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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Bad news :(

22 replies

dinksandbinks · 22/01/2019 12:46

Hi all,

I haven't posted for ages as my phone is crap and with a new baby I haven't had a chance to get on my laptop.

My old boy Binks (not even that old - he's only 10) was rushed to the vet hospital last night, and this morning they told us his kidneys had failed. One is very large, and the other the vet can't find at all. They suspect cancer, and are making him comfortable for now but he's not coming home. I think we will go and see him this afternoon, and depending how he is maybe say goodbye then or tomorrow morning.

I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess it's just to write it down. I have so many thoughts rushing around my head. Could we have prevented it? He was due a health check in November and I didn't make the appointment as he seemed well, my husband was working stupid hours and the baby is a handful. He was looking thin over Christmas but he was eating and drinking and running round as normal. We just didn't give him as much attention as we should have, as the baby took over. Just in the last week he seemed quiet and then last night when we got home he was hiding, and didn't want to eat or drink. Something just wasn't right.

The vet has said he's had some food, and seems comfortable, but his blood results haven't improved despite 12 hours on the drip. I just don't know what to do with myself. I know what we have to do, I just don't know when.

His sister (Dinks - I posted about her weight issues before) is upstairs looking lost. She's never been an only cat and followed him round like a shadow. We've told her what's happening, not that she understands. But it felt like we should do that.

Sorry for rambling. I know you'll understand though. Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 22/01/2019 12:54

I'm so sorry. How upsetting for all. It's often suggested that if a pair of cats are very close it's a good idea to show the surviving cat the body of the other so that they understand. It's worth considering.

Original poster
dinksandbinks · 22/01/2019 13:05

Thank you. It sucks, a lot.

To be honest I'm not sure if I can cope with bringing him home, to take him away again. Do you think it would be awful not to show her? I am just on the improving edge of postnatal depression and I'm not sure I can handle it. I'm meant to be back at work next week, and the baby has just started nursery. All the hard stuff is happening at once :(

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 22/01/2019 13:08

I'm not saying you have to do it. If you can't face it then don't do it. It can stop the survivor continuing to search for the other cat, but no one can really know how much it might help nor what the other cat feels.

ImNotKitten · 22/01/2019 13:12

I’m so sorry. How devastating for you. At least you know you have given him the chance on a drip. As long as he isn’t suffering, make sure you have him PTS at the time you feel is right.

You may want to consider following thecatneuterers advice and allowing his sister to see him. If you do that, you might like to know that most pet crematoriums allow you to take your pet directly to them. You could bring him home for an hour or so before taking him to the crematorium if you feel you could manage that. You also get the ashes back much sooner this way, either the same day or next day IME.

TheLongRider · 22/01/2019 13:32

Flowers It's never easy.

Some cats are very good at hiding that they're ill until it's too late. That's not a reflection on you. Sometimes we don't want to give a cat what seems like an unnecessary check, particularly if getting them to the vets stresses them out.

I would second the advice about letting his sister see/sniff him. Our cats have always benefitted from that especially if they're close. She might be more distressed and go looking for him if she doesn't know.

It will be upsetting for everyone in your family and don't feel that you can't grieve for him because "He was only a cat". Remember the good times.

Original poster
dinksandbinks · 22/01/2019 13:40

Thanks everyone. He hates the vet, it's a half hour drive and whenever we take them they both get non-recognition aggression and spend a week hissing at each other. So that was definitely part of the decision not to take him for his health check. I'm just using the hindsight to beat myself up.

I'm going to talk to my husband about bringing him home to see Dinks. If we both do it I think I could cope. Though given that she gets the non-recognition stress when he smells of the vet I'm not sure shed know it was her Binks if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Original poster
dinksandbinks · 22/01/2019 13:43

We have so many brilliant memories. Like him snuggling on my baby bump before my son was born. And trying to steal £500 when I was doing a charity's accounts, because it was tied up with an elastic band; he would wait for the post in case the postman delivered an elastic band too.

He got me through four house moves and three relationships. He is the best cat.

OP posts:
knockknockknock · 22/01/2019 13:49

Could the vet not come and put him to sleep at your home as he hates the vets so much? Would also give your other cat a chance to see him.

TheLongRider · 22/01/2019 13:51

I had the hissing too when they came back from the vet, BUT when he saw his brothers body he stuck his head in and gave him a sniff then walked off. Some cats won't seem interested at all but I think it does bring closure.

Some cats have definitely mourned and one took over as my mog. He saw as his job now that my my cat had gone.

I love cat stories, my mother still tells tales of cats that are 40 years dead. There's a reason why cat YouTube videos are so popular.

Toddlerteaplease · 22/01/2019 14:12

I took my cats sister to the vets with her when she was PTS. It really helped Maia to feel safe and it was a lovely memory of her climbing into magics basket while we waited for the vet. Magic sniffed her and summer to know.

Toddlerteaplease · 22/01/2019 14:14

I didn't realise how sick my girl was either. I thought her weight loss was due to her heart disease. Never imagined she would die of kidney failure.

Original poster
dinksandbinks · 22/01/2019 14:29

He’s already at the vets, I’m loathe to move him while he’s so unwell. He’s stable on the drip but they said without it he will decline quickly and I wouldn’t want him to suffer for one second.

I’ll see if my husband can work from home to help me bring him home afterwards. It does sound like it might help Dink’s, but I couldn’t do it alone 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
dinksandbinks · 22/01/2019 14:32

Thank you all for your kind words, I’m so grateful.

The vet said kidney failure is silent for the most part, it’s horrid that we can’t tell early enough that they could be saved.

In Binks’ case the vet strongly suspects cancer, so maybe there was nothing that could have been done anyway.

This is such a sh*t day. I’m so glad to have support here, even though I’m not a regular poster

OP posts:
Duckduckduck123 · 22/01/2019 14:40
Flowers
Original poster
dinksandbinks · 23/01/2019 20:28

I couldn’t bring him home in the end. I wanted to, but the thought of having another goodbye was too heartbreaking.

He went to sleep in my arms and we gave him lots and lots of kisses and cuddles. He looked so tired 😢

Dinks has seemed OK most of the day but just now when I went to give her some wet food I did the usual spoon-on-bowl summoning and she kept looking around, out to the hallway as if waiting for him to come for dinner. I feel so guilty for not giving her the chance to say goodbye but I genuinely didn’t think I could cope with it even if it did go well, and it wasn’t guaranteed. I’ve hardly stopped crying all day. Ugh this sucks.

Sorry for the verbal diarrhoea. My head is a mess.

OP posts:
TheLongRider · 23/01/2019 20:32

You're fine here. Cats do leave a hole in your life. It's ok to be upset.

Be kind to yourself, you did your best by him by making sure he was cared for at the vets.

Original poster
dinksandbinks · 23/01/2019 20:54

Thank you. It’s only just sinking in, so it’s starting to really hurt. He was just so brilliant. I’ve had him since before I even met my husband, and he’s been with me through so so so much and always seemed to know when I needed him, and loved his cuddles so much. He was my cat soulmate!

OP posts:
MrsCatE · 24/01/2019 09:40

Flowers so sorry. He obviously had a happy home and knew he was loved.

AlpacaPicnic · 25/01/2019 22:59

I'm so sorry. I lost my Jeffy to kidney failure last week and on the day it was horrible obviously, but we were with him when he went and gave him lots of cuddles and sobbed afterwards. His brother Matty hasn't seemed to notice much and he's getting lots of fusses.

Then today I was in the cat food aisle of the supermarket and looked at the big value boxes of food and almost had a meltdown. I felt so daft. Everyone has been so lovely though, nobody has said 'its only a cat' and my boss said if I needed to go and get some fresh air or anything, to just go. I was doing ok until I saw that box if food :(

Original poster
dinksandbinks · 26/01/2019 07:57

Oh Alpaca I’m sorry you lost your boy too :( It’s the little things isn’t it? We had a little rhyme “In the sink for Mr Binks” as he liked to drink water from the drippy tap. I went to turn the drip on for him last night and then remembered :(

Dinks seems ok without him tbh, she’s just extra cuddly, even braving the baby to come for a cuddle. But she’s eating and drinking well so I don’t think she’ll pine.

When is too soon to think about another cat? I could never ever replace Binks but Dinks is lonely, and I’m about to go back to work so she will be on her own a lot more than she’s used to :(

OP posts:
AlpacaPicnic · 26/01/2019 08:03

(((hugs for you and Dinks)))

I can't think about another cat now but it might be worth visiting your local rescues to see if there is maybe an older cat who needs some company and seeing if Dinks likes any of them?

TheLongRider · 26/01/2019 09:57

It's whenever you think you're ready for a new cat. Some cats enjoy being only cats and some like the company of another cat.

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