Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Did the RSPCA lie about adopted cat or am I doing something wrong?

30 replies

SadKitty86 · 11/01/2018 18:01

We found ourselves in a position to adopt an animal a few months ago so did some research and decided on a cat.

We have two young dc (4 and 1) so visited our local branch of the RSPCA a couple of times and asked for advice on which pet would suit a home with a young family. I found myself drawn to a lovely girl in a cage on the floor who was purring and letting us all say hello to her.

But when we asked we were told 'oh no, definitely not her. Sooty is the one you want (not his real name)' They got the male cat out (he is a beauty, a big ball of black fur) and he seemed quite happy, but he put him back in fairly quickly. We were reassured that he was great with children. So we adopted him.

Fast forward to today and I've tried everything I can think of. He just got increasingly aggressive with the dc. Firstly he seems quite stressed most of the time. He started ripping clumps of his fur whenever we are out of the house (never for more than two hours and mostly much less than that)

We have been to the vets numerous times, first she said he may be allergic to his food so we bought a load of expensive food that he refused to touch (he went on a complete hunger strike until we gave in) then she said he may be allergic to fleas. We had been regularly de-fleaing/worming but we tried the things she sold us, it made no difference.

But the dc are now terrified of him. They have never been allowed to pester him but he lies in the middle of the floor and goes for them the second they go past. He stalks them around the house and has scratched ds. The final straw tonight has been him scratching dd's legs badly as she just got up to go to the toilet. She's cried and begged me to get rid of the 'bad kitty'.

I googled everything I could. He is regularly played with, he has two massive cat trees in both the kitchen and living room, and all his bed, tray and food dishes are in a private place (separate places)

He is a big softy after the dc have gone to sleep and he is curled up on my lap. It's heartbreaking and I love him to bits. I genuinely believe he would be happy in a home without children and am so cross he was sold to us as the best family pet there (when I should have listened to my own instincts I guess, but I trusted them to know)

What do I do? I've seen that it is extremely difficult to get a cat rehomed and have no idea how to go about it. If I'm honest with myself I've seen this coming but I just hoped he would settle in once he realised the dc weren't going to chase/poke him.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadKitty86 · 11/01/2018 18:04

I've thought about putting him out all day while the dc are awake but this seems to distress him. The RSPCA said he would be happy as an indoor/outdoor cat but he never wants to go outside, even if we go with him.

I put him outside after he scratched dd as she was hysterical (and I had to get the iodine) but he just meowed at the door and didn't want to go anywhere.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 11/01/2018 18:06

It sounds an awful and very sad situation. My guess would be that at some point in his life, your cat has had a bad experience with young children and now has a phobia of them, which is causing the stress behaviour and the aggression towards your DC. Have you spoken to the RSPCA - it does sound as though he needs to be in a home without children. In the short term, have you tried using Feliway or similar - that might calm him a little. I hope you can find a solution.

thecatneuterer · 11/01/2018 18:07

I don't expect they lied to you, but it is impossible to know how a cat will react to absolutely every situation and obviously in this case they got it wrong. It's no one's fault. Shit happens.

It sounds like frustration. Does he go out? If he's kept as an indoor only cat then I think that's probably the problem and you have the wrong cat for the situation.

If he does go out then there is something else bothering him and he would seem to not be happy with children. And those are difficult ages. Toddlers and cats are hardly ever a good mix and you need a completely bomb proof cat to be able to cope.

I think you need to contact the RSPCA and explain the problem and say you think he needs to go to a different home. They may then be able to suggest a replacement or you could wait for a while until your children are older.

thecatneuterer · 11/01/2018 18:07

Ah, cross post re indoor/outdoor

Veterinari · 11/01/2018 18:11

It sounds like he may have separation anxiety and/or resource-aggression with you being the resource. It’s under diagnosed in cats but rehomed cats are at greater risk as they are more likely to be anxious about their new owner leaving or want to guard them.

How long have you had him?

Have you called the rehoming centre and asked if he ever actually lived with children before?

It would be worth asking for a behavioural referral - it doesn’t sound as if his signs are Medical. Zylkene and feliway May help to reduce anxiety

Original poster
SadKitty86 · 11/01/2018 18:11

I will call them tomorrow, I hope we can get something sorted out for him. I feel like a huge failure.

We did try Feliway, it didn't really seem to make a difference. He is so different when the dc aren't in the room.

He has a cat flap that he pokes his head out of but he doesn't seem to like it. I often leave the door open or try to tempt him out for treats but he isn't having any of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadKitty86 · 11/01/2018 18:13

I haven't tried Zylkene, can I get that from a store?

The vet couldn't find anything medically wrong with him. We've had him for six months.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 11/01/2018 18:18

You haven't failed, OP - none of this is your fault. A cat's bad experience as a kitten can stay with it for life, and if he was previously in a home with children who were thoughtless/rough/aggressive to him, it will have 'stuck' that children are a source of fear - he won't be able to tell that your DC mean him no harm. The reaction can probably be unlearned with time and patience; the problem is that in the meantime you have an unhappy cat and injuries being caused to your DC. I think you need to talk to the RSPCA or if they are unhelpful, try another rescue organisation for support. As Vetinari said, a behavioural expert might be able to suggest measures which would enable you to keep him.

