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Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

What's best for my cat in this situation?

11 replies

NordicNobody · 11/07/2018 22:31

Basically I got my cat about 5 years ago when I was single and no DC. I didn't get her from a rescue but I did rescue her - the woman I took her off had very badly abused her. She was about 2 when I got her and had already had several litters of kittens, crawling with flees, scared of everything, skin and bone etc. With a lot of very expensive vet trips and tlc she returned to full health, but she's never been a cuddly cat. That was fine with me, she would often sleep in my bed, she just didn't like to sit on laps and be stroked.

In time I met my dp and we had our son. When DS arrived she seemed quite unhappy and hid a lot. Then my dp got offered a job abroad and we decided to move. Original plan was to take my cat but the process was very expensive (over £1000) and she would have had to spend a month in quarantine in the middle of a very bitter Scandinavian winter. My mother lives in a lovely quiet little cottage in the countryside and offered to look after her through the winter while we got settled. Anyway, one thing led to another and she ended up staying with my mother for our whole time abroad (1.5 years).

We're now returning to England, expecting dd in October, and will be living very close to my mother for about 6 months before moving somewhere else in England for dps next job (which will hopefully be permanent). I miss my cat a lot. The plan was never to rehome her. In a perfect world I'd take her back once we're based back in England. But would that be best for her? I feel like she's been through a lot of upheaval and stress in her life and she's happy at my mums. My mum loves her and is happy to keep her permanently. Her home is quiet without any small children trying to stroke her. It's safe, in a little village with a big garden. I love my cat and want her back but want to do what's best for her. What would you do?

OP posts:
YesItsMeIDontCare · 11/07/2018 22:35

Honestly? I would leave her with your mum. Been there, done that. I missed the furry buggers, but I did visit a lot so still saw them lots and they were happy and settled there. I eventually got 2 cats of my own and accepted T&C had become Mum's.

Iwillorderthefood · 11/07/2018 22:36

I think you know the answer really, as heart breaking as that might be for you. I would be the same as you, but from the outside I think it’s clear that your cat should really stay with your mum. Of course you could play it by ear and see what she is like around you, I would want her back too.

ImAGoofyGoober · 11/07/2018 22:38

I would leave her with your mum if she’s happy there. Sorry, I know it will be hard but you have to put her needs first.

Vinorosso74 · 11/07/2018 22:39

I think it's probably better for her to stay with your mum especially with two small children in your home. I know it's hard but you know she's loved and cared for plus you can still see her (although I understand that may be hard).

37KAT · 11/07/2018 22:50

Another vote for leave her be. It sounds like she is having a nice peaceful life with your mother. Even the most chilled out cats get fed up with unwanted attention and noise from DC.
Perhaps you could adopt another cat from a shelter once you're settled. If it's an older cat you'll see its personality and know if it's suited to your family.

buckingfrolicks · 11/07/2018 23:14

leave with your mum, sorry but that's best for her, as she will hate life with your DC, probably. (probably lovely for your mum to have her too)

Dodie66 · 11/07/2018 23:47

How old are your DC? I would leave her with your Mum and maybe get another cat for your family. If the children are really young I would wait a while though. It’s not fair on. Cat getting pulled around by young children

Want2beme · 12/07/2018 00:19

She's spent 1 & a half years away from you, with your DM, in a home where she's settled. As your mum's happy to keep her, you should leave her there where she doesn't have to deal with more stress.

NordicNobody · 12/07/2018 00:19

Sad Yes you're all right, it's what my gut was telling me. She does have a wonderful life with my mum who is very happy to have a cat around again. My son is about to turn 2 and my daughter will arrive in October, so a toddler and a newborn - not what cat's like. Especially non cuddly cats with a traumatic past. You're totally right about waiting until the kids are older as well before getting another cat. I'll be very sad to let her go though. I got her at a very difficult time in my life and there were points when she was the only thing keeping me going. But she'll have a lovely home at my mums and I know in my heart that she'll be happiest there. We do visit pretty often as well, even more so now we're moving back, so will still see her (weeps quietly). Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
OnTopOfSpaghetti · 12/07/2018 21:09

You're definitely doing the right thing by the cat, best decision but hard for you.

Ginkypig · 13/07/2018 01:24

Your absolutely doing the right thing letting her stay with your mum.

The thing about love is you want what's best for the person/pet even if that isn't the best for you.

I know it's hard for you but you want your cat to have the best life possible and you know that your home isn't.

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