Advice re new rescue cat please

[MargotLovedTom1]

We adopted a little 3 year old and brought her home last weekend. She's still finding her feet (paws!) and is quite nervous but that's to be expected. The problem is she REALLY dislikes DH. She's bitten him, scratched him and is on high alert when she hears his voice and will run and hide if particularly spooked. I've got a Feliway plugged in but haven't noticed any discernible difference.
I've been in touch with the foster carer and she said they didn't really have many men coming to the house so couldn't say whether it's an anti-man thing, and not much is known about her history. She's on a two week trial and I don't know what to think. I don't want her living somewhere where she's going to be stressed.
Anyone with experience of a similar situation and did it resolve? I realise it's very early days.

Give it time and try pet remedy. I found it much more effective than feliway. One of mine never really came round to men in the house. And was still easily spooked. It can take months for them to fully settle.

It's only been a couple of days. Is your H a loud/big man? Cats don't like sudden or loud movements or sounds. Tell your man not to try to be friends with the cat, but to wait for it to go to him when/if it wants to. Get some cat treats and let your H offer them to the cat (whilst H is sitting quietly)

It does take a long time for animals to adjust where there has been abuse. Sometimes the animal never will like men at all, others will get to know a man that they live with and learn to trust him, but still not like other men much.
I suggest that your DH is the one who puts food down for her, calling her in a gentle voice, so that she starts to associate him with nice things. Might take months for her to get to like him, but hopefully she will relax a bit before then. Good luck.

We adopted a stray kitten who, 2 years on, remains quite wary of dh. Dh is convinced the kitten was abused by a man before he found us, but I am not so sure as the kitten (well, cat, now) is fine with my grown up sons. I think maybe dh is a bit loud for the cat, coupled with a deeper voice.

Can you get your dh to try just sitting very quietly with the cat, making no approach, not making eye contact which cats can find threatening. Let the cat approach him, if she wants to, but he must keep his voice as quiet as possible. See if that makes a difference?

Don't know if it will help, but get DH to feed her as much as possible with no pressure initially, ie no fuss, just feed and walk away. She might start to favour him if he's a major feeder in her life.

My rescue boy came to live with me a couple years ago aged 4 years old. He was nervous of people in general and especiallt men after being abused by a man. He hid for almost 2 weeks we left food, changed his litter, spoke quietly and have him clothing of my OHs to try and get him used to the smell. We then began leaving treats and rewarding him when he came out. Slowly but surely he began trusting us and after about a month or so he was like a different cat! He is now the most affectionate, loving cat I've ever had. Be patient x

Give it time - one of our rescues was terrified of men.

On the day she arrived she hid until I came home and for months she was nervous of DH. He fed her every day and was just very calm and quiet around her.

She now adores him and sits and squeaks at him until he picks her up.

Echo Lynne re loud men. My rescue male cat (mother was feral) freaks out at loud blokes but prefers men in general. He loves MrCat but barely tolerates me. Sigh.

I had a cat who bit and scratched everyone. Thing is, she was very cute looking, so her aggression was really unexpected and a shock to people when it happened. I just used to warn people in the end, so if they tried to win her over and she struck, they only had themselves to blame.

Thanks for replies. Funnily enough, we've had a breakthrough tonight in that she came and lay on the arm of the sofa next to him and then had a Lick-e-lix off his fingers. I think she's just getting used to him. He's not loud at all (and isn't even a cat person so doesn't mind if she ignores him tbh ). Cautiously optimistic! I love her to bits already; she follows me around like a little shadow.