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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Unaffectionate cat

14 replies

lisalisa · 17/12/2018 22:27

Back story - out Cat found us and started hanging around our back door . Eventually we stated feeding her . Tried lots to find her owners including local vet , Facebook pages , posters up and local WhatsApp groups but nothing . So we’ve adopted her . At first she was really affectionate but we are wary of becoming too attached in case we found her owner so we just petted her a bit and talked to her but nothing more . She was constantly trying to get on our laps and following us around and running against us and we reciprocated of course so as not to upset her but did t go overboard
Now she’s ours it seems v different . We try to put her on our Laps or pick her up or pet her but she jumps down , arches her back or just walks away . Sounds silly but it’s heartbreaking as before I was used to working with her lying across my lap or in my toes but now she won’t go near me and same for the kids. She just seems to eat sleep and go out . Anyone experienced this or have any ideas?

OP posts:

ItIsChristmasTime · 17/12/2018 22:29

Have you taken her to the vet to be checked over and make sure she isn’t in pain or something? A complete personality change like that would concern me.

Original poster

lisalisa · 17/12/2018 22:42

I need to take her to the vet anyway shortlybfor her second flea treatment and working and vac. It’s not a complete personality change but is is noticeable

OP posts:

gamerchick · 17/12/2018 22:45

She's got you under her thumb and simply doesnt have to try anymore.

That's the crux of it. You are in slave land, no effort required.

Original poster

lisalisa · 17/12/2018 22:47

I thought so gamerchick too but I’ve read so much about Cat ownership and most seem to like affection and sit on their owners laps etc . She just seems to tolerate us

OP posts:

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/12/2018 22:49

It's just what cats do isn't it? Worm their way in with the needy, sad, neglected, unloved act and then once they're confident of their place - WHAM!! - you get treated with utter contempt. Occasionally you'll get a snippet of affection and be grateful for it, often enough to be convinced they love you really.

If my husbanded treated me the way my cat does I'd have divorced him by now!!!

Seriously though, do mention it to the vet.

dementedpixie · 17/12/2018 22:53

My 2 aren't really lap cats although 1 likes to hang out with ds sometimes. They tolerate affection on their own terms

gamerchick · 17/12/2018 22:53

When ours come into our lives she was exactly the same as yours and one day when she was settled and comfortable she just treated us with total distain and 3 years on she's the same. Does what she wants, makes her demands and turns her back when she's got what she wanted. Mine when we give her her 3 monthly drop on she actually turns around and swears at us. I know you cunt in cat language.

I may get a rub and cherrups when I'm sitting on the toilet and if you're lying on a bed she'll come and sit close but a lap cat she ain't. Not all of them are.

Santaispackinghissleigh · 17/12/2018 22:58

Our dcats are 6 now and no longer allow us more than a fleeting stroke.. Unless we are eating vegetables then they adore us!

gamerchick · 17/12/2018 23:01

In fact, when mine comes up on the settee and sits close to me I know she's feeling poorly and usually means I've got a vets bill to pay. When she's feeling better I get the cold shoulder again.

Theyre little gits really when you think about it.

TheNavigator · 17/12/2018 23:04

They are alpha predators- bear that in mind & it makes sense. They have a secure home now, so don't make an effort - they are at the apex of the power pyramid.

sweetkitty · 17/12/2018 23:09

One of mine hates most people, he would sit up on the kitchen wall units and scowl at us. When he got to about 15 he turned into the most affectionate cat ever though think he went senile.

MaGratgarlik1983 · 18/12/2018 23:32

I met my cat when he was six and had been abandoned. He was so scared and took a long time to trust. Then he got very affectionate for a bit but bit you randomly if the hug went on for longer than his specified time. The vet just said that he's a lovable git! Which is true! Now he's 14, he's a bit more cuddly, but looks embarrassed about it and still never sits on our laps. Cats are like people, some are less tactile, but they show their love differently. Mine never lap sits but he gives me slow blinks and wraps his tail over me, which is way more intimate for him. Dont worry, just show your cat your love. And perhaps buy some dreamies.

Ski37 · 19/12/2018 19:43

Mine will sit on my lap for hours on end but it has to be on his terms only (and usually when it is most inconvenient for me). If I ever try to pick him up and put him on my lap he will run off immediately and ignore me for ages afterwards. I think they just like to show us who is in charge!

JellySlice · 19/12/2018 21:01

You may be looking at her too much.

Direct stares are challenging or threatening to cats. That's why they appear to be so contrary by liking people who dislike them. They do this because a human way of indicating dislike is to half-close your eyes and turn away. In cat-speak that is a non-threatening welcome.

So, when you did not want to get too attached to her, you probably looked at her less, and gave comfortable signals.

Now that you feel invested in her, you probably look directly at her a lot more, which makes her feel less comfortable.

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