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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Is it feasible to get a cat when grandparent is cat phobic?

46 replies

barnet · 12/12/2018 22:47

We would love a cat. But DHs mum has a phobia of cats, and visits us 5 or 6 times a year for a few weeks at a time (we live in different countries). She has told the kids she would not come and visit them if we had a cat. Could we feasibly keep the cat in eg our upstairs bedroom when she came to stay, if there was a cat flap in there to the balcony? My childhood cats were athletic, and would have been able to scale a fence up to the balcony, but I don’t know whetherthat’s typical. Is there another way of keeping the cat out of a visitors way?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 12/12/2018 22:48

She will have to stay elsewhere.

Original poster
barnet · 12/12/2018 22:54

MIL or the cat?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 12/12/2018 22:58

MIL. Grin
You can’t send a cat away for weeks at a time. And old cats and kittens can’t leap off balconies.
No cat or no MIL.

Original poster
barnet · 13/12/2018 07:24

😤. Has anyone dealt with someone with cat phobia in the family? Is there any hope?

OP posts:
mistermagpie · 13/12/2018 07:33

I have two cats and already had two cats when I met DH so it wasn't up for discussion. Most of DHs family hate cats but his father is particularly averse to them. I don't really do anything about it apart from be quite glad they don't visit much! When they do visit I try and keep the cats out of their way but I don't go overboard, this is the cats home.

Not a true phobia in our case though.

HeffalumpsDaughter · 13/12/2018 07:35

Is she genuinely terrified or does she just dislike cats? How does she cope if she sees one in the street?

ElfOnTheShelfAteMyJoy · 13/12/2018 07:39

Is it a true phobia or just general dislike? What happens if she sees one? I had proper arachnophobia, I couldnt even see or hearthe 'spider' word with out it affecting me, I had some EMDR and graded exposure therapy as I didn't want to pass on my phobia to my child, or pass out when l was alone with him- as this was the extent of mine! (Mine was related to an actual event though!)

sashh · 13/12/2018 07:41

Do you have a friend / neighbour who likes cats? I had one that was equally at home at my parents as it was at mine. If I was a way she just went to their house.

You would have to introduce the cat to the 'other' house early but it can be done.

I lodged in a house once where the cat had a series of shelves outside into the owner's bedroom, I hardly saw the cat so there are options.

ScreamingValenta · 13/12/2018 07:41

You can't shut a cat away for that length of time - it will be unhappy and spend its time scratching the door trying to get back to its human family.

It's really a case of how severe your MIL's phobia is and whether she would consider seeking treatment for it (or trying to overcome it herself if it isn't too severe); and whether you value the idea of a family cat above your MIL's intended visits.

EvaHarknessRose · 13/12/2018 08:04

My friend’s dad is allergic to them and they got one - but they feel v guilty that he can’t stay now.

Original poster
barnet · 13/12/2018 08:55

Thanks for the replies. sashh, do you mean the cat could climb up the shelves into the bedroom?
Elf did your therapy work that so you would feel comfortable in a house where you knew there was a spider?
I don’t know whether MIL has a true phobia, she says she feels terrified if a cat startles her. But her husband used to leave food for a cat on their balcony, so I want to beleive there is hope.
If the cat wore a bell it couldn’t startle her🤔

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 13/12/2018 10:06

I'd get a cat and sod the MIL. I'm really annoyed that my parented are going to shut their cat in the conservatory while my sisters MIL is over for Christmas as she doesn't like cats. It's his house. She needs to suck it up or not come!

JaretsGirlfren · 13/12/2018 10:12

I used to be scared of cats but my exh brought home a stray one day. She very quickly became my baby and when I left him I took the cat!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 13/12/2018 10:29

I agree with Toddler. If anyone doesn't like Harry they don't have to visit!

Knittink · 13/12/2018 10:39

My grandmother was cat phobic and we had a cat. GM lived a few hours away. When we visited GM, neighbours looked after our cat. When GM came to us the cat went to a cattery for a few days. No way would we have been able to successfully keep the cat and GM apart in the house.

KittensAndChristmasCake · 13/12/2018 10:52

I'd get a cat and sod the MIL

Me too 😆

She can't dictate to you what pets you're allowed when she only comes a few times a year.

But if she must come it's not impossible to train a young cat to come in/out of an upstairs window/balcony. My SIL chucks their cats out at night but they climb up the back wall where my nephew lets them in through the window to his bedroom 😂

Wolfiefan · 13/12/2018 11:56

If a cat startled her? Doesn’t sound phobic at all.
If you want a pet then get one. Surely she can stay somewhere else? Or would she not come and see you if she wasn’t getting free bed and board?

PoisonousSmurf · 13/12/2018 11:58

Get the cat! Never pussy foot around relatives, it's your house, you rules, your pets!

gamerwidow · 13/12/2018 12:02

Get the cat you cant let someone who doesn’t live their dictate what pets you have. She can either stay somewhere else when she visits or deal with it.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 13/12/2018 12:05

Don't get a cat. Get two. They're much more fun in pairs : )

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 13/12/2018 12:08

Don't get a cat. Get two. They're much more fun in pairs : )

I came on to say exactly this Xmas Grin. I would not be impressed that she is essentially blackmailing your children. Saying if they get a pet she wont visit them is bloody cruel.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 13/12/2018 12:57

Get the cat and tell MIL to man up Smile.

Original poster
barnet · 13/12/2018 17:44

Thank you for all the opinions. Cat 10: MIL 2😁I like the idea of getting 2 cats but that really would make life complicated😁

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 13/12/2018 17:47

With my vote it's now Cat 11: MIL 2. You are though asking in The Litter Tray, which is likely to have a rather more biased view than say AIBU.

Ragwort · 13/12/2018 17:51

What is your DH's view? I really dislike staying anywhere that has a cat as a pet and would choose to stay in a hotel if I was visiting friends or family that had a cat; my DH is allergic to cats and cannot even be in the same room as a cat - but that does not mean that our friends and family shouldn't have pets.