Could I ask for your shy cat tips and successes, please?

[ShyPussyCat]

I'm adopting a new 9 month old cat who is very shy. He will be joining my existing cat and dog at home - we have always been a two cat household, and sadly my elderly cat had to be PTS a few months ago - we have all been missing him, and want to fill the cat-shaped hole.

The new boy is very used to other cats, but scared of humans. The lovely lady who has been fostering him thinks he was never properly socialised; however, he has built a relationship with her and will play with her.

When we visited him, he stayed in a cat-house for most of the visit and only came out when we were filling in the adoption paperwork (i.e. when our attention was elsewhere).

I am planning to confine him to the study at first (my other animals don't go in there) as it's somewhere I can spend time e.g. working on laptop without focusing on him. I've got him an igloo to hide in, and also bought some of the same toys he'd learned to play with. Obviously, I've bought the brand of litter and food that he's currently using.

I've got some treats so I can reward him when he (hopefully) starts to approach me.

Once he has (hopefully!) gained confidence I will begin the gradual introductions to my other cat and the dog. The dog is elderly and pays no attention to cats but I am prepared for some hostility between the cats, having done cat introductions before!

Can anyone critique my plans, offer suggestions and tips for building the little chap's trust and confidence?

Try chatting softly while you are in there working, so he gets used to your voice being nothing dangerous. Also leave a few treats like Dreamies on the floor, initially close to his favorite spot (most likely under furniture!) and over a few days try putting them a little closer to where you are sitting.

My 2 were ex-feral so had had no social interaction for the first year of their lives, and despite almost a year at the rescue were still incredibly shy and wary so it took me months before I could touch them. Now I have sulks if I don't go cuddling on the bed with Boycat at least 3 times a day, plus sofa time, and strokes of Girlcat as and when she demands a few times of day. Neither will sit on me, and TBH I doubt that Girlcat ever will though I have hopes for Boycat long term.

It's really encouraging to hear how cuddly your two have become, thank you. My elderly cat would never sit on me, though he'd happily sleep on my pillow next to my head - I think some cats just don't.

I have stocked up on Dreamies but hadn't thought of leaving them out for him, so I will try that tip. I can easily chat away and will likely be making a few work phone calls too.

Your plan sounds fine. Make sure he has some safe hiding spots (a cardboard box on its side with a blanket is great, or an igloo bed) but block anything else where he could disappear (open chimney breasts etc.!). Spending some time in his room but ignoring him is a good way to let him get to know you on his terms. And feed him tasty wet food when you're in the room so he associates you with something good!

I adopted my semi feral foster kittens this time last year when they were about 7 months old. The boy has become quite cuddly although he doesn't want to feel held or contained and won't sit on me. He will snuggle up next to me on the sofa and loves a fuss, only on his terms though or he'll run! The girl is more independent and mostly likes to keep her distance but will accept a fuss when she's on her cat tree. Both are lovely and I'm happy to let them set the boundaries.

Do you have kids?

Thanks Viccat. No, I don't have kids - that was one reason I was keen to adopt him, as he needed a home without young children and, with him hiding away, I thought he might well be overlooked in favour of more confident cats and ours seemed like a really good type of home for him.

There are no open chimney breasts (modern house) and there's a sofa he can hide behind as well as the igloo. The study is a similar size and layout to the room he is in in foster, so I thought that would help make the transition easy for him.

Letting him set the boundaries is a really good way of thinking about it!

It's good to hear these positive stories, so thank you both!

I think your plan coupled with the advice above will be a brilliant way forward. If he was a teeny kitten I'd give further guidance about the knooks and crannies to be found in a newbuild house but these shouldn't be a worry at nine months! Pics please ASAP!

I adopted two ex breeding queen s who'd never been socialised. It took about 18 months to settle fully with me. They still freaked with visitors. But we're gaining in confidence. Since Fatty's death. Snorg has become a real social butterfly! It just takes time and patience. But is so worth it.

My new cat adores people and snorg is learning from her.

Thank you, MrsCatE and Toddlerteaplease. We hardly ever have visitors at home, so hopefully my new boy won't be overwhelmed by strange humans.

I will update and post a picture as soon as it's possible. I'm collecting him tomorrow, but anticipating he'll go into hiding very fast. I will put the cat carrier in his new room, open it and leave him to it for an hour or so (food, water and litter will be ready) before I start peeking in to see how he is doing. The walls/floorboards in our house are like paper so I will be able to hear if there's movement in there without disturbing him. I'll be giving my existing cat lots of attention so she doesn't associate the smell of a new cat with being ignored!

Google Jackson Galaxy- US cat behaviourist. He talks about challenge lines the point at which a cat is prepared to peak out and no further. Gently gently encourage them to move the challenge line forward. At their pace and With treats. He has all sorts of fab ideas.

Peek out not peak out

Fatty hid for 8 days when I adopted her. Once I discovered where she was and that she was safe, I left her to it. The foster carer told me she would hide and to make the most of Snorg as when madam appears she'd completely dominate. And she definitely did. She was an absolute diva!!

We got a timid rescue cat at the same age.

She’s scared of everything and everyone. We just left her to it and didn’t try to interact. Just stayed in the same room chatting gently.

3 years on she rules the house and won’t run off when guests here. She’s only just started meowing.

But issues going out as terrified of the other cats (I accompany her outside for walks).

Let her find her way and ensure she has a safe space.

Try Webbox (Sainsburys sell it) - was recommended by RSPCA when I adopted a scardy cat. Just smear a little (not the whole tube) on your fingers, or into a dish, to tempt your new arrival from their hiding place.

Like Toddlertea we adopted a 6yr old ex breeding queen a couple of months ago.

I put her in the ensuite off my study. She spent the first week hiding in a cardboard box. She has gradually been conquering the house room by room!

We got a baby gate for my study so that she always has a dog-free space to retreat from. Though the dog is scared of her!

Your plans sound great. There are some cats that are so feral that they never become properly tame, although will nearly always happily live alongside people. But your boy doesn't sound like one of those.

I have taken on dozens of very shy/semi-feral cats over the years. Probably 85 per cent or so end up very tame indeed. I don't do anything particularly to achieve this other than to give it time and allow them to take things at their own pace. If they are particularly food-driven that does help to speed things up as I offer food from my hands. The only essentials are patience and a cat flap.

This week I have taken six of my 'successes' into our centre for homing. I've had them all a year or so, in which time they've gone from extremely shy/semi-feral to cuddly lap cats. It's very, very difficult to give them up, but they will get more attention in a home with fewer cats, and it will free up more space for me to take some more difficult to home ones. I can't tell you what a wrench it is though and how guilty I feel.

At least when you win with your boy he can stay with you as a lovely, cuddly cat forever ;)

My rescue (failed foster!) didn't respond to anything. Silent and motionless for several days. Then aha! I played with string near him and he couldn't resist. It took a couple of weeks but he is now four months on completely wonderful (even hides from visitors less and less now).

When he came towards me for the first time and chirruped at me for a stroke I sat and wept. I adore him.

And he adores me!

I foster cats and have several of my own.

I would remove anything that he could use to hide in.

I would carry on as you are, working in the study.

I would be the person he associates with feeding, treats and fun.

I would be patient and give him time.

Same here, wildly kitty with bad eye.
We feed her and talked to her, but never approached her.
Took about a month for her to decide it was safe.
Talk about a cuddle muffin.
Once they decide it is safe, they rule the house...

Your stories are really encouraging; thank you so much for sharing them.

My plan for tomorrow is to give my new boy plenty of time by himself to adjust to his new surroundings, while giving lots of attention to my resident girl cat - she won't be anywhere near him, but I'm sure she will smell and sense him even through closed doors, so I will try to fill his arrival with positives for her. I'll spend some quiet time just being 'a presence' (probably Mumsnetting!) after feeding.

I'm in awe of people who foster and rehabilitate cats; it must be so hard to let them go.

Well, he is safely home and has spent the afternoon snuggled deep inside his igloo - I think he might have had a little wander when he was on his own as I heard some little footsteps. Hoping he might eat something overnight, which might make him feel less strange.

Photo when you can. Pleeeeeeese

Im so glad i found this thread. We adopted 2 kitties 3 years ago. They were 6 months and had v little human contact. The boy one now is friendly to us and will nudge/kiss us when he wants food and shows affection, doesnt mind being picked up etc. The girl cat will not let us stroke her or touch her. The only way she will show affection is to DD, on her bunk bed in the evening when noone else is there (i didnt believe dd - she had to film it on her phone!) She will not let Dd ever stroke her or touch her if she is anywhere else in the house, and ignores dd if she goes on her bed during daylight hours!!

Well, he is still hidden away in his igloo. He doesn't seem to have eaten yet. I've got all the time in the world for him to come out - my only concern is that he doesn't seem to have been to the toilet since he arrived 24 hours ago. There's nothing in the tray and I can't see anything on the carpet. It seems unlikely he would go inside his igloo. I hate to think of him holding it in and even more of him damaging his kidneys by not weeing.

Give him time. Our scaredy cat didn’t venture out of a bookshelf for a day, then the room he was introduced to for a week. He took a couple of months to come downstairs! I did worry a bit about him eating/ toileting but cats are good at keeping themselves safe and I reasoned he could probably deal with a day or so. We came in to the room and talked, and didn’t try to coax him.

He’s still a bit of a skitty kitty 3 years on. That’s partly because unfortunately for him, we had a baby a year ago. Skitty kitty is a big NOPE to babies and children. On the plus side, I never have to worry about toddler yanking him about as there is not a chance he’ll ever catch him. He’s super affectionate though (on his terms - not a lap cat. More of a face hugger).

I find we still need feliway, a microchipped catflap and litter tray inside. He gets easily stressed by territory wars and that can either mean vomming or peeing. The items listed help to manage the stress.

I always wonder if he had trauma or whether he’s just highly strung (he was living outside). I think some cats just need a little more kid glove treatment.