Help - new cat and old cat fighting

[mistermagpie]

I'm getting a bit fed up so would welcome any advice!

Basically had 'old' cat since he was a kitten, along with his brother who died last year. Old cat is nearly nine and grieved terribly after his brother died, they were best friends, slept in the same bed etc etc. So, we left it six months or so and figured maybe a new friend would help.

I did some research and read that the best choice would be a younger female cat, but not a kitten. Old cat is a Bengal so I contacted his breeder and (long story short) she had a three year old female who was being retired from breeding and needed a new home.

So, new cat came home two weeks ago. She is absolutely lovely, really affectionate, very friendly and purry and incredibly 'human centred'. She loves being around us and isn't even phased by my two young kids. Ironically, she has a very similar personality to old cat, who is the nicest cat in the world.

But they hate each other. We kept them apart for most of the first week and did the scent swapping thing, all fine. But since we introduced them they just fight. She is very aggressive towards him and can't seem to leave him alone, while he would be happy to leave her to it I think but she follows him around hissing and attacking him. She is particularly bad when he's in the litter tray.

Will this settle down? I'm still separating them at night and at points during the day where they are getting a bit too aggro. But I'm worried we've made a mistake.

I love her and really don't want to give her back (the breeder would take her) but this was supposed to enhance old cats life and he is miserable. He was miserable before mind you, but at least he felt safe. Obviously he is my priority.

Sorry for the essay but I wanted to set the scene. Any tips or advice gratefully taken. I am trying to reassure and give both cats lots of affection so they can feel more secure. They have access to their own litter trays and plenty of places to hide.

Honestly I think it's kinder to give older cat space and move newer cat onto another loving home. You did your best but it wasn't a match. Nobody could have predicted it. You are not to blame but no need to make older cat miserable.

Do you think so? I just feel like we haven't given it very long.

Actually 2 weeks isn't long - have you tried things like Feliway? You could separate them for a bit longer then find a home for her if it's still not working out.

It's a shame when you just want them to like each other :(

I've tried pet remedy which is a bit like feliway, but randomly I think it made them worse (it was a spray).

I don't mind if they aren't best friends but I would like them to tolerate each other. She's snuggled up next to me right now and I feel so guilty because it's like she's taken his place, but it's not her fault - she's been taken out of her environment and plonked here!

I am in a similar situation but am not worried as it is early days. We have had our new rescue for a couple of weeks, both the new and old cats are great with humans but don’t seem keen on each other. I have just installed feliway friends and so far it has not made any difference......they both avoid each other but if they do meet there is hissing and growling, luckily nothing physical. Everything I have read suggests that it can be months before they become harmonious. I would at least give it a few months!

Thanks Tunic. My boy would happily avoid the new girl but it's like she has some sort of weird toxic crush on him - she follows him round having a go at him!

It's been two weeks so I think I'll give it another two. She's very well bonded to me in particular which is lovely but so is he so I feel torn.

You are going too fast. Take a step (or two) back and don't let them fight. It's normal for it to take weeks or months for two unrelated cats to learn to live with each other peacefully. It's better to prevent aggression as it's harder to undo once they get into a negative pattern. But you can start from the beginning again and separate them completely, and then work through the steps again.

Lots of guides online, for example:
cattime.com/cat-facts/lifestyle/1845-introducing-a-new-cat-to-a-household-with-a-resident-cat

You mention a litter tray - do you have more than one? Having enough resources (feeding areas, water bowls, scratching posts, litter trays etc. will help prevent fighting over them).

I did wonder if we were going too fast, which is why I've still kept them separate at night and I separate them them when it moves from growling to actual swiping.

They have a litter tray each in their 'own' areas. His is behind a baby gate and always has been (to keep my baby out!) and she hasn't worked the gate out yet so they haven't used each other's as far as I can tell. They are happy to play with each other's toys though and sleep on the same blankets and things, just not together obviously!

I might give them some space and start again. Thanks for the link!