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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

We have a cat. I feel like a terrified new parent.

59 replies

dameofdilemma · 08/05/2018 14:30

We have a (grown up, spayed, vaccinated, gentle) cat. I've never had a pet or been around animals.

Dp and dd wanted a cat, dp is looking after it and showing dd how to but sometimes I'll be home alone with it. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do apart from feed it.

The cat follows us around meowing. I have eczema so can't handle it/stroke it much or have it on my lap.
Yesterday it curled up next to me and fell asleep while I made soothing noises. I tiptoed out trying not to wake it. It woke up and followed me meowing until I sat with it again.

We can't let it outside for a few weeks so maybe once it can venture out it'll stop looking so forlorn.

I tried playing with it but it wasn't interested in any of the toys we bought it. It ignores its cat bed too and instead sleeps in front of the fish tank.

This feels harder than when dd was a baby!

OP posts:
InTheGhetto · 09/05/2018 00:29

Sorry if I'm being stupid, but why does having eczema mean you can't stroke the cat? I get eczema and am multiallergic, but that doesn't stop me virtually snogging the cat! It's not because you think you'll need to wash your hands whenever you've touched him, is it? Sad
Congrats on the adorable-sounding cat, anyway!

8oOoOoOo8 · 09/05/2018 01:25

Google and binge watch Jackson Galaxy videos on YouTube ( cat care and understanding ones, not My Cat FromHell.

He'll teach you loads.

8oOoOoOo8 · 09/05/2018 01:27

Start here

m.youtube.com/watch?v=KEbtXkd2XF4

sashh · 09/05/2018 06:18

Mines like to be with a human. She sleeps on my bed, wakes me up if I oversleep (ie not awake before 6am) follows me from room to room, although recently she has allowed me to use the toilet and have a bath on my own.

Original poster
dameofdilemma · 09/05/2018 09:16

It's like learning to be a parent all over again....

OK a few questions:
He seems to be quite unhappy in the mornings, meowing a lot (dp tells me he's crying :( , wandering from room to room. He doesn't seem to want to be stroked. He seems desperate to go outside (stands meowing at the glass doors to the garden) but we've been told to keep him in for 4 weeks.

Later in the day he seems to settle down, less meowing, likes to be stroked/belly tickled then falls asleep in favourite chair.
Does he forget where he is overnight so has to re-settle every morning?

Also, he keeps jumping on the dining table and kitchen units - we've gently picked him up and put him back down. Will he eventually stop doing it or do we need to train him (is that even possible?).

He'll be alone in the house till dd comes home from school...will he be ok alone?

He was so affectionate when I came home from work last night but this morning didn't seem very happy...maybe once he can go outside he might be happier?

OP posts:
TimeIhadaNameChange · 09/05/2018 09:25

He's taken my favourite living room chair. I've deferred and moved. I am pathetic. - That's not being pathetic, that's just known as training, as well as him exerting his authority. He realises it's your favourite, so therefore there must be something special about it, so, therefore, it is his favourite. And since everything in the house now belongs to him, including the humans, he has every right to sit there.

I had a two-seater sofa which was old. DP thought I should get a reclining single chair like his, but I wanted another sofa. I was going to get an armchair, but knew I'd be on the floor, but wanted something smaller than a double, so got a 1.5 seater chair, stupidly thinking that I'd get the 1, and DCat would get the .5. As I said, stupid. Sometimes I'm allowed a quarter of the 1, but it often means I have to balance precariously along the edge of the seat. Or squish myself into and end (cushions are very good at reserving a small space for me, I have found!). DCat, obviously, is stretched out fully.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 09/05/2018 09:33

He's likely pissed off that he's had to hear the Dawn Chorus without being allowed to go and hunt any of the yummy-sounding birds that have woken his hunting instinct. He probably will be happier when he can go out and chase them. Remember, he's also been snoozing overnight so he's full of energy first thing. Think of a toddler who's been housebound for a day. Same thing.

He's not crying, he's just checking everything, and everyone, is in its rightful place. My cat's miaow often sounds as if she's upset, but it's just her miaow.

Some cats can be taught that they're not allowed to jump up in certain places, but mostly the humans are taught that cats will do what they want and they'll just clean up after them. Your cat may learn not to do it when you're in the vicinity, but he may not care.

He'll be fine alone. You could, maybe, leave a radio on but we never did. If you can have a play session with him before you go out that may tire him out, but he'll make his own fun. He's still new, so I'm sure there's lots of exploring to do!

He really doesn't sound at all unhappy. If he were he'd be hiding away somewhere, not strutting around exerting his authority and allowing you to stroke him. Just carry out doing what you're doing.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/05/2018 09:56

Mornings are going out checking territory time but he’ll just have to stay in till he knows where home is.

Original poster
dameofdilemma · 09/05/2018 10:24

Thanks all - I quite literally don't know what I'm doing. Dp is more relaxed and dd is just excited but I'm fretting.

When we go on holiday is it better to get someone to come in and feed him or to use a cat hotel (if they exist?)?
Ideally our neighbour will do it (and we'll reciprocate) but they might be away too.
Not for a couple of months but just thinking ahead.

OP posts:
Papergirl1968 · 09/05/2018 10:29

Loving this thread.
Op, just think of your cat as having an iron fist in a velvet glove.
You have a new furry overlord. Resistance is futile Grin

dementedpixie · 09/05/2018 10:29

Last year we got a cat sitter who came in twice a day to feed the cats and clean the litter tray. Seemed to work ok. Haven't used a cattery (cats are only 1 and a half). My cats tend to come upstairs when we go to bed but don't usually sleep on a bed. One lies in the hall and the other under the clothes airer. They go downstairs with us in the morning

dementedpixie · 09/05/2018 10:31

Mine also miaow at the back and front doors but it's just because they want out. If it's past their curfew at night then we have to tell them they can't go back out and then have to distract them as they can be noisy!

Original poster
dameofdilemma · 09/05/2018 10:40

demented - am thinking a cat sitter too. At least then he'll be in his own home.

I thought cats liked to prowl outside at night but I think we'll need to lock the cat flap overnight as there are foxes in the vicinity.

Am also hoping he gets on ok with the neighbourhood cats who seem to like sitting in our garden.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 09/05/2018 10:44

Cats are crepuscular rather than nocturnal so are more active at dusk and dawn. Mine sleep all night and are fairly active during the day (in among the naps!).

There are a couple of cats we have seen in the garden plus a couple of times in the house but there doesn't seem to be aggression or fights

TimeIhadaNameChange · 09/05/2018 10:45

Another vote for a cat sitter. If your neighbours aren't around than maybe a local teenager for cash, especially one who can be persuaded to stay a while to give him some company. Whenever I've looked after friends' cats I'd sit down and read, or put the tv on with a cuppa so that I wasn't just running in and out the house.

littlewoollypervert · 09/05/2018 10:46

Cat sitter always feels better to me

  • less stress for the cat, as still at home
  • less stress for you, as you don't have to wrangle the cat into a carrier
  • house gets checked daily as a side effect

And if you can do a reciprocal arrangement then it costs less (although me and my aunt do nice pressies for each other at the end of any catsitting we do for each other)

Allergictoironing · 09/05/2018 10:50

Catteries certainly exist, and they range from basic to 5* (like human hotels), with costs in general proportional to quality. But for many cats if you have reliable neighbours or family, they tend to prefer staying at home where it's familiar - cats tend not to like change, they are animals of routine.

You might try playing with him first thing rather than stroking & petting, he's probably full of energy & raring to go hunt something. A quick session with Da Bird or similar may help him settle a bit.

My DSis has eczema and handling her cats doesn't affect it BTW. There is very little that's more soothing than stroking a purring cat, and there are proven health benefits Smile

I notice you've gone from referring to "it", to referring to "him" Grin.

HesterShaw · 09/05/2018 10:52

OP when we got our new cat from the rescue shelter she was five months old. My old family cat - well my parents' cat who we'd had since I was 12 - had recently died and at the time I thought I would never like her. She seemed so needy in comparison and during her first two nights she would just wander round meowing in a confused and worried fashion. She didn't purr, didn't want to be stroked, just seemed incredibly unsettled. It didn't last long though. She's 15 now and we absolutely adore her and dreading the day she's no longer with us.

Be patient with your cat - she just hasn't settled in yet. It can take time. Good luck :)

LanaorAna2 · 09/05/2018 11:06

It can be good for them to have a bit of time on their own alone in their new home so they can check it out and find favourite private places.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/05/2018 11:29

I keep mine in overnight so he doesn’t get run over or killed by the uk cat killer.

He’s always had a curfew.

Original poster
dameofdilemma · 09/05/2018 11:58

Does anyone know why he would reject his comfy cat bed or favourite rug on the sofa for sleeping next to the toilet??

The eczema fear is because I've had a bad reaction to both dogs and cats in the past, generally long haired ones though and our cat is short haired so hopefully will be ok.

Will try playing in the morning. The fabric mice have a loop so will tie string to it and run around - or better yet get dd to!

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/05/2018 12:00

Does anyone know why he would reject his comfy cat bed or favourite rug on the sofa for sleeping next to the toilet??

He might be hot? Or, he might be a cat.

dementedpixie · 09/05/2018 12:02

Mine have rejected all cat beds I've bought but will sleep in the cat tree. Shoe boxes are a hit though so try leaving a couple of them about.

dementedpixie · 09/05/2018 12:07

My boys

We have a cat. I feel like a terrified new parent.
We have a cat. I feel like a terrified new parent.
We have a cat. I feel like a terrified new parent.