? Our younger cat has grieved for our old boy too but the vet advice was to stop mentioning his name around her and to let him slowly fade away. She still curls up in his old bed (I haven't had the heart to chuck it out) but I put a fresh throw on it so his scent will be slowly fading.

Its hard and I'm sorry for you.

@HuggedTheRedwoods
I took your advice and did not mention my lost cats name to him again. It’s still making me cry thinking about it. I think the food habits could partly be because there is no competition but the thing is the other cat would never have touched this ones food. Only ever the other way round.
Every time I cook my cat would normally jump onto the work top and even take things from the pan. Nothing was safe. Now he doesn’t touch anything. He’s completely different and I’m so sad.
@Toddlerteaplease thanks for your advice on both my threads. I wish there was a way to test out having another cat here.

Could you contact a rescue nearby? They might have a suitable cat they could bring for a wee visit? It does sound like your remaining cat is lonely.

I agree with contacting a rescue. One I follow on FB has a little cat they are trying to rehome and they are happy to send her out as a foster with a view to rehoming.

Thank you. I will try rescue centres again but I’ve been told before that the cats need a garden and I don’t have one. I always wanted to rescue cats but I had to buy my two from a stranger on eBay. The one who died had a tail that was broken in two places when I got him home from the people I bought him from. I think he had been shut in a door. It always upset me. He had not been taken to a vet. His tail was always crumpled and I feel terrible that he suffered so much at the end too.