Questions I have asked my cat(s)! (Light-hearted)

[TheLongRider]

Cat 1 "How many slugs are stuck to you this time?"

Cat 2 "Why won't you use the fecking cat flap?"

Cat 3 "Why are you howling at 1am when no-one else is around?"

Cat 4 "Why are you nipping Cat 2 again?"

Cheddar again. Why do you have to club all over me and make biscuits on my bare skin, just when I need a sleep.

@mrswarthog My bengals life ambition is a pigeon. One flew into the house and I offered it to him but he wasn’t interested.

How can you even call yourself a cat if you don't eat chicken, ham or beef and refuse to drink cream?

Another one to Girlcat "Why do you wake up, come into the study and cry to me every time I'm on the PC for more than 20 minutes, just so I go back into the living room to watch you promptly curl up to go back to sleep" (not on or next to me I should add).

I keep asking my cat if he wants a cat friend.

Why are you shouting at me when your food bowl is two paces away with food in it? You forgot to check, didn't you!

"Sit!"

She will, believe it or not. But only if I have a packet of Dreamies in my hand.

You have free reign of the house except the laundry room (because I know you will go behind the WM and I cannot move it to extract you)

So why is it your mission to get in there when I am doing my damnest to keep you safe ?

Cat :

Do you have a fucking death wish?

You know she's going to give you a slap, don't you?

Do you really want to make me get up and catch you going through the bin again, you greedy little bastard? Yes, I mean you.

Could you not just go to sleep?

What did I do in a previous life to deserve you?

“Why are you meowing at me?”
“Why are you still meowing at me?”
“Seriously, I’ve fed you, petted you and played with you, why are you still meowing at me?”
“So you are just going to follow me around and meow at me all day?”
“Ok, so you are just going to sit and meow at me instead?”
The joys of having a chatty (and spoilt) cat 😂!!!

Also....
“Who is my best boy?”
“Who is my little fluffy bum?”
“Who is my little snuggle buggle?”
“Who is my smooshy
“Who is my big brave cat?” ( after being scared by a spider despite being a prolific hunter!)

These are mostly met by a disdainful “meow”. I think this post has made it clear I really need to stop trying to have conversations with my cat 😂😂😂

Are you trying to kill me?
Normally in the early hours of the.morning when he's lying on the stairs/landing.

His nickname is trip hazard!

What?

What?

Why are you looking at me?

What??

I don't speak fucking cat and I'm not fucking telepathic, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Do you want to go out?

Do you want a 3rd breakfast?

Do you want your shitbox changed? You know that's not my fucking job, don't you? And you are aware of an entire fucking garden out there within which to dump your turds?

What's that? No, behind your other ear?

[whilst struggling with the creature that has now morphed into a land otter] Did you think 'I know what I'll do! I'll go and roll around in the biggest patch of fucking Goosegrass in the world, just so she can have the joy of picking a thousand sticky sucking balls out of my arse fluff'? You fucking did, didn't you? And you're going to go straight back out there and do it again in five minutes, aren't you?

Bastarding DTwatCat.

MitziK - that made me laugh! It could be an exact transcript of what I say to mine when I’m lacking sleep and he isn’t being “my little fluffy bum” and just being a cat instead !!!

@MitziK We can swap Mogs and have the same conversation!

Fluffiest boy comes in covered in the contents of the garden. I'm acutely aware of the changing seasons depending on what I'm brushing out of his fur.

You have paranormal abilities, don’t you? (She sometimes wakes me up at unusual times - say 4am - by simply staring at me)