I don't like my cat

[GrandmaSharksDentures]

We have a beautiful 2 yr old spayed female moggy cat who we have had since she was 13 weeks old. She is an outdoor cat (with easy access to indoors whenever she desires) who is (usually) completely toilet trained.

However....
She just is not friendly. She has not interest in any of us except when she wants food. She will eat & then go straight outside again. She will never come to sit in the same room as us. She will let us stroke her but doesn't seem to enjoy it - doesn't rub against us, lean into us as we stroke her & no purring. She will pull away after 1 or 2 touches but doesn't bite us. She will bite our neighbours if they try to stroke her.
She doesn't like people or other cats. We tried putting her in a cattery when we went away but she became very stressed & stopped eating. We went away last week & a neighbour fed her, she soiled the carpet 3 times & soaked the duvet with wee - all between 10-2 one day, despite having a litter tray & access to outdoors.

I grew up with cats & I always loved being around them. I had always looked forward to having a cat who would at least enjoy being stroked & maybe enjoy lap cuddles occasionally. I would love to get another cat but I think that she would not tolerate a new cat at all.
Any ideas how I can build a relationship with my lovely cat?

I've no advice but what a gorgeous cat.

Chew sticks? Fleece lap blankets? None of the little buggers can resist a fleece to milk paddle on.

Some cats are just like that. We've got a very similar one and we got a kitten. Kitten grew up into a gorgeous friendly cat and original cat tried a bit harder!

She looks lovely, what a fluffy tail. Have you tried feliway plugs, if you go away shut the bedroom doors, did your ndn let her go out when you were away, maybe a bit of a protest. I agree about the fleece blanket, does she like playing with toys. The ndn could try stroking her with a da bird instead of their hands, she might find that a bit too much. If all else fails a packet of dreamies usually does the trick.

Don’t blame the cat because she’s not behaving the way you want her to.

But if you feel she’s not for you, rehome her. She’s young and pretty - she’ll be snapped up by someone who isn’t bothered about cuddling and sitting on laps.

Have you tried feliway plug ins. They are supposed to calm down stressed cats.
The other thing I would say is that both our cats have become much friendlier as they got older. Our tortie would have totally ignored me at the age your cat is - now she tries to sit on my knee every time I sit down.

She is beautiful.

I wouldn’t rush into getting another cat, as that may make things worse.

We had a very aloof cat, who only loved our dog! He became more friendly when our dog was PTS.

Our cat was very much as you described, only interested in us when it came to food.

It sounds like she was distressed when you were away, so she must have a bond with you.

Does she like to play? Do you play with her. That may help. Has she always been like this? If the behaviour has got worse could she be in pain?

My cat was very much affection on his terms, he never sat on my lap, would enjoy being stroked but would let you know when he has had enough.

Good luck OP.

We have a cat like this. She rarely ventures indoors, hates being picked up, will absolutely not tolerate sitting on a lap but will allow a few strokes before walking away. Not interested in playing with toys either. We've had a few dirty protests when we've tried to get her off Sheba as she won't eat any other wet food and she's quite tubby!

I often wonder what's the point and wouldn't be that upset if she found another home tbh!

Was she feral or from a feral mum? That may explain her behaviour.

Welcome to cats.

That’s the attraction of them.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. To answer a few questions:

She hates fleece blankets unfortunately
Feliway plug ins sound like a good idea, I'll try those
She has always been like this - well, once she was out of the ultra cute kitten cuddles stage
She has shown no interest in any toys but I will try again with the classic piece of string...!

One of those little laser pens?
Our two are friendly to the point they will want to be in the room with us, accept a stroke along their back or chin but don't sit on our lap.
They don't appreciate being lifted but don't protest (much)

Our male was very shy but loved a laser pen and there's nothing to tangle , swallow or risk getting your hand in the way or teeth'n'claws .

He just sat watching while DH changed the battery "Come on Dad, I want my toy now "

WE just love the cats being there even though they seem to just demand food and the door being unlocked for them.

We also have a disappointingly aloof cat who is v beautiful but not one for snuggling on your lap. Mostly he ignores us unless he requires food which is roughly every 15 mins as far as I can tell.
But I think it is like having a child in that you get what you are given and have to love and accept them just as they are.

Treats.

Stroke her lightly while you give her a couple of them. Eventually she’ll associate stroking with treats and you won’t need to give her them every time you stroke her.

The only unfriendly cats I've ever had were all female! Had lots of cats and ALL of the males have been lovely.

Stroke her lightly while you give her a couple of them. Eventually she’ll associate stroking with treats and you won’t need to give her them every time you stroke her.

Love this idea, will try..!