AuntLydia · 11/01/2018 18:19

Yeah I doubt they lied, they may have been lied TO if someone brought the cat in saying he was great with kids. I agree with catneuterer. 6 months is a long enough time to give him to settle and it sounds like you've done all the right things.

ScreamingValenta · 11/01/2018 18:21

they may have been lied TO if someone brought the cat in saying he was great with kids

^^ This, definitely.

Original poster
SadKitty86 · 11/01/2018 18:23

they may have been lied TO if someone brought the cat in saying he was great with kids

That makes a lot more sense, I feel so sad and yes, guilty. But I genuinely think he could be very happy in a home with only adults. He is so soft at night, it's like he is a different cat.

OP posts:
Figrollsnotfatrolls · 11/01/2018 18:25

Maybe persevere with the cat flap and see if discovering his territory cheers him up? We had to physically post our dcats through with treats waiting on the other side.

YesItsMeIDontCare · 11/01/2018 18:27

Tbh I wouldn't be surprised if they did lie. They gave my brother a 12 week old kitten, it seemed distressed and very small so popped it along to his vets... turned out it was about 6 weeks old and not even fully weaned. Died 3 days later. Sorry, but the RSPCA are wankers.

I wouldn't give up on your chap yet though OP, good luck.

ScreamingValenta · 11/01/2018 18:28

Definitely talk to them and find out more about his background - and explain about the scratches your DD has suffered. I agree with you; it sounds like a quiet, childfree home would be best for him.

welshmist · 11/01/2018 18:28

Zylkene. I bought mine on Amazon. Amazing stuff worked on our feral cat when we moved house. She had run back to her old haunts three times before someone suggested it. Gave it to her for over a month.

OlennasWimple · 11/01/2018 19:20

Have you spoken to the shelter and said what you have put in this thread?

PeasAndHarmony · 11/01/2018 19:33

Sometimes rehoming doesn't work out. The cat we got from the RSPCA had already been regimes once by them and duly returned as he didn't get on with the owners existing cat.

RSPCA has observed him being quite friendly to other RSPCA cats so assumed he would be ok in a home with other cats. He wasn't!

So they took him back and we adopted him as our only cat, success all round!

If it's not working out (and if he's attacking your kids it isn't working) take him back so he can be adopted into an adults/ older kids only home.

Toddlerteaplease · 11/01/2018 20:25

Zykelene is brilliant. You could also try pet remedy. I found it much more effective with my very anxious cats.

Original poster
SadKitty86 · 11/01/2018 20:42

Thank you, I think I'm going to try Zykelene out. I want to try everything before handing in the towel. Dh just suggested we take him to a different vets to see if they say anything different (apparently our local vets doesn't have a great reputation - we are first time owners so didn't know)

I will still call the RSPCA tomorrow and ask about his background and mention what's happening to see if they have any ideas too. Obviously if it continues like this with stressed out kids/cat I will ask about rehoming him.

He's sat on my lap purring away. I honestly don't think I could give this cat up. The cat that appears during the daytime though...

I keep trying with the outdoors, DH has mentioned that he sees a big black and white tom out there a lot. Is it possible he's afraid of it?

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 11/01/2018 20:47

Zylkene is definitely worth a try an de if doesn't work then try Prozac, it has really good results with stressed cats. Also your DH is right, try another vet, they should have suggested at least Zylkene if not Prozac.

Marcine · 11/01/2018 20:47

You can't keep a cat that terrifies your children! Imagine having to live with an animal that stalks and attacks you and having no control of it. At least keep the cat shut away from the children during the day.

ScreamingValenta · 11/01/2018 20:51

It's very possible indeed, if the tom is territorial - he may be spraying in the vicinity which your cat will see as a bit of a warning.

I do hope you can turn a corner, OP, as you have obviously bonded deeply with him. It's a case of finding a way of teaching the cat that your DC are gentle and trustworthy. Is there any way you can try to create positive associations for your cat - e.g. feeding him particular treats when your DC are in the vicinity, but at a safe distance?

Original poster
SadKitty86 · 11/01/2018 20:54

We have been keeping the cat away from the dc, but he is very quick and slips through the doors unnoticed. I didn't know he was under the table earlier, I thought he was still lying on his back on the sofa.

I didn't know you could get Prozac for cats!

OP posts:
choccybiscuit · 11/01/2018 20:57

Nutracalm for cats is also a very good product.

Original poster
SadKitty86 · 11/01/2018 20:58

We have been keeping the cat away from the dc, but he is very quick and slips through the doors unnoticed. I didn't know he was under the table earlier, I thought he was still lying on his back on the sofa.

I didn't know you could get Prozac for cats!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread