Dd wants a cat

[AmIaCatPerson]

Ongoing request. Says she's been offered one by a friend that's toilet trained. My immediate response was no.

Here's why - she's at work 6 days a week and rarely in the rest of the time. When she IS in she's knackered and doesn't do the very few chores I do ask that she does.

She SAYS she'll feed it but honestly I'm thinking there's more to it than that (never had a cat myself but have had dogs and other pets). But when we've had pets in the past it's ended up being me doing all the shit work.

I'm not well inc OCD and I think I'd really struggle to cope with litter tray, upset tummy etc.

Cost - we are not well off and dds job contract ends in a few months. We would of course get insurance IF we got a pet but I know ins doesn't cover everything and ins companies LOVE to avoid paying.

On the other hand:

We've really not been getting on lately and maybe this would bring us closer.

I do love animals and even with the OCD would not neglect any animals needs. I've always been a responsible pet owner.

It would be company for me. I do get very lonely.

So wise ones of the cat owning community. Thoughts?

Ooh it’s a tough one! As you say, you think she might lose interest or not do much caring, so I think if you were to get one you would have to view it as your pet otherwise resentment will build.

Most cats are very clean in my experience, they don’t like to poo and wee everywhere and would prefer to go in a litter tray. Totally depends on the personality of the cat though!

What’s your gut telling you?

No
If you can't cope with the litter tray you can't have a cat.

Gut says no (I'm really struggling health wise at the moment)

And that's what I said to dd. She was NOT happy. As I said we're not getting on very well at the moment.

Her reaction to be honest has pissed me off.

But I'm worried I'll regret. Especially as in the past the main reason has been cost of initial purchase/adoption fees which we can't afford.

But that was when I was doing better.

I love animals of all kinds and enjoy when I visit friends getting to enjoy their pets and have enjoyed having pets in the past BUT I'm also well aware of the work (and heartache when they pass) involved.

I also have NO experience with cats so I'm worried either I'll miss a serious illness OR my anxiety will mean I'm running to the vets every 5 mins.

Fflamingo thanks for such an honest response.

How often do they need emptying? (Cos I KNOW dd will say she'll deal with it)

How old is DD?
Cats can live for over 20 years. It's a very long term commitment. Yes you can get insurance but you have to pay for vaccinations and flea and worm treatment and food and litter. And if you want to go on holiday?

I’d say no then.
Dd will have to wait till she is responsible enough to own one herself

How often the tray needs to be emptied depends on if your cats go out. I generally do the litter twice a day.

Say no. Your DD can have a cat when she's living in her own house, and solely responsible for it.

You are unsure. You think it will trigger your anxiety and OCD and that a litter tray will be an issue. Your finances are uncertain.

You'd feel much much worse taking in a cat to its (at least) second home and then having to try to rehome it if you couldn't keep it.

It could go either way. You could completely fall in love with the cat and be utterly besotted. And it could make a real difference to you. Or you might not cope and have to rehome. Which would make you feel even worse. Unless you are 100% sure, don't do it.

How old is your DD?

Dd is (just) 17. No way could I rely on her doing it twice a day and that's way too much for me as I'd need to disinfect and wash after each time.

Thanks for the info and responses. Definite no then.

If the cat's older than 5 years, you probably won't get insurance cover, unfortunately. If younger, it'll probably cost around £15pm. The costs seem quite high when you're feeling the pinch - annual vet check & injections, regular flea treatment, food, toys, litter & a couple of trays, transporter box for vet visits and other stuff. Some of the more mundane medical conditions aren't covered under pet insurance and you'll probably have a waiting period to go through before you can make use of insurance, probably 6 months. If anything happens medically or accident-wise without insurance, that can be expensive.

I don't mean to put a downer on it because cats are wonderful to have and they do keep you company, when they feel like it, (it really depends on the personality of the cat), but if DD doesn't take responsibility for the cat, then it'll fall back on you and that won't be fair. Also, there's the issue of cat hair to contend with and furniture scratching - sorry!

Your DD can get a cat when she leaves home then.

I always wanted a cat but when I first left home, I lived at uni so I couldn't get one.

Finally getting a cat was well worth the wait

You don't need to empty it twice a day as long as you have enough trays, they say one for every cat and an extra one, so for one cat that would be two trays.

But it comes down to would she empty it once a day and/or would you be able to.

I have OCD too so I'm sympathetic. You might find that you're able to do it without getting too upset, but obviously you don't want to find out that it is very difficult after getting the cat.

In terms of anxiety and going to the vet too much I don't think you will chiefly because it's often difficult to get them in their carriers! I worry about my cats' health but the difficulty, expense and availability of online advice and reassurance has been helpful enough for me.

My cats have really helped my mental health but they and I had another adult to rely on, maybe it could have gone the other way had it been me on my own or me and a teenager.

I'm not trying to pressure you to get the cat if it wouldn't be right for you, but if you're not getting it because you think you need to clean the trays twice a day I don't want that to falsely put you off because you don't need to do that

If the cat's older than 5 years, you probably won't get insurance cover, unfortunately. If younger, it'll probably cost around £15pm.
you'll probably have a waiting period to go through before you can make use of insurance, probably 6 months.
We took on an 8 year old moggie. Petplan insures her at £15pcm, and the waiting period was one month.
Still, though - if you struggle with money the costs are high - injections, flea & worm stuff, food, litter etc.

For the litter trays, we have 2 and empty once per day. But I am fairly relaxed, as is our cat!

And when I say "empty" I mean "scoop". We have clumping biodegradable litter (Oko Cat's Best) you can dispose of down the toilet, so a quick scoop of wet clumps and poo and flush and it's done.

But I still don't think you should get a cat if you personally are unsure. Your DD can get a cat when she's in a position to pay for and care for it herself